Nephew's Birthday Invite

[KimberlyM]

My 2 kids (though I'm not sure if the 16year old counts as a kid for feeding purposes) and brothers girlfriends daughter will be the only children in attendance.  Lots of brothers friends, Nephew's mom's friends and family, our whole family, and family friends will make up the bulk of the party.

This will be in a regular restaurant, though they do have an enclosed play area so it's a common place for parties. 

My husband talked to my brother simply because they are closer than he and I are.  There have been many many many faux pas' in the past, and generally I don't say anything, but when I do he's been happy to hear it, primarily because he would have no other way of knowing. 

I will go anyway, our boys are just shy of a year apart in age and have a great time together, and I wouldn't punish my nephew for something his dad does, I just find it pretty rude.  No matter what the purpose of the party I can't wrap my brain around it being ok to feed 5% of the attendees.     

[suzieQ]

So your brother will only be feeding THREE children?! And there will be many adults and teens at the restaurant? Yeah, that's rude to the owners of the restaurant - taking up the space and only ordering food for three people. The party should be held at home, or in a public park, or anywhere but at a restaurant if he is only feeding three people.

ETC: I realized I wasn't including the birthday boy, so now assume brother is feeding three people.

[snowdragon]

 

So your brother will only be feeding TWO children?! And there will be many adults and teens at the restaurant? Yeah, that's rude to the owners of the restaurant - taking up the space and only ordering food for two people. The party should be held at home, or in a public park, or anywhere but at a restaurant if he is only feeding two people.

It seems he's expecting the adult guests to pay for their own lunches. If even the majority of them do - the owner will be ok - but I think it's rude to invite folks to a gift giving occasion at a restaurant and expect them to pay their own tabs. Especially since the "host" will likely be eating himself.


edited because I hit the post button too soon.

[heartmug]

My DH is going to a party like this next week.  His sister reserved a room at a restaurant and is providing cake but no food or drinks for any of the guests.  DH decided his niece was worth it even if her mom is a clod.  I bought a book and a  t-shirt for her and I will stay home.  DH will get the meal and pay for it himself.

[amylouky]

 

So your brother will only be feeding TWO children?! And there will be many adults and teens at the restaurant? Yeah, that's rude to the owners of the restaurant - taking up the space and only ordering food for two people. The party should be held at home, or in a public park, or anywhere but at a restaurant if he is only feeding two people.

It seems he's expecting the adult guests to pay for their own lunches. If even the majority of them do - the owner will be ok - but I think it's rude to invite folks to a gift giving occasion at a restaurant and expect them to pay their own tabs. Especially since the "host" will likely be eating himself.


edited because I hit the post button too soon.

I think the bolded might be a YMMV situation. In my family (extended even, and friends), it's quite the norm to get an email saying, "We're meeting at X restaurant on Saturday for Y's birthday" and there is no expectation that Y's parents are footing the entire bill. If it was an organized party at a children's place, aka Chuck E Cheese, Y's parents would likely cover pizza and drinks for the children but adults would be on their own.

I think I actually offended one of my sisters a couple of years ago.. we planned DS's bday party at a pizza place (not Chuck E's but similar) and I planned on paying for everyone, including adults. She tried to give me money for her and her DH's meals at the pizza place and seemed a little annoyed that I turned it down.

I do think the OP's brother was rude in his delivery of the invitation, especially pointing out that the previous year's celebration was a financial burden.

[ettiquit]

It would never occur to me not to feed adults attending a kid party.  Even at Chuck-e-Cheese, we always ordered a few pizzas for all invited adult guests and any of the parents of the kids who chose to stay. 

That being said, I guess it's not rude to not feed everyone since it does seem to be common, but I would be surprised to not have any food available for me when invited to any birthday party.

[peaches]

My simple rule is that when you give a party, you cover the food, drink and entertainment for everyone you invited to the party.

Issuing an invitation carries with it that responsibility.

The "group get-together" is different, in that there isn't a single host, and usually the party isn't benefiting a single person (i.e. your child). "Let's all take Jane to lunch because it's her birthday" falls into this category.

Some people think the venue makes a difference. I don't. Just because you like fancy restaurants or expensive theme parks doesn't absolve you of the responsibilities of hosting.

 

[Miss Understood]

If the 4 kids literally constitute 5% of the total guests, that would mean the brother would be expected to pay for 76 adult restaurant meals (in order to be a proper host).  That would be an unbelievably expensive birthday party for a 5-year-old.  If they are going to invite that many people they should really hold it at a park or something and not at a mealtime, serving finger foods and cake.

[Kaypeep]

OP's brother creates another problem with his party because now the adults not being fed will order and pay for their own food. They will sit together and probably be issued a group check (with auto-grat added) and then some adults will leave and not pay, some will not contribute enough to cover tax and tip, etc..  If everyone tries to get their own check the restaurant will feel they are being cheated out of an auto grat.  The whole scenario just sounds like an E-Hell post waiting to happen.  Your brother is clueless in many ways and is creating potential strife for all the guests with this plan, not just because he won't feed the adults. Because even if you don't eat I doubt the restaurant will appreciate non-eating customers taking up their tables.

OP, I feel for you.  I'd pass on this and not even bother.  Set up a special belated birthday playdate so the cousins can spend some time together but avoid this "party" like the plague.  No good will come of it. except for stories to post here!  

[KimberlyM]

The 5% wasn't literal.  By my estimation there will be 25-28 adults, 3 kids. 

I hadn't even considered the auto-grat issue...ugh. 

[Kaypeep]

I'd normally not mind much if I had to pay for my own lunch at a birthday party like this, but I just have a strong feeling that the restaurant may not allow separate checks for the large group, and if it does go in as large group, trying to get everyone to pay their fair share will be next to impossible.

[delabela]

OK, now that the update makes clear that this is not a kids' party, I really am confused by the invite.  It says food for kids, cake for all.  So are you supposed to order and pay for your own food?  I can understand that for an intimate group for whom that's the norm.  But with this many people, what if someone doesn't order?  Is the restaurant ok with them just sitting there taking up space? 

[Penguin_ar]

My simple rule is that when you give a party, you cover the food, drink and entertainment for everyone you invited to the party.

This.
If this was a kids' party and parents are staying because the kids are too young to stay by themselves, or due to transport/ logistics, then it is nice to feed the adults but not necessary.  However, since this is essentially an adult party, just the occasion for the party is a child's birthday, everyone should be fed.

[fluffy]

My simple rule is that when you give a party, you cover the food, drink and entertainment for everyone you invited to the party.

This.
If this was a kids' party and parents are staying because the kids are too young to stay by themselves, or due to transport/ logistics, then it is nice to feed the adults but not necessary.  However, since this is essentially an adult party, just the occasion for the party is a child's birthday, everyone should be fed.

I totally agree! It sounds like all of the adults will be there because they were invited themselves, not because they're keeping an eye on little kids.

 If bro can't afford to feed the majority of the guests that he invited, he should have planned a different kind of party.