Author Topic: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again  (Read 7738 times)

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Auntie Mame

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No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
« on: February 13, 2013, 07:19:44 PM »
So I'm gluten free.  Honest to goodness nasty painful reaction gluten free.  I'm fine with being gluten free.  It's a first world problem that I don't give a second thought to unless I'm reading a label to make sure what I am about to eat is safe.  Okay, I will admit, I do sometimes sigh wistfully (on the inside) when I see yet another tray of yummy goodness I can't eat.  Especially since the office I work at is big on pastries and other treats so there is often something on the official "help yourself to the food" counter.

For the record:  I don't talk about being gluten free, I mention it so people don't think I'm a snob for not eating their offered treats.  Beyond that, I shut up about it.  it is what it is, and I don't feel the need to make a production.  That said:

It's the way other people react that is working my ever loving nerves.  There are two types of reactions:

1) The over dramatic imagined victim: This person Goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on (bangs head on desk) about how horrible it is to gluten free, how it must be so tragic to not eat certain foods anymore, How "if it were me I couldn't bear it", I mean it's just so terrible, you must suffer so much. Blah blah blah blah.

I am grateful that I have food and I am not starving.  I have seen true suffering, believe a gluten allergy in a major city isn't even in the same solar system as a tragedy.  I usually shrug, mumble about all the great gluten free products there are and change the subject.

2) The gloater:  The ones who have to stand over me and say over and over "Wow, Auntie Mame, it's too bad you can't have any of this, it's sooooo gooood.  But you can't eat it.  Too bad, it's good.  I mean really good." etc etc etc...

Yes, I know I can't, but gosh thank you so much for telling me how good it is and what I'm missing out on.   It's also good that continually remind me I can't have gluten, because if you don't the information will just leave my fuzzy little brain.  ::)

With these people I smile, say "oh that's nice" and change the subject.

I don't know how much longer I can tolerate this, it is wearing on my last nerve.  I know it's not malicious, but people need to know how incredibly annoying this is (and believe me, there are several repeat offenders).

How do I shut these comments down permanently?  Bean dipping doesn't worker because the repeat offenders keep coming back.  I need to ready some phrases to stop this once and for all before I say something that isn't very nice.

Thoughts?

Also, why do people feel the need to do this?  Honestly!
« Last Edit: February 13, 2013, 07:28:50 PM by Auntie Mame »
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CrochetFanatic

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Re: No, I can't eat, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2013, 07:28:58 PM »
It could be that they don't know what to say, and they overcompensate by running their mouths.

I don't really know how you can get them to stop, but have you tried turning things around a little bit?  Maybe bringing a really good gluten free dish to share, sort of proving that you don't really have to deprive yourself?  I'm not gluten free myself, but I've tried some really good gluten free foods.  The flourless chocolate cake recipe I tried a few weeks ago?  Heaven on a plate!

Auntie Mame

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Re: No, I can't eat, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2013, 07:30:39 PM »
It could be that they don't know what to say, and they overcompensate by running their mouths.



That's what I don't understand, why say anything at all.  It's not a big deal.  It's just a minor annoyance and one I don't really discuss with people, but they fixate on it.   I can't wrap my head around that. 
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Amara

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Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2013, 07:31:19 PM »
Can you take those who say these things aside individually and privately at a calm time and gently tell them honestly that comments about your health and what you can and cannot eat make you unhappy? If they are basically decent people that should be enough to make them apologize for their thoughtless comments. If they are not, then I don't have any suggestions.

bansidhe

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Re: No, I can't eat, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2013, 07:31:57 PM »
I've got some odd dietary restrictions that are, strangely enough, necessitated by my having rheumatoid arthritis. I've found that the overly dramatic types can usually be shut down by putting on a mildly puzzled look, saying something like "It just isn't a big deal to me," and changing the subject. In others words, be anti-dramatic. I haven't had a repeat offender of that variety yet using this method.

As for the gloaters, I suppose stabbing them with a fork isn't EHell approved... I've been fortunate enough to have not encountered one of those yet. Perhaps try saying something along the lines of "I'm not sure why you think sharing that information is helpful?" in a questioning tone as if you're expecting an answer, then shut up and wait for the person to provide a logical answer - or rather, to realize how inane he or she sounds.

I'm very surprised that you haven't encountered another common reaction:
3. "You probably don't really have a problem with gluten. It's all in your head."  ::)
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Arizona

LeveeWoman

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Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2013, 07:41:08 PM »
So I'm gluten free.  Honest to goodness nasty painful reaction gluten free.  I'm fine with being gluten free.  It's a first world problem that I don't give a second thought to unless I'm reading a label to make sure what I am about to eat is safe.  Okay, I will admit, I do sometimes sigh wistfully (on the inside) when I see yet another tray of yummy goodness I can't eat.  Especially since the office I work at is big on pastries and other treats so there is often something on the official "help yourself to the food" counter.

For the record:  I don't talk about being gluten free, I mention it so people don't think I'm a snob for not eating their offered treats.  Beyond that, I shut up about it.  it is what it is, and I don't feel the need to make a production.  That said:

It's the way other people react that is working my ever loving nerves.  There are two types of reactions:

1) The over dramatic imagined victim: This person Goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on (bangs head on desk) about how horrible it is to gluten free, how it must be so tragic to not eat certain foods anymore, How "if it were me I couldn't bear it", I mean it's just so terrible, you must suffer so much. Blah blah blah blah.

I am grateful that I have food and I am not starving.  I have seen true suffering, believe a gluten allergy in a major city isn't even in the same solar system as a tragedy.  I usually shrug, mumble about all the great gluten free products there are and change the subject.

2) The gloater:  The ones who have to stand over me and say over and over "Wow, Auntie Mame, it's too bad you can't have any of this, it's sooooo gooood.  But you can't eat it.  Too bad, it's good.  I mean really good." etc etc etc...

Yes, I know I can't, but gosh thank you so much for telling me how good it is and what I'm missing out on.   It's also good that continually remind me I can't have gluten, because if you don't the information will just leave my fuzzy little brain.  ::)

With these people I smile, say "oh that's nice" and change the subject.

I don't know how much longer I can tolerate this, it is wearing on my last nerve.  I know it's not malicious, but people need to know how incredibly annoying this is (and believe me, there are several repeat offenders).

How do I shut these comments down permanently?  Bean dipping doesn't worker because the repeat offenders keep coming back.  I need to ready some phrases to stop this once and for all before I say something that isn't very nice.

Thoughts?

Also, why do people feel the need to do this?  Honestly!

I'm not sure how to handle the first group, but I'd ask the meanies in the second group why they find it necessary to gloat about it in front of me, that I find such comments insensitive. I'd ask them how they'd feel if someone said something similar to them.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2013, 09:16:57 PM »
To the first group I'd say "Just as well you aren't me, then."

To the second group, I'd say, pointedly "Yes, you've said that several times already."

JenJay

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Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #7 on: February 13, 2013, 09:17:10 PM »
For either type of person I'd say "It's not that big a deal. Technically I could eat some, but it would hurt me, so I choose not to." For the 2nd group you could add "Maybe I should add you to the list of things I avoid at meals since you seem to be trying to upset me, too.  :-\"   >:D

Miss Tickle

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Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #8 on: February 13, 2013, 09:34:28 PM »
That's so weird. I tend to get Me too! or Have you tried the gluten free bakery down the street? I'm sorry your work mates are like that.  I'd find it harassing to be repeatedly tormented about a medical condition. I think I might tell them that. Just a simple tilt of the head and not a hint of a smile, "Are you teasing me about a medical condition? That's not appropriate." Don't say anything else. If they persist stare at them with the least impressed face you can, pull out your cellphone and start recording. This will work forever, because if they return, just pull out your phone again right from the start. If they question you, tell them the truth. Recorded evidence of harassment is much superior to anecdotal.

To the others, I'd say that I regret saying anything about being gluten free, as you were looking for understanding not pity.

You are the best judge of who and how you do that, but it should stop the comments dead.

Or bring in gluten free treats and chow down with them!

Auntie Mame

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Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2013, 09:36:02 PM »
Great replies, thank you!  I especially love the baffled response "it doesn't bother me"

Bandsidhe:  I think the reason I don't get the "it's all in your head your response" is because too many people have seen my reaction when I have gluten.  My stomach swells, I double over in pain and then I, well ummm.. There is some unpleasantness, we'll put it that way.  It's hard to tell someone they are imagining it when staring right at the physical evidence.
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LA lady

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Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2013, 11:22:52 PM »
What about the Toots Special cut and paste technique for group 2:
"Yes, so you've said."  (said dead flat, looking the offender in the eye.)

"Yes, so you've said."

"Yes, so you've said."

After the third repetition, you could add: "Yes, so you've said.  Repeatedly."  Still with a flat look,flat voice.


christmascarol

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Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2013, 12:36:34 AM »
I can't eat a lot of things because of allergies and I get the comments, too.  My stock reply is, "Nothing's So good it's worth dying for."  It's shut everyone up so far.

ammyd

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Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2013, 01:20:29 AM »
I get the gloating from my friends sometimes. My allergy is a fairly new development and it's shellfish which is something a majority of us love. So now when it's one of the seafood fests at Red Lobster I get gloaty text messages about how awesome it's going to be when they go there for dinner.

Amava

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Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2013, 01:35:54 AM »
2) The gloater:  The ones who have to stand over me and say over and over "Wow, Auntie Mame, it's too bad you can't have any of this, it's sooooo gooood.  But you can't eat it.  Too bad, it's good.  I mean really good." etc etc etc...
Wow. What? 

and
I get the gloating from my friends sometimes. My allergy is a fairly new development and it's shellfish which is something a majority of us love. So now when it's one of the seafood fests at Red Lobster I get gloaty text messages about how awesome it's going to be when they go there for dinner.
Wow. What again??

Quote from: Auntie Mame
Also, why do people feel the need to do this?  Honestly!
Funny, I was asking myself the exact same question.
What the heck is wrong with people?
Maybe next time this happens, ask /them/.
"Why do you feel the need to point that out?"

I would be interested in their reply because it baffles me.
I mean, what the heck?? They're grown-ups?  >:(

CakeEater

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Re: No, I can't eat that, thank you for reminding me...again
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2013, 01:52:37 AM »
What about a confused, "Are you trying to make me feel bad?"
Them: No
You still confused: Why are you doing that then?
Them: It's a joke
You still confused: Uh huh
and turn back to what you were doing.

Or
Them: yes
You: Silence, confused look, turn back to what you were doing

It's completely bizarre to me as well that any adult would find food intolerances so funny.