Should my daughter have "humored" him?

[Lauren]

OP your daughter handled it beautifully. As did you and your husband (and kudos for your husband to make the decision not to apologize, backing your daughter up)

I don't know Gary, so obviously I can't say if he's creepy or not. But my dad is similar to Gary. Loves kids, an affectionate man and just does not get the fact that some kids don't like to be touched by adults and that when they push kids boundaries that it comes off very, very badly. (not in that way, but hugs, teasing like Gary did) It took a long time for my mum and I to get across to him how wrong it looked and that while WE know he would never do anything, parents are going to err on the side of caution. He's gotten a lot better, will roughhouse with the kids but now knows to read the signs that they've had enough, and will back off.

OP I wouldn't approach Gary unless it happen again. (I know he repeated it, but based on what it was and the fact it was not addressed at the time, I would leave it be for now) If it does then I think you and your husband need to approach him and tell him that while you know he's not meaning anything by it, your daughter is uncomfortable and has given him all the cues he should require to stop doing it. (telling him she didn't find it funny, moving away from him when he tried to repeat it) As he's continued this is you and your husband telling him to please stop touching your daughter, even as a joke.

I would also have your daughter tell him (if it happens again) to say "please stop touching me' and then repeat that should any disagreement happen.

[baglady]

Let's not go down the "predator" road. Gary may have some behaviors in common with predators -- the disrespect for a child's boundaries and the dismissal of her objections to the way he treats her -- but that doesn't make him one. My cat has a lot of behaviors in common with a spoiled human child, but that doesn't make her one.

That said, if at 8 OP's daughter knows how to tell the Garys of the world that she doesn't appreciate their treatment of her, she is well equipped to deal with any *real* predators she might encounter. The important thing is that she knows she has the right to object to anything that makes her uncomfortable.

[zyrs]

I think you, your husband and your daughter handled it beautifully.  Kudos for raising your daughter so she feels comfortable expressing her boundaries.

[snappylt]

Weeblewobble,

It's been a little over a month since your original post.  How has Gary been behaving toward your daughter since then?  Any updates?

[weeblewobble]

Not really.  It's more of a non-update, which is a good thing.   Gary's stayed away from her, for the most part, and when he has spoken to her, it's been way less teasing and more appropriate "how are you doing?" questions. He hasn't tried to tweak her nose or poke her again.  I don't know if he was embarrassed by her reactions before or just realized his sense of humor wasn't welcome. Either way, we're happy.

[Amava]

That's good! 
Always glad to hear when people "get a clue" and problems get solved.

[cicero]

Not really.  It's more of a non-update, which is a good thing.   Gary's stayed away from her, for the most part, and when he has spoken to her, it's been way less teasing and more appropriate "how are you doing?" questions. He hasn't tried to tweak her nose or poke her again.  I don't know if he was embarrassed by her reactions before or just realized his sense of humor wasn't welcome. Either way, we're happy.

I would say that this is a good update - not a non-update.

sounds like Gary "got it".

And good for your dd!