Proofreader, Only Not Really (Small update P.25)

[weeblewobble]

By the way, "I don't want to" is a perfectly acceptable reason not to do something.  She'll be cold?  Big deal.  She'll be disappointed.  Big deal.  Her coldness, tantrums, disappointment, or general grumpiness are not your problems. 

[JenJay]

Look at it this way.  She sees you as one of those Big Red Easy Buttons from Staples.  She pushes the button and answers, advise, decisions- all of the less fun, hard parts of writing come tumbling out like a vending machine.

You put an "out of order" sign on the machine, by telling her things like, "Up to you" and "My brain isn't working right now."  So she's pushing the button again and again, because she figures that eventually, the machine will give up and just give her what she wants.  She looks at you as a machine, with no needs, interests, or boundaries of her own.  Simply there for her convenience.  Think about that for a second.
*snip*

That is so awesome!! OP, you need to completely remove the button. If your friend can't take "I'm only available to proofread" as an answer then the next step is to become completely unavailable, period.

[GrammarNerd]

"I told you I'd help you by proofREADING.  That's an emphasis on the READING.  In order for me to proofREAD, I have to have something to READ first.  I don't have time to help you plot your story, toss ideas around, or brainstorm, or tell you what to write or what characters should say or do.  This is your story, not mine.  So let me know when you have something for me to actually READ, and I'll be happy to proof it then."

But man, she sounds frustrating!

[Winterlight]

"Friend, it seems like you're looking for a coauthor, not a beta. I don't have time to do more than proofread a completed draft, so you should go look for someone else to work with you on this." Then stick to it.

[RooRoo]

...this has happened four times now, with the rather snippy "A little advice, please." just today.

1. "No." It is a complete sentence, and is not rude.

2. The longer version: "I'm afraid that will not be possible." Give no explanations; just repeat ad nauseam.

3. "A little advice, please sentence fragment"
- In the days when it was done by hand, proofreaders used a blue pencil.

[Reika]

At this point I'd suggest  not even proofreading for her since she can't seem to grasp what that means.

I will admit to being baffled by her actions. I write my own fanfiction and while sometimes I may get frustrated with myself, there's a joy to be had when everything comes together knowing that I wrote it and no one else did.At this point I'd suggest maybe considering not even proofreading for her since she doesn't seem to get the concept of what that means.At this point I'd suggest maybe considering not even proofreading for her since she doesn't seem to get the concept of what that means.

[Lynn2000]

I like weeblewobble's post a lot. And the wording--you could even have "I don't know. It's up to you. I'm just the proofreader" in a text file somewhere, and copy & paste it into the chat box whenever she asks you a question about plotting, dialogue, etc.. Just keep doing it--it might take a while, but she will either get the point and stop asking, or YOU will decide you don't want to deal with her at all and sever the relationship.

Actually, I would suggest not chatting with her online anymore. I mean, if she's actively writing, she doesn't need to be asking you questions about anything in real time. She can write a couple of pages and email it to you, then you mark it up and email it back. If she doesn't understand a change she can email you again. You can answer her emails at your leisure, and if she emails you questions about the direction of the plot, you can still respond with the stock phrase from above. If you still want to help her as a proofreader, it might help your level of frustration to take away the immediacy of chatting.

I'm sure you're being clear with her. But it's not what she wants to hear, so she's trying to bulldoze through it, hoping you'll change your mind and give in.

[Miss Unleaded]

I think  Lynn2000 is on to something.  Can you hide your chat status and just ask her to email her work to you?  It seems like being blunt is not working.

[BeagleMommy]

...this has happened four times now, with the rather snippy "A little advice, please." just today.

1. "No." It is a complete sentence, and is not rude.

2. The longer version: "I'm afraid that will not be possible." Give no explanations; just repeat ad nauseam.

3. "A little advice, please sentence fragment"
- In the days when it was done by hand, proofreaders used a blue pencil.

RooRoo, you just made my day!

OP, as Weeble said, your friend wants to be a writer without doing the hard work.  She probably decided "hey, I can write better fanfic than that" and didn't realize that it is harder than it looks.

[buvezdevin]

Lots of good advice, and analogies from others, and I have nothing to add for use in making yourself clearer to her, as you have done so, yet she persists.

Though I enjoy the idea of feeding back to her her own actions as the proposed story line.

WriterWannaBe (WWB):  need some advice
CF:  have your main character ask guidance from a second character.
WWB:  what should he ask?
CF: for advice on what to do
WWB: why would he ask?
CF: he's an action figure who can't decide how to act.
WWB:  what should the advice be?
CF: to ask another character.  I think you can really run with this.

[LEMon]

OP, I would suggest taking her emotions totally out of it.  Cultivate a 'so what' attitude.  She's going to be cold?  So what?  She's sensitive?  So what?  Why should her emotions control you?  Your emotions don't seem to be of concern to her.

I would find a single phrase, like Twik's, and stick to it.

"Your story, your plot, your ideas."

[weeblewobble]

Hey CrochetFanatic, any update?

[CrochetFanatic]

Not really an update, but she hasn't mentioned it since the last time I told her that if she had something written I'd proofread it.  She might be busy, or she might have lost interest in the story.  Either way, we haven't been talking as much.  No falling-out or anything, though.