Author Topic: Is it rude to offer help or a gift to someone and then rub it in their face?  (Read 4265 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

oceanus

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 693
  • pronounced o-see-ANN-us
I’ve always found it annoying (and rude) when someone does a favor or gives you a gift, then brings it up later (usually more than once). 

They aren't just doing it out of the goodness of their heart.  They want others to see that as a “good person”, they feel entitles to pats on the back and more "thank yous". AND they’re also kind of holding it over your head for when THEY need/want something from you.  When it comes to people like that I avoid accepting anything from them because I’m thinking “hmm, what’s this gonna cost me?”  If they don’t get what they want, you might get the “After all I’ve done for you” thing, and I just don’t want to hear that.

OP, your MIL may have felt happy to do these things, but she needs to dial it back.
« Last Edit: February 14, 2013, 01:50:05 PM by oceanus »

siamesecat2965

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8871
My father used to  say people like this have a need for constant reassurance. As others have pointed out, they NEED to feel wanted, loved, appreciated, etc.

I have a co-worker like that. Quite honestly, her life is a mess, she's people pleaser, and wants everyone to like her. So she'll do stuff like giving customers what they want, even if it means bending the rules (she's a manager), and so on. While I don't have a problem with one question about her new hairstyle, when she asks 20 times, its like trying to appease a 5 year old.

Bluenomi

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3580
OP I completely understand, my MIL is the same. She gives DD something I thank her, DH thanks her and now DD is old enough she thanks her. Then MIL tells everyone she meets what she did and expects more thanks you. Bonus points if a week later you get told off because you didn't thank her because she's 'forgotten' you did  ::)

Thankfully she lives in another state and we usually talk via skype so I can fake connection issues when it comes up again  >:D

oceanus

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 693
  • pronounced o-see-ANN-us
“Rubbing something in someone’s face” is always rude, OP.   Figure of speech, I know, but still........

In retrospect, a better thread title may have been:
"Is it rude to do favors,give gifts to someone, then perdically bring it up?"
« Last Edit: February 14, 2013, 06:22:22 PM by oceanus »

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 31345
OP I completely understand, my MIL is the same. She gives DD something I thank her, DH thanks her and now DD is old enough she thanks her. Then MIL tells everyone she meets what she did and expects more thanks you. Bonus points if a week later you get told off because you didn't thank her because she's 'forgotten' you did  ::)

Thankfully she lives in another state and we usually talk via skype so I can fake connection issues when it comes up again  >:D

Maybe it's time to get offended that she didn't remember YOUR thank-you to her!

Marbles

  • I'm lost
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1811
I agree with the PPs who have said to answer the question asked, not the fishing for thanks.

"I'm glad you had a good time with dog."
"Yes, I'm sure having a high chair for DD at your house will be very convenient for you."

And, yes, continually bringing stuff up like this is annoying.