Bullying in college-- how to handle? TINY Update 49, 62, 71, Final Update 86

[Lynn2000]

This guys sounds really juvenile. Like you said, you're in college, you're all (probably) legal adults now, people should be beyond this ridiculous behavior. One great thing about college, at least IME, is that there's a whole bureaucracy in place that I at least didn't have in my high school--if you've talked to your direct instructor and they won't do anything, talk to the next person in line above them. For example, if this is an art class, there is probably an Art Department which has a Head or Dean. If you have an academic advisor you could also talk to them and ask them what the proper channels are.

I went to a very large university, so this may be a different situation from you, but rumors about who was dating who were of exactly zero interest to anyone. Again, you are adults now, and who you're dating (or not) is no one's business but yours. I would be tempted to laugh in Joe the Jerk's face at his pathetic attempt to stir up drama with this. Don't act like it's a big deal and it will die out.

It is definitely fine to ignore someone who is bothering you. Don't even look over at him or acknowledge him in any way. If possible, sit on the opposite side of the room from him. Tell the teacher that if Joe bothers you in class again you're going to move, so she knows. And then do it, even in the middle of class. I would expect the teacher to then not allow Joe to move to follow you; if she doesn't stop him, that's one more thing you can talk to the Dean about. Frankly I would expect her to have kicked a mouthy brat like Joe out of her class a long time ago--this is not like high school where there's some obligation to somehow teach all the students who show up. The students here in college are paying for their education and Joe is ruining that for at least one of them.

[JoyinVirginia]

This us a disruptive student who needs to have some consequences. Is he doing anything that might be interpreted as sexual harassment? Discussion with the dean or an administrator might be able to clarify that.  you are perfectly fine to refuse to engage or talk to this person at all. This is not a social situation. You are paying for a service -   the class - which is not being provided because of this persons actions. You have every right to complain to the service provider.
If you do not get satisfactory response from administration, I suggest you contact your state legislator. I am assuming the community college gets state funding. This is why legislators have office staff, they do get questions and complaints about all kinds of things all the time.

[Moray]

This situation reads a little bit like the classic "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you!" exchange everyone has had sometime in their early childhood. Unless you stop rising to his bait, it's going to be pretty difficult. He's not bullying you, he's being a jerk, a smart[redacted], and a clown. So treat him like one. Stop giving him the satisfaction of getting you all flustered. You'll probably encounter more of these jokers as you progress through your academic career and then out into the workplace. They don't deserve your time or mental energy.


I do think it's the professor's responsibility to rein him in regarding class disruptions, but I also think that his lack of response could indicate that you find it far more annoying than other students who may just laugh it off. The offering to simmer down in exchange for a group project, for example. That's so ridiculous as to be laughable, worthy of an eyeroll at worst, and it probably was for most of the class.


 

[onyonryngs]

I went to a community college - rumors don't matter in the slightest.  No one cares, trust me.  Just ignore him and maybe speak to the instructor about the classroom disruption.

[gramma dishes]

You have no reason to feel that you need to be "nice" to him.

Don't you think he's coming off looking like a complete and total donkey's behind to EVERYONE?  Certainly the teacher and the other students in the class realize what infantile behavior this is. 

If it seems he picks on you specifically it's probably because you are the only one who seems flustered by it. 

Having said that, I think the professor would be well advised to throw this chump out of class.  There is no reason for him/her to be that tolerant.  I'm surprised it hasn't happened.  Is this guy the son of the college President or Chairman of the Board or something? 

[Nikko-chan]

I will reply to everyone's posts when I have more time (have to get ready to go for round two here in a moment, and the first class up is Art... the one with this fellow in it) but I just wanted to let everyone know that we... don't have a Dean. At least not at my college. Like they have it at Main Campus, because there are tons of students that go there. At LittleCampus we don't have that, because it wouldn't make sense to have two deans, and it's small. I do have an idea of who to go to now that you mentioned that.
Also wanted to add: teacher did yank him out of class one day and gave him what for. We all knew what the teacher was doing when he pulled the kid out of class, considering he had been acting like a jerk for weeks. I'll give the teacher one more chance to get this matter resolved, then I will move up the chain.

As for the rumors when I said damage control I meant "Oh are you going out with so and so?" "No.... what made you think that?" The original mess was caused by friend himself. I resolved that and Joe started in with creating rumors. He did that for about a week (and me repeatedly saying "No we are not an item") before I lost it on him (the "go to ehell" i mentioned in my original post). He left me alone for like 2 days 

[dawbs]

the gossip is gossip, there's diddly and squat you can do to control that and damage control does just escalate it into more visibility--it's like the famous people who sue to keep their house photos gone--it publicizes the address more than doing nothing would have.

If he keeps up unwanted attention, you deal w/ that--because ignoring only goes so far.  Avoid...and then, personally, I would cause a scene.
Tell him once, very clearly, that you do not wish to have further unwanted attentions from him.
If he continues, get up, walk into the hallway and call campus security. 

If this person is disrupting the class without the prof handling it effectively, you escalate to the dean/head of dept/etc.

[Moray]

I guess what I don't get is why you care so much that he's going "Nikko and Friend, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!". He's not spreading rumors that you're cheating, or selling dope, or anything that could affect your life in any way.

As onyonrings pointed out, no one is paying any real attention to this but you. If someone asks, correct them, but don't make a big deal out of it, or you'll give credence to what he said.

[TurtleDove]

I guess what I don't get is why you care so much that he's going "Nikko and Friend, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!". He's not spreading rumors that you're cheating, or selling dope, or anything that could affect your life in any way.

As onyonrings pointed out, no one is paying any real attention to this but you. If someone asks, correct them, but don't make a big deal out of it, or you'll give credence to what he said.

This.  I don't understand his motivation at all.  I also don't really understand the backstory of your friend (alleged boyfriend) causing this in the first place, but really, who cares?  That is a serious question - who do you think cares about what the "bully" is saying and why do you think they care?  Chances are the answer for most people will be "they don't care" and for those that do, they know you and wouldn't believe the "bully."  I wouldn't give this any space in your head.

[AnnaJ]

As a couple of people have mentioned, the sort of behavior this guy is engaging in sounds like it goes beyond immature and moves into disability territory, which does limit some of what an instructor can do - or not, just a guess.

I'm not entirely sure how this impacts your learning, however; as long as you can ask the instructor questions in class, to clarify any points you think might have been lost when this other student interrupts, I don't see how it impacts your education.

[onyonryngs]

I'm always confused when people jump to the conclusion that a jerk must have some sort of disability.  Sometimes they're not on the spectrum, they're just jerks who think they can get away with being rude.  Period. 

[Dalek]

I've encountered people like this. In 5th grade.

I don't see him as disabled. If being a jerk makes someone disabled, then the majority of drivers during rush hour are disabled.

[LeveeWoman]

When you hear the thud of hooves, they're usually from a horse--not a zebra.

[AnnaJ]

When you hear the thud of hooves, they're usually from a horse--not a zebra.

As a community college instructor, I have to say there are a lot of zebras out there.

[Moray]

When you hear the thud of hooves, they're usually from a horse--not a zebra.

As a community college instructor, I have to say there are a lot of zebras out there.

Ok, so let's say that he's got a disability of some sort, or that he had a bad experience with alien abduction, or whatever. Does it really matter the reason he's being like this? The OP still has to decide to stop reacting to this guy, and his disruptions still have to be dealt with (or not, as is appropriate to the situation )