General Etiquette > Techno-quette

Pushing the Wrong Buttons - Friending Error

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I wonder if what is happening is that Facebook often "suggests" to people that they should "Friend" mutual friends. If you don't look carefully it looks like they are asking to friend you and you are accepting their request but to them it seems that you are the one asking asking, and not wanting to be rude they will accept.  My husband was gaily clicking on these Facebook generated Friend requests before I pointed it out and he now has a bunch of distant relatives he doesn't know on his friend list.


--- Quote from: demarco on February 13, 2013, 04:47:34 PM ---I've done this twice.  I'm looking at friend's friend list and I accidentally send a friend request to someone on the list, evidently.  I say evidently because I receive a notice that so and so has accepted my friend request.  So and so was on the original friend's friend list. I assume this happens because I tapped the wrong button.  I think of it as fat finger syndrome (the facebook equivalent of butt dialing)  but maybe it's some kind of facebook spasm that has nothing to do with me. I don't know.   

The first time this happened I was riding in the car with DH, killing time on my phone with facebook.  A few minutes later I got an acceptance from a fellow DH and I knew very slightly in college.  He was a nice guy but I didn't want him as a facebook friend.  I have a tiny list of friends on facebook and am not comfortable with adding any more for the foreseeable future. I checked and saw that he had hundreds of friends and would scarcely noticed if I disappeared so I didn't sent him any explanation.  I just defriended him. 

The second time was yesterday. I was looking at my nephew's wall and looked up niece (nephew's cousin) who is on nephew's friends list.  I have not seen niece since she was a child and wanted to see some of her pictures. 

DH and I have had a fraught relationship with niece's branch of the family for decades.  I refer to them privately as The East Coast Crisis Machine.  For the sake of preserving our own sanity we minimize contact with them.  There was an eruption around Christmas time which we dealt with by ignoring.  Just a few days ago DH and I were congratulating ourselves because our strategy worked.

Last night I received niece's acceptance of my friend request. I didn't mean to send her a friend request.   I don't know how this happened but I do know that I've got trouble no matter what I do. I don't want to keep her as a friend because I don't want her mother to have access to my stuff. Defriending niece could start a war. This is no ordinary family.  The dynamics are such that I am certain that niece has discussed this with her parents and that a great deal is being made of it.  This morning I told DH what happened and he agrees that this will set something off.  He thought it was funny but I don't.   

Have any of you sent friend requests to people accidentally?  How did you deal with it?

Relegate the niece to an acquaintance. Then, change your settings so acquaintances are limited in what they can see and do with your profile. She won't even know she's blocked.




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--- Quote from: Lindee on February 13, 2013, 05:41:20 PM ---I wonder if what is happening is that Facebook often "suggests" to people that they should "Friend" mutual friends. If you don't look carefully it looks like they are asking to friend you and you are accepting their request but to them it seems that you are the one asking asking...

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YES! I fell for this once when I first joined Facebook. And I felt like a moron.

Facebook suggested that I knew this guy John. We'd gone to college together, I hardly knew him, but I had dated his best friend. I thought John was sending me a friend request. At that time, the exboyfriend was not on Facebook and I figured there was no harm in accepting the friend request.

A few hours later, I got a private message from John saying "How do we know each other exactly?" And I thought to myself "He's the one who sent me the request. Underneath my name it shows that my network is our alma mater. Why is he asking me this question?" I wrote him back and mentioned college and mentioned his fraternity, but I didn't mention my exboyfriend.

John wrote back again something, I can't remember what. After several messages between us where he seemed kinda stand offish, I realized that *I* had been the one who had sent him the friend request. I felt like a heel. But at this point, I guess I had convinced him of my worthiness and he had accepted my friend request!

I was too embarrassed to tell him what had happened at that point. But after that, I tried really hard not to click on any buttons that looked like I might be adding a friend. And if I accidentally do, I quickly try to revoke the friend request. I think you can "un-invite" someone to be your friend if you catch it quickly enough.

Your friends can also suggest that you friend people as well. I've gotten "suggestions" from friends to friend other people I sort of know or know of, but wouldn't really want to be frirends with, as I don't know them well enough.

Fortunately, since the connection between them and me is so distant, I can generally tell who actually sent me a direct requeset, and who was "suggested" to me by someone else.

I also got one friend request from a guy who was in my class in HS. But I don't know that I ever spoke to him, or anything like that. I think he must have done it by accident, and since I don't know him, I didn't accept.

I have noticed people pop up on my FB that have mutual friends, that I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I did NOT friend.

Maybe it is a FB glitch, and you arent really hitting any buttons at all.


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