Baby clothes

[Sophia]

I would mark the tags and use them.  Even if you have to buy more for the next child, you'll be an experienced parent by then and will have a better idea what you will need.  You will be sorting through clothes periodically to put away the too small clothes.  In my toddler's bedroom in a corner, I have a plant stand where there has always been a cardboard box for that use.  I am continually throwing stuff in there.  You will just need to put a bag of some sort in the box, so that there will really be two batches of stuff there.  Otherwise the same. 

[Brisvegasgal]

I would just give them back too. In my circle when baby clothes are handed on they are the property of the new baby's family.  No strings, no expectations.  I can, understand an expensive coat or something like that as a loaner though.

[m2kbug]

My mother is classic in this area.  She expects you to return the gifts she gave when you no longer has use for them or you replace them.  This is incredibly rude.  You are definitely not in the wrong here.  When you give a gift, you no longer have any say in the matter on how it is used or where it goes.  I think in this case with this friend, I would collect all the baby clothes and give them back and be done with the ordeal.  If her gifts come with strings like that, you really don't want them.  If she prefered to give the hand-me-downs to her sister, she had no business giving them to you in the first place, and then tell you she wants them back?  Unbelievable.   

[cicero]

I wouldn't say it's necessarily rude - it just sounds like you had a different understanding of what "baby cloths hand me downs" means.  she may not have said anything at the beginning because she thought it was understood that you give them back, while you understood that you don't.

when i got baby things for DS - one person did ask me for them back (but that was understood up front) and the rest told me to just use and pass on or toss. I did the same with DS's stuff - i gave it away no strings attached (and kept one or two things that i wanted to keep).

as things stand now - in your shoes - i would just give back the whole kit and caboodle now so you don't have to worry about it.

[Perfect Circle]

I don't think there's anything rude about it. Your friend is doing you a favour and told you before you have started using any of her items. If you feel that it would be too difficult to keep the clothes apart just return them to her now.

[bonyk]

Another vote for return.  What if baby stains too much of the clothing?  Are you going to be accused of 'ruining' it?  It sounds like you'll have to buy clothes for any future children, anyway.

[fountainof]

My DD wore her clothes for a long time as she grew slowly so she got at least 3 months out of the baby clothes, so I guess I just cannot relate to using the same clothes for other kids.  I could see maybe jeans or a snowsuit lasting but sleepers, onsies, etc. all get stained, pill up so I don't see how they last more than 2 kids.  I would just give everything back to save the hassle as there may be a problem if some clothes are ruined.  Or use them and give them back and buy new for another kid.

[kudeebee]

It probably would have been easier to have talked with her to find out what she had said before you unpacked the clothes and added them to the ones you had.  You didn't, but it is a good thing to remember the next time anyone offers you hand-me-downs, to ask if they are yours to use and pass on or if they are just loaning them and want them back.

I, too, would pack the clothes up and return them to her.  I would worry that if some are worn out or ruined or stained, that she will not be happy and could demand that you replace them.  I would not want to worry about that every time baby has on one of the borrowed outfits.  Also, the idea that she wants clothes returned everytime the baby outgrows them is interesting.  You could be returning clothes to her every month.

Too many conditions on the use of these clothes.  What if sil gets pregnant soon or her baby is bigger and grows into sizes that your baby has not worn yet?  You will be expected to give those clothes back asap.

I would rather have my own clothes--garage sale season will soon be here--and not have to worry about all this.  So, go through the clothes and pick hers out.  Then I would return them immediately.  Thank her for the offer of the clothes but that you and dh decided you just don't want to worry about keeping the clothes separate or ruining something, so you think it is best to return them.  If you don't want to drive two hours round trip, box them up and mail them to her--probably would end up being cheaper costwise and timewise in the long run.

[WillyNilly]

I think, reading all these suggestions to return them straight away, you should talk to your friend.

I could see one of my friends asking for them back, but I know she wouldn't be hung up on specifics.  If a handful of the items got stained, or ripped, or otherwise worn out, no biggie, chuck it, and if items got mixed up, so be it.  She would just mean "pay 'em forward to keep the chain moving, I'd like the next recipient to be" more then "these exact clothes".  Sure she'd expect some of the items to make it through your kid to the next, but she wouldn't be hung up on details, or expect all of them would.

So talk to your friend and see if she means "all of them" or if she just means "pay them forward".  If she means "pay them forward" you can reasonably expect to get some back yourself, once her SIL's kid outgrows them and you are onto #2.  If she really means all of them, or if you aren't comfortable with her SIL being in your chain, then I agree its too much hassle and you should just be done with them before even starting.

[SingMeAway]

She really should have told you all the "loan" when she first brought it up. I too would be kind of irked and also concerned about using them if there was a need/expectation that another person use them. My son drooled/spit up on everything when he was a baby and alot of the stuff was thrown out because it was just too stained and yucky looking to pass on.

If you decide to keep and use the stuff, I think another conversation might be in order about how you're concerned that some things may not be usable by the time you're done with them and then see what she says. Also, what happens if the SIL has a baby while you're still using the items (I realize that's unlikely, but what if), will your friend be expecting them to be returned immediately?

[lilfox]

Two things stand out for me:
1) your friend wants the clothes back at some point to pass on to her sister
2) you are planning to have more children

I vote to return the clothes (maybe keep a few basics if there are a lot of duplicates, since that is in the spirit of the gift/loan) now vs. later, and to stock up yourself.  As mentioned, babies tend to be hard on clothes, but you will still end up with quite a few you can keep for future babies and not worry about sorting/giving back/waiting for the cycle of hand-me-downs to begin again.

I got a lot of hand-me-down clothes when I had a baby.  None of the givers put a condition on the clothes/items, what they did was retain what they wanted to keep for others (for current or future babies), before handing things off to me.  If your friend really wants to preserve things in good enough shape for her sister's future baby, she needed to do this herself, not pass the burden onto you.

[gramma dishes]

I would pack them up and return them right now.  (Since she has made it clear that you are going to have to bring them to her rather than "someday" her sister coming to get them from you.)

As many others have already pointed out, there is no way to know which clothes are going to make it through another baby and which ones are going to be stained, torn, have snaps pull out, etc. 

She isn't really giving you the clothes.  She's loaning them to you. 

But what she's really doing is using your house as storage space for stuff she wants to keep.   

[Outdoor Girl]

I could see loaning a couple of special articles, like a pretty Christmas or party dress but all the clothes?  That's just crazy.  It would completely stress me out trying to keep the loaned clothes identified to give back.

I agree with the others who suggest you give her all the clothes back now.

[Otterpop]

Both my daughters had unpredictable poo explosions that stained a lot of their clothing.  It would be too much to stress over getting the clothing "pristine" again for the original owner.  I also vote for returning them.  In my experience hand me downs are never expected back.  Whatever survives is handed down again.

[CatFanatic]

Another vote for returning them all now. Too much responsibility for items which are likely to be damaged.

While I don't think it's rude to expect them back, I do think it's pretty weird. I've never heard of anyone doing that.

OP, go to your local charity shop - the ones here have beautiful, barely used kids' items at very low cost.