Extra kid when couple relies on Mom--Carolyn Hax

[SheryllJane]

Wow just wow
http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/lending-a-hand-gives-a-mother-in-law-a-voice-in-family-planning/2013/02/11/2b589c3e-6b25-11e2-ada3-d86a4806d5ee_story.html

[Shoo]

Whose response has got you saying wow?  I think Carolyn got it right this time. 

[SiotehCat]

I think that LW and her husband are being incredibly irresponsible.

If I were MIL, I would stop all help right away. If the LW can make two children work, then surely she can make it work now.

[Sharnita]

I would say that if LW feels MIL is overstepping then she/they need to find another financial plan immediately.

[delabela]

OK, my first thought was, why is the husband not watching the child all the time if he's out of work? 

[LEMon]

OK, my first thought was, why is the husband not watching the child all the time if he's out of work?

He is working, just not as high a paying job.

This couple has really considered reality.  How the world are they going to make this work?

[Ceallach]

There is no indication from the LW that they have made arrangements or plans for how to financially accommodate the extra child, which leads me to believe they are expecting the MIL to continue to bail them out.

Because of that I think the MIL was appropriate in voicing her concerns - they've made it her business by having her so involved in their finances and in childcare duties.     Of course LW and her husband are not obligated to listen to the MIL's advice, but they need to accept that if they choose to go ahead with this particular life choice then she may not continue to support them indefinitely.   For the sake of their children I hope they consider the consequences more thoroughly.   

[delabela]

OK, my first thought was, why is the husband not watching the child all the time if he's out of work?

He is working, just not as high a paying job.

This couple has really considered reality.  How the world are they going to make this work?

You are correct - my mistake.  Gotta pay more attention to my reading comprehension! 

[Erich L-ster]

Whose response has got you saying wow?  I think Carolyn got it right this time.

I agree but this reminds me of a previous thread where the OP described a couple who had no apartment (they were bouncing around as guests) no jobs and no health insurance, yet they were trying for a baby.

I posted that they probably shouldn't be trying for a baby until they had a place to live, insurance and a job for at least one of them. I got a bunch of "how dare you" type replies and "no one can question someone else's life choices" type stuff.

[LilacRosey]

I think that LW and her husband are being incredibly irresponsible.

If I were MIL, I would stop all help right away. If the LW can make two children work, then surely she can make it work now.

I just stopped teading here because I agree so much! I love kids but this is so irresponsible and the mother shouldn't have said that but I understand where it came from. Truly., LilacRosey

[Honey]

I think MIL should cut off all financial support.  If this couple can afford another child, they can certainly manage now without her help.

[WillyNilly]

I agree with PP, this family is being ridiculously irresponsible, and MIL is the voice of reason... and the sugar mommy.She should cut back on helping them now.

[jaxsue]

I agree with PP, this family is being ridiculously irresponsible, and MIL is the voice of reason... and the sugar mommy.She should cut back on helping them now.

ITA

[magician5]

I'm back to my usual response to so many topics: how about you DON'T TALK ABOUT PRIVATE ISSUES WITH ANYBODY? Not your girlfriends, not your mother, not your sisters, don't put it on your Facebook page ... NOBODY!

PS - I think she's being irresponsible ... all parent/offspring combinations work, and the kids can look back later and point to their particular family configuration as being the source of their later strength, but for this couple it might be better to wait a while.

And to shut up about intimate private matters.

[SheryllJane]

I agree that Carolyn got it right