Driving and the first date

[Mr NiceGuy]

Hello everyone!  I have a first date with a very nice girl from my office this week (we're in very different departments 6 floors apart, so the co-worker part is not an issue).  Here is the situation.  She lives on the very far north edge of town, and I live much further south.  Our office happens to be the halfway point.

Our date is after work this Wednesday.  She has asked me to show her some things to do on the south side of town as our office will be moving there later this summer and she is unfamiliar with the area.  As such, I am thinking of suggesting that we simply head that direction after work and that I can bring her back to her car (at the office, the halfway point) afterwards.  This is purely logic on my part, but I know it's slightly outside of usual first date etiquette.

Am I correct that the traditional option would be allowing her to go home after work, freshen up, drive to her, pick her up, have the date 40 minutes away, and then drive her home?  With work not ending till 5 PM, I just don't think there's enough time in the evening for that.  But I don't want to only take her halfway home after the date, even if her car is there, if that would be rude or improper.

I would appreciate your input!

[pinkiu]

First, since it's an after work date, I think she should either drive her car and meet you somewhere on the south side or do what you suggested as to dropping her back off at work where her car is. I find it incredibly time consuming for her to drive home get ready and then you go get her and then drive to the south side especially considering that it's a work night. I'd have suggested dinner and coffee near where you work and do the south end on a Saturday daytime date.

[Aeris]

There's absolutely nothing rude or improper about your plan. It's logical and practical. I would be surprised if she's intending to go home between work and the date. That sounds like an enormous pain to have to drive all the way up to get her, then all the way back down south for the date, then all the way up north again to take her home. That would more than double your driving time in most cases, and would make the date run quite late. That's not to say there aren't women out there that would expect or demand it, no matter how ridiculous or inconvenient. But then there's the question of whether you want to date a woman that would.

Anyway, a lot of women prefer NOT to have a guy driving them all the way home on a first date, so there's no sense of....expectation.

[Mr NiceGuy]

Thanks to both of you.  I agree that after work dates frequently have their own rules - possibly leaning a bit more towards the tendencies of two busy, working professionals and giving more leeway to time savers and more casual first encounters. 

Obviously if things went well I'd make sure the first weekend date was more planned and possibly do something up north or maybe a longer adventure down south.

[Outdoor Girl]

As long as you present it as a suggestion and not a fait accompli, I think your plan is fine.  Although, being the cautious person I am, I might counter with either meeting you somewhere closer to your place with the excuse 'so you don't have to back track'.  Or I might offer to do the driving so I have my own wheels and if things aren't going well, I can give you cab fare and let you find your own way home, since we'll be closer to your place.  But I'm overly cautious like that if I don't know the person well.

Hope it goes well for you!

[katycoo]

Many women prefer to have their own transport available in case they wish to leave the date so she may prefer to drive herself at this early stage.

Offer both suggestions and see what she wants to do.

[LilacRosey]

You sound really nice I hope the date goes well! I like your plan., LilacRosey

[Sharnita]

In general I would want to drive myself for the first date - it provides a sense of safety and a certain amount of control in a new situation.  However, since it is in an unfamiliar part of town she might not be into that.

[WillyNilly]

Maybe it's just because I live in a commuter city, but never in a billion years would it occur to me someone would go home to get ready for an after work date. She''ll probably freshen up in the ladies room, but that's it.

As for the driving thing, I think your plan makes sense. Very few women are comfortable having a guy drive them home from a first date.

[Mr NiceGuy]

Thanks everyone!  We spoke tonight and are simply going to head south after work so I can just bring her back to her car at the end of the night.  I should mention that through work we have teamed up on projects before, so we know each other well enough that the usual "have a way out" isn't really a concern (well, apparently not, since I offered a few options and she said she could just ride down with me so we can talk).

So we'll have the date and I'll bring her back to the office to get her car.  I promise I'll be a perfect gentleman.  :-) 

I appreciate the input!  Wish me luck.

[magician5]

I'd say you should offer her the choice and go with what she chooses, and not give it a second thought.

[Danika]

Thanks everyone!  We spoke tonight and are simply going to head south after work so I can just bring her back to her car at the end of the night.  I should mention that through work we have teamed up on projects before, so we know each other well enough that the usual "have a way out" isn't really a concern (well, apparently not, since I offered a few options and she said she could just ride down with me so we can talk).

So we'll have the date and I'll bring her back to the office to get her car.  I promise I'll be a perfect gentleman.  :-) 

I appreciate the input!  Wish me luck.

Woohoo! Good luck! Have a great time!

Please, update us and let us know how the date goes!

[auntmeegs]

You sound like a total doll, she is a lucky girl!  Good luck tonight, let us know how it goes!!!

[Mr NiceGuy]

Sorry for the delay in getting back to the community!  I've been very busy with work and have been away from the site since my last post.

I am very glad to say that our plan worked out quite well.  The date was a success!  I figured out that things were going well when she slipped up and mentioned a second date about half way through the first one.    Conversation went so well at dinner that we just stayed at the restaurant talking and skipped out on the movie.

We've seen each other a few times since and we're hitting it off very well.  I so much appreciate the feedback and support I received from the E Hell community leading up to the date!  Here's hoping I'll have more good updates as we move forward.  :-)

--Nick

[Danika]

  Thanks for the update!