School Valentines Day norms

[Lynn2000]

I forgot about the roses and candygrams--that was when I was a little older, junior high (candygrams only) and high school (both). I don't recall ever having a bad experience with them or thinking they were awful. Usually people who were dating would get them for each other, especially the roses in high school. With candygrams you and your best friend might send them to each other. Not many people really got them overall, so it wasn't a case of, "Ha ha, Bobby's the only one in the room without any!" People talked a lot about sending one anonymously to someone they had a crush on, but it never really happened as far as I recall.

In both junior high and high school kids would arrange to have flowers or balloons delivered to their SO at school, too. The local florists would run a low-cost special with that audience in mind--for some reason, a single helium-filled mylar balloon attached to a can of pop to weight it down was the "in" thing. You could add a single rose if you were the classy sort. My personal favorite was the mylar balloon with a face on it and streamers for arms and legs, and pennies in the feet to weight it slightly--they would drift creepily through the halls like they were "walking" if you didn't keep an eye on them. The teachers were pretty good about keeping the distractions of the day to a minimum.

In all of these cases I didn't really notice people being sad or left out. Well, of course some people who had a silent crush on someone else would hope against hope that their crush would magically notice them, fall in love, and single them out with a huge bouquet of flowers in front of everyone else, but--that's pretty unrealistic no matter what. Usually these things were agreed upon in advance by people who were solidly dating, so although Katie's friends went "awww!" when Tommy sent her a rose, no one was really surprised. Guys who didn't send their girlfriends something might get a little ribbing on the day, but I never heard any drama about them that lasted longer.

[Sheila Take a Bow]

There's a pretty wide variety at my daughter's preschool.  If I remember right, last year about half of the class gave a small card with candy attached, a couple of people made something, one or two kids gave larger goody bags, and the rest were just cards.  I can't remember who did what (except the crafty ones, because I'm a crafty type as well and I totally admit I'm looking for ideas for future projects).

If anything, I'm glad that everyone doesn't give candy, because my daughter still has most of her Halloween candy left and the backlog is just getting ridiculous.

[Sharnita]

As a secondary teacher halloween and valentine's day are dreadful days. The kids haul flowers, balloons, stuffed animals and other various tokens from class to class. They quiz others who might not have gotten anything. It is generally a day of status and Yoyshowing off.

[snowflake]

When I was a kid, I did the cartoon valentine thing and bought chocolate to go in each one.  I passed out valentines to everyone in the class.  What I didn't pick up on is that by 4th grade you ONLY included candy if you liked the person.  Which is how I ended up being teased about liking every single boy in the class and people calling me a name for a woman who is not discriminating about Scrabble.  Good thing I wasn't sensitive and ended up calling them ingrates back. (Who looks for nefarious motives in CHOCOLATE??)

The stuff I see other mothers bringing is INSANE.  Lots of cute, cute crafts.  Um, no.  Maybe if my life were sane, which it isn't right now. 

I printed out some valentines online and spent 15 minutes cutting them out with a paper cutter.  I think I am the ONLY person in the world who has spent LESS time on valentines than she did as a child.  But I still attached chocolate to them because my kids are 2 and 4 and I'm pretty sure that's all their friends care about.

[workerbee]

I have preschool-aged kids, and I don't really follow "what everyone else is doing."  My kids will go to school tomorrow with little cards for each classmate (store-bought for the 2-year-old, the 4-year-old is into art so we made some from a little kit of stickers, etc.). For the 4-year-old's class I'm including one little chocolate heart for each kid. The 2 year old is contributing mini-bags of popcorn to the class party.

As a parent, I would rather my child not come home laden with trinkets, candy, etc. I just end up hiding it and throwing it out eventually. I get so tired of every holiday being turned into a massive candy-and-treat-fest.

I would love to find a school that prohibits sugary snacks, like the one mentioned above!

[lilfox]

I remember decorating shoe boxes or file folders (to make a big envelope) in elem school, and during card exchange time, everyone got up from their desks and dropped cards into other kids' card-holders.  I don't recall if there was an official policy to give valentines to everyone, or if it was enforced, but I think most people either gave to everyone or only a few people.  Some came with the candy hearts, maybe some chocolates, not much else though.

My daughter's daycare has had a card exchange for every Valentine's day since she was one (never too early for anything these days).  Very few of the cartoon valentines have been given with candy or toys, but the class usually has a mini-party with very sugary cookies or cupcakes.  I'm not sure why the daycare instructors would choose to load 15-20 toddlers up on sugar, but it happens.

The first year, the only package of cards I liked came with "seed paper" which you could plant and it grew little flowers or something.  I kept all the seed papers and gave them to the teachers for a class project rather than risk the kids chewing on them.

Last year I think I just got the standard cartoon pack.  This year the store was completely sold out of the big cheap packs two days ago (!) but you could still buy individual candy packs.  I need 20 so I made my own.  Originally I wanted DD to help but she doesn't have the attention span or interest to color in 20 hearts.
Cheapest V-day cards possible - I traced a heart cookie cutter with a Sharpie onto heavy watercolor paper, cut them out, then painted them.  Tonight I'll write candy heart sayings on them (U R Sweet, Q-T, Be Mine, that sort of thing).  Done!

Personally I prefer if no one gives candy or toys and I can't see doing a goody bag ever, even if that's the standard in a few years when she's in elem school.

[MissRose]

When I was in elementary school, it was the cheap single little cards and envelopes, and you had to include all your classmates in your class + the teacher.  I can't remember if candy and sweets were included.

Middle school and high school there were sometimes sales of candy and stuff that was handed out later, and of course many girls got flowers and/or balloons from boyfriends. If I could have had my mother call me off sick that day, it would be better as I was seldom a recipient of that stuff anyways & felt left out!!

[bopper]

I think it is the mom's trying to outmom the other mom's.

[Thipu1]

In high school, there was no formal recognition of Valentine's Day at all.  You could wear a little heart pin on the lapel of your school blazer on the day. By the same token,  you could wear a pumpkin for Halloween or a Shamrock for St. Patrick's day.  It was all very low key.     

[squeakers]

Most of the Walmart sets of 24 valentines come with _something_ to attach to or are part of the valentines.  I think last year it was chocolate, the year before it was smelly stickers and the year before that was small boxes of the conversation candies.

My youngest is in junior high so I will miss the ritual of the boys sitting down and painstakingly writing their classmates' names on each card. I won't miss having to clean up the extras (small classes) that ended up under the couch, stashed on my desk or set in the bathroom?!?

[rose red]

Since we are also sharing our childhood school days, I remember decorating paper lunch bags to hold Valentine cards.  Oh, the excitement when a classmate included a chocolate heart or lollypop because that extra step was rare back in the day.

[yokozbornak]

As a preschool teacher and a mom of two young children, I think you are fine if you want to just do cards.  I would say about half my students bring just cards and half bring asweet or goody bag.  The children are happy to receive anything!

On a funny note, one of the mom's sent toothrbrushes with a little card.  The ones for the girls had a princess on them, and the one for the boys had a super hero.  They thought they were awesome!

[MummySweet]

My younger children are in the first and third grades.   Each had to make their own "Mail Box" and they will each have valentines to give to everyone.    Our school district has very strict party and food policy, so they will not have a class party (just time to distribute their cards) and no sweets or goody bags containing food can be given out.     

[twiggy]

Sorry everyone, I'm *that mom* this year. DS and I just finished painstakingly constructing Valentine's Day robots. The body is a box of conversation hearts, the legs are made from starbursts, with smartie arms, and starburst heads. They look cute, and sugary.....and they looked quicker/easier on Pintrest.

Next year I'm getting the box of cards with stickers

[kareng57]

Cards only, and for the whole class.  The teachers definitely discouraged - although I don't know whether they downright prohibited - things like candy treats.

We moved with our young kids during early February.  Both the kindergarten teacher (though we'd registered ahead of time) and the preschool teacher were thoughtful enough to give an extra notice to class-parents to make an extra Valentine.  It really helped our sons to feel included.