Author Topic: Friends' divorce + infidelity + lovechild on Facebook  (Read 8572 times)

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katycoo

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Re: Friends' divorce + infidelity + lovechild on Facebook
« Reply #60 on: April 08, 2013, 08:10:33 PM »
Thank you Nemesis, you truly described me and my feelings about the situation to a "T"! I do have a hard time not being completely honest with people, and everyone who knows me knows I am a terrible liar...in fact I'm pretty sure if I tried to tell people I didn't know what was going on they would be able to tell immediately I was lying! I just feel like the world would be a much better place if people were just totally honest all the time (ever see the movie "The Invention of Lying"? lol) but I do recognize that sometimes brutal honesty does more harm than good. I haven't had much contact with my friend since our heated phone conversation, and don't really plan to...I would be totally fine with our friendship just quietly slipping away, but unfortunately with this friend being the drama queen that she is, I know she won't let that happen and I'm likely due for another ugly spat with her if I continue distancing myself as I am :/

But thank you for your insight, and for seeing where I am coming from - I do appreciate it :)

You can re-direct without lying if that concerns you.  "I really do not feel comfortable passing on this information.  It feels gossipy.  I think it would be best to ask her directly."

bah12

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Re: Friends' divorce + infidelity + lovechild on Facebook
« Reply #61 on: April 09, 2013, 11:21:00 AM »
Thank you Nemesis, you truly described me and my feelings about the situation to a "T"! I do have a hard time not being completely honest with people, and everyone who knows me knows I am a terrible liar...in fact I'm pretty sure if I tried to tell people I didn't know what was going on they would be able to tell immediately I was lying! I just feel like the world would be a much better place if people were just totally honest all the time (ever see the movie "The Invention of Lying"? lol) but I do recognize that sometimes brutal honesty does more harm than good. I haven't had much contact with my friend since our heated phone conversation, and don't really plan to...I would be totally fine with our friendship just quietly slipping away, but unfortunately with this friend being the drama queen that she is, I know she won't let that happen and I'm likely due for another ugly spat with her if I continue distancing myself as I am :/

But thank you for your insight, and for seeing where I am coming from - I do appreciate it :)

You don't have to lie.  You can easily say "It isn't my place to discuss this.  Please go ask her."  This is the truth.  All around. 

And, while I agree that generally speaking, the truth is usually better than lying, I disagree that in this case,  your friend coming clean to the whole world will make it a better place.  The only people she owes the truth to is herself, her new BF, her ex, and the children involved.  It's no one else's business.  And I'm still not sure what encouraging her to "come clean" on FB will accomplish except what has already occured which is the diminishing of your friendship.

So, you no longer respect her and don't value her enough as a person to continue the friendship.  That's fair.   And it's fair to say that if you aren't going to be friends with her, then your role as godparent to her child will not be effective either.  I think you can cut her off.  She can't cause additional drama for you if you don't respond to her.  You don't live near each other, so she won't be showing up at your front door any time soon.  Don't respond to email, don't answer the phone when she calls, delete her from FB.  And if anyone else asks you about it, don't respond to that either.  Like her, you don't owe them (the other friends) any explanation for why you are no longer friends.  Don't feed into the gossip mill when a simple "we haven't been in touch" is all the explanation that is needed (if that).