Author Topic: Still My Money or Now Her Money?  (Read 4752 times)

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NyaChan

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #15 on: February 11, 2013, 01:44:00 PM »
Well I would show him the responses on this thread, because I can't even think of a legitimate reason why she might have thought that she could turn it in for money and keep it after you loaned her the use of the internet card. 

CluelessBride

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #16 on: February 11, 2013, 02:18:11 PM »
Well I would show him the responses on this thread, because I can't even think of a legitimate reason why she might have thought that she could turn it in for money and keep it after you loaned her the use of the internet card.

I'm not saying I like the practice, but if the OP said "Here, you can have this internet card," as opposed to "Here, you can borrow this internet card" I can absolutely see why she felt justified in redeeming it for cash. I actually see it as very similar to this thread: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=124821.0

Someone gives away something they are no longer using. The recipient then uses or doesn't use it, but when they are done with it sells it. It may be okay by etiquette (recipient can do what they like with a gift), but as a giver I would personally chose to be generous to people who returned or passed on these pseudo-gifts* rather than people that used my generosity to turn a profit.


*I use the term pseudo-gift because I think hand-me downs or "I'm not using this, but maybe you can" items are different than true gifts. If I gave a friend a sweater for her birthday and she returned it because it didn't fit and bought pants instead I would be fine with it, because I was giving her a gift and she was just exchanging the gift for one that worked better for her. If for some reason she sold it and used the money for something else, I would find it a little odd but still it was a gift - I'd want the gift to be something she enjoyed.

On the other hand if I had a sweater that I no longer wore and I offered it to friend (for free) because she might like to wear it, I'm not really giving her a "gift" I'm offering her use of an item because I'm being nice. So if she were to sell it at a consignment store instead of offering it back, it would feel like she was profiting on my kindness. Perhaps it is semantics, but there is just something that feels different to me between the two.

CakeBeret

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #17 on: February 11, 2013, 02:47:17 PM »
Well I would show him the responses on this thread, because I can't even think of a legitimate reason why she might have thought that she could turn it in for money and keep it after you loaned her the use of the internet card.

I'm not saying I like the practice, but if the OP said "Here, you can have this internet card," as opposed to "Here, you can borrow this internet card" I can absolutely see why she felt justified in redeeming it for cash. I actually see it as very similar to this thread: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=124821.0

Someone gives away something they are no longer using. The recipient then uses or doesn't use it, but when they are done with it sells it. It may be okay by etiquette (recipient can do what they like with a gift), but as a giver I would personally chose to be generous to people who returned or passed on these pseudo-gifts* rather than people that used my generosity to turn a profit.

I guess I see it differently. In my opinion it reads more like being at a store together and one person buying the other, say, a tube of toothpaste, and then the recipient goes and immediately returns the toothpaste for cash because they didn't need it. At least have the decency to say "Oh, I'm not going to use it" and let the giver say either "well, return it for cash" or "oh, I'll take it home with me then".
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bah12

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #18 on: February 11, 2013, 03:02:52 PM »
I think it really depends on what you said when you handed over the card. If you said, "Oh, you're bored, here you can have this card" then it was hers.  If you said "you can borrow this card because you're bored" then it's yours.

Clearly your intentions were the latter.  But that may not have been what came across in your speech, which is where your BF's thoughts come in. 

Practically speaking, I don't think I'd return or cash in on something that someone let me use/have without at least letting them know first...at least not while they were still around.

Bijou

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #19 on: February 11, 2013, 03:08:19 PM »
This happened to me a few years ago and I still wonder if I was rude.  Please settle this for me E-Hellions.

I went on an international trip with my boyfriend and his son-in-law and daughter.  We were on a ferry boat going to another country.  I bought an internet card so I could read my E-Mail as this was a long trip.  I tried using the Internet and it was so slow and frustrating, I gave up.  My BF's daughter was bored so I let her use the Internet card so she pass some time.  I don't remember the exact wording I used when I handed the card over.

A little while passes and I see the daughter sitting with her husband.  I said, "did you use the internet?"  She said no that it was too slow, so she cashed in the Internet card.  I said, "that money is mine."  She gave me back the cash but was miffed at me.  My BF agreed with her that I was rude to ask for the money.

Was I?
No you were not.  She had a heck of a lot of nerve to cash it in and even if she thought you gave it to her she should have checked with you first.
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Roe

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #20 on: February 11, 2013, 05:19:06 PM »
You weren't rude, she was.

But the bigger issue, I don't understand why your BF thought you were rude and even bigger issue, why he continues to "tease" you about it.  Hmph. 

jaxsue

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #21 on: February 11, 2013, 05:22:06 PM »
You weren't rude, she was.

But the bigger issue, I don't understand why your BF thought you were rude and even bigger issue, why he continues to "tease" you about it.  Hmph.

I have to agree.

Amava

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #22 on: February 11, 2013, 05:26:27 PM »
You weren't rude, she was.

But the bigger issue, I don't understand why your BF thought you were rude and even bigger issue, why he continues to "tease" you about it.  Hmph.

I have to agree.
Yes. I'm glad I'm not the only one who bristles at this.
Like I said on the previous page, if he was my boyfriend and he tried that, he'd be getting a piece of my mind about what I think of his daughter's manners and entitlement.  >:(

DavidH

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #23 on: February 11, 2013, 05:45:45 PM »
I am not as convinced she was rude.

When you offerred her the card, you said that you weren't going to use it, so she probably didn't think you wanted it back or would mind if she used it up.  If you'd wanted to turn it in for the cash, you presumably could have done so rather than offering it to her.  She then realized that she couldn't use it either and then turned in the gift.

I think she was wrong to get miffed when you asked for the money back, but turning it in seems fine since at that point both of you had decided the internet was too slow to use.




LifeOnPluto

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #24 on: February 11, 2013, 08:55:36 PM »
I agree that wording was important, and without knowing exactly what was said, it's hard to judge whether the daughter was rude or not.

That said, I do think it was slightly cheeky to cash in the card when you were around. To me, that's like telling someone "Hey, you can have this scarf if you like. I'll never wear it again." Then that person goes and sells the scarf, right in front of you. It does come across as a bit of a rejection of the nice gesture you did for them.

LilacRosey

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #25 on: February 11, 2013, 09:40:10 PM »
That was your momney!, LilacRosey

snowdragon

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #26 on: February 11, 2013, 09:45:05 PM »
While the wording might make a difference, I think she should have asked if you wanted it back.

I would be asking BF why he thinks Daughter should have been able to keep it

girlysprite

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #27 on: February 12, 2013, 01:43:59 AM »
Well I would show him the responses on this thread, because I can't even think of a legitimate reason why she might have thought that she could turn it in for money and keep it after you loaned her the use of the internet card.

I'm not saying I like the practice, but if the OP said "Here, you can have this internet card," as opposed to "Here, you can borrow this internet card" I can absolutely see why she felt justified in redeeming it for cash. I actually see it as very similar to this thread: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=124821.0

Someone gives away something they are no longer using. The recipient then uses or doesn't use it, but when they are done with it sells it. It may be okay by etiquette (recipient can do what they like with a gift), but as a giver I would personally chose to be generous to people who returned or passed on these pseudo-gifts* rather than people that used my generosity to turn a profit.


*I use the term pseudo-gift because I think hand-me downs or "I'm not using this, but maybe you can" items are different than true gifts. If I gave a friend a sweater for her birthday and she returned it because it didn't fit and bought pants instead I would be fine with it, because I was giving her a gift and she was just exchanging the gift for one that worked better for her. If for some reason she sold it and used the money for something else, I would find it a little odd but still it was a gift - I'd want the gift to be something she enjoyed.

On the other hand if I had a sweater that I no longer wore and I offered it to friend (for free) because she might like to wear it, I'm not really giving her a "gift" I'm offering her use of an item because I'm being nice. So if she were to sell it at a consignment store instead of offering it back, it would feel like she was profiting on my kindness. Perhaps it is semantics, but there is just something that feels different to me between the two.

I feel the same way.

katycoo

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #28 on: February 12, 2013, 01:50:38 AM »
Your money.

Heck, I don't care if you gave her the card for keeps, I still think it was rude to cash it in and not offer the cash to you, under the circumstances. 

Danika

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Re: Still My Money or Now Her Money?
« Reply #29 on: February 12, 2013, 03:40:01 AM »
My BF has teased me over the years about asking for the money.  I tell him we can agree to disagree.
He would try that only /once/ with me, it would be shut down with a cold reply about his daughter's manners.  >:( I really have no patience for that sort of thing.

POD

IMO, hypothetically, even if you had very clearly stated "I do not want this card. I give it to you" I still think she should have realized that you were only giving it to her because you thought that the card was worthless to you. Once she realized it could have been redeemed, I think the value of the card changed. It was no longer worthless. I think any honorable person would have said to you "I am going to see if I can get cash back for the card. Are you ok with that?" At which point she should have offered you the cash back. And, had she been that courteous, you might have let her keep the cash, who knows.

Her behavior just seems dishonorable. It's kind of like receiving a used item from a friend, like an old jacket, and finding cash in the pocket. Perhaps you can say "finders keepers" but an honest person, who appreciates the gift would say to the giver "Oh, I found some money for you. Would you like it?" not keep it for themselves and then flaunt the new cash in the giver's face like "ha ha. Neener Neener. You were too stupid to keep this money. Look what I just got from you. Sucker!"

Legally, yeah, maybe it could have been hers because she might have thought the card was a gift. But a thoughtful, considerate, appreciative person would not have behaved as she did.