Bullying in college-- how to handle? TINY Update 49, 62, 71, Final Update 86

[johelenc1]

I'm really confused.  Did Joe get thrown out of class or not?  What happened to the dean-person you talked to who said he would look into it?  I'm lost.

On the other side of the coin...honestly, I simply wouldn't tolerate this any more.  You can't control Joe, but you can control what you do with your time and education. 

I was once in a recitation class (small group class with TA attached to a very large lecture type class).  Within one class period I figured out two things.  One: the TA (graduate teaching assistant) had no idea what was going on (I think it just wasn't her area of expertise and also perhaps she was assigned the class at the last minute) and two: there were some VERY annoying other students in the class who were constantly whispering and chatting and being generally disrespectful.  I have pretty much zero tolerance for that kind of behavior.  This was also a class in my major (Religious Studies) and I wanted to learn a lot.  I also knew my own personality and tolerance for obnoxious people and knew being in that class would raise my stress levels to unhealthy levels.

I went to the TA immediately after class and basically told her that the students talking in class was going to drive me nuts and I was serious about learning, and I was going to try to switch to a different class.  (I decided it was unnecessary to tell her I was pretty sure she didn't have a clue about the subject matter).  She understood completely and said it was fine.  I got out of there and into a different group with an absolutely fantastic TA.  And, I learned so much.

After the first few classes of Joe disrupting it and the professor doing nothing, I would have been out of there.  I would have switched classes or just dropped it altogether.  But, I would have made sure the professor, the dean, the guidance counselor, the president of the college, and whoever else knew exactly why.  I strongly worded letter that I felt forced out of a much wanted class because the professor refused to handle the situation.

I'm pretty perplexed that the professor allows this.  Any one acting like that in any college class I have ever taken would have absolutely been thrown out of class.

[CharlieBraun]

Niko, at this point, you need to take it up with campus police.  What you have described is assault.

[Nikko-chan]

No, Joe is still in class and being annoying. Unfortunately I can't switch to another class because this is a really small school. I mean like, super small. I have talked to the teacher about this many many times before, but either a) his hands are tied, and b) he can't really control Joe. I mean he wanders around the classroom and what not so yeah >.< It's like I am back in daycare or something. I am at the point where I am ready to use my "teacher in training" voice on him.

CharlieBraun, he didn't even touch me. If the other student want to do something about what they did to them, they can. Plus, we don't have police. We have "security" which... really they don't do much.

[CluelessBride]

Honestly? You are paying for an education (I assume, or someone else is paying for you). You are therefore entitled to receive that education. Oftentimes university administrations just don't want to deal with things that are a pain to deal with. Unfortunately that means sometimes to get what you are entitled to, you have to be the squeaky wheel. Start asking for a refund of the fees you paid for the class. Explain how you complained. Explain how Joe is unfairly disrupting your learning. Threaten to go to the press and/or college review sites and/or social media about how the school allows disruptive and border line abusive behavior in class and that the instructors appear to be unable to do anything about it.

Then follow through if they still refuse to deal with the situation. Don't lie. Don't embellish. But be honest about your experience (documentation obviously helps). I know that I would want to know if the administration condoned disruptive students, and it would definitely negatively affect my desire to attend that college/university. And I feel like people looking to study at a particular institution have a right to know what kind of class room environment to expect.

[TomatoBunny]

I know very little about art and nothing about inking specifically, but really, running a brush over a painting sounds like it could have the potential to smear/effect the work in many mediums. Even if the brush was dry, if your painting was not, couldn't it still smear a streak of your colors across the work? It seems like he could have potentially ruined your work, because unless ink is insta-dry, how did he know his brush swipe would be a joke and not malicious ruining?

I would think trying(?) to ruin your artwork would be a step up from the verbal 'annoyances' he's done so far.

[Nikko-chan]

I know very little about art and nothing about inking specifically, but really, running a brush over a painting sounds like it could have the potential to smear/effect the work in many mediums. Even if the brush was dry, if your painting was not, couldn't it still smear a streak of your colors across the work? It seems like he could have potentially ruined your work, because unless ink is insta-dry, how did he know his brush swipe would be a joke and not malicious ruining?

I would think trying(?) to ruin your artwork would be a step up from the verbal 'annoyances' he's done so far.

He actually ran his brush along the part where no ink was, thank heavens. I shoved him away because I thought his brush was wet, and so would have that grey water that happens when black paint or ink is still in the brush.

[Nebraska Jones]

I'm confused.  This was said earlier:
"Okay so apparently Professor put his foot down? I got a call earlier today from a friend of mine who was in that class (i wasn't there for the past few days), and he says that Joe picked up a friend of ours, Jamie, and when she yelled "HEY PUT ME DOWN!" The professor let him have it. So... it took having Joe giving a person unwanted physical contact in order for Professor to get angry enough to make him stop? That's... that's a bit scary for me."

and then the following:

Well, I guess a little clarification is needed. The friend who called me, Thomas, didn't know the words to describe what happened (English isn't his first language). When he said picking up, he meant "flirting with" so basically Joe tried to ask Jamie out.  Yeah, that went over real well. Jamie pretty much told him she wasn't interested.

So did the professor yell at him for trying to ask her out?  Surely Jamie didn't yell, correct?  So the professor was never angry with him even though that's what was relayed to you?

[guihong]

My thought is to quietly and discreetly film Joe in action with your phone.  That's documentation. 

[CharlieBraun]

CharlieBraun, he didn't even touch me. If the other student want to do something about what they did to them, they can. Plus, we don't have police. We have "security" which... really they don't do much.

Assault does not always require physical contact.

Nikko, you started this thread nearly a month ago.  A month worth of wasted class time and fractured education.  At the very least, what Joe is doing is stealing from you - stealing your time and education.

Whether or not you believe security can "do" something or not, please don't throw up your hands and not contact them simply because you are assuming that they can do nothing.  They might be able to do something that you are not even aware of.

It is imperative that you raise your voice and report this to every possible venue - dean of department, dean of student affairs, security, your professor's boss, campus ombudsman, president of the college, any member of the board of governors.  Include in that list the financial or bursar's office.  Go to them and ask what financial reimbursement or tuition relief you can expect for having your classroom time stolen.

He's a bully and a thief, and even if you don't believe it, I do: he has committed a form of assault.

[Nikko-chan]

I'm confused.  This was said earlier:
"Okay so apparently Professor put his foot down? I got a call earlier today from a friend of mine who was in that class (i wasn't there for the past few days), and he says that Joe picked up a friend of ours, Jamie, and when she yelled "HEY PUT ME DOWN!" The professor let him have it. So... it took having Joe giving a person unwanted physical contact in order for Professor to get angry enough to make him stop? That's... that's a bit scary for me."

and then the following:

Well, I guess a little clarification is needed. The friend who called me, Thomas, didn't know the words to describe what happened (English isn't his first language). When he said picking up, he meant "flirting with" so basically Joe tried to ask Jamie out.  Yeah, that went over real well. Jamie pretty much told him she wasn't interested.

So did the professor yell at him for trying to ask her out?  Surely Jamie didn't yell, correct?  So the professor was never angry with him even though that's what was relayed to you?

I actually don't know. All I know from Jamie is that he tried to ask her out. What I got from Thomas was somewhat fractured information, as, like I said English isn't his first language. Plus he has an accent that makes him really hard to understand over the phone, so the misinformation was partially my fault, because I couldn't understand some of what he was saying over the phone.


Guihong if I could film him with my phone I would, but alas, no camera on it.

CharlieBraun you have a great idea with contacting financial aid and all of that... I'll look into that when I go back next week (on spring break).

[oogyda]

Honestly, I feel your frustration.  I'm amazed that the instructor has let this go on so long.  However, I caution the OP to tread very lightly now as she is the one who has physically assaulted someone.  Even if running a dry brush over a person's clothing qualifies as assault, physically shoving someone is far worse.  I know it was knee-jerk reaction, but it was inapprpriate.

[Nikko-chan]

It's been awhile since I updated this thread and I thought everyone would like to know what happened.

One week I went to school, and talked to the guy who is like, the dean of our tiny campus, or rather the leader. And I told him about Joe. Again. He said to talk to my teacher about it. I went O.O. "Oh-kay."

And after that day, I did not go back to school in any capacity. I have had it. Four years I have been in that school. For an associates. Four years of screw ups and fights in the hallway (that happened like twice) and this thing with Joe is the straw that broke the camel's back.

It is seriously better for my mental and emotional health if at this point in time I do not go to school. At least not that school. Seriously, even thinking about going to school makes me want to cry. I literally get tears in my eyes.

Thank you everyone for your advice on how to handle the situation. It was helpful.

[Katana_Geldar]

Have you written them a letter explaining your reason for withdrawing? If you were at my uni while I was a student rep, your letter would have been tables at the next board meeting.

You should not have had to put up with that.

[*inviteseller]

You let Joe win.  I would talk to someone in their student affairs department...I know you have said it is a small school (is this type of a corporate run school?) but to just walk away seems to be a strange statement.  I realize your stressed, but to throw away your education and to say there is no one seems so extreme.  Please re think just stopping your education over 1 person!

[Nikko-chan]

Have you written them a letter explaining your reason for withdrawing? If you were at my uni while I was a student rep, your letter would have been tables at the next board meeting.

You should not have had to put up with that.

I didn't formally withdraw.... I've just stopped going. It was more like "This is getting to be too much, I have to stop going now" and I just stopped going to school. They are actually so disorganized they probably wouldn't have gotten the letter anyway.