Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Would you apologize on your spouse's behalf? Update (Examples) post 20

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Zilla:

--- Quote from: bah12 on February 14, 2013, 10:41:36 AM ---I think the specific situation matters.  In most cases, I would hope that I wouldn't hear about my husband's behavior second hand and I'm not sure (again depending on what it was) that I would automatically assume that my husband needed to be apologized for.

But, hypothetically, if it were by best friend who said my DH said something harsh or acted in a boorish way (so, now we have two people I trust almost implicitly), and I had no prior knowledge of the incident.  I might say something like "Really?  Wow! That's a terrible thing to say/act.  I can't imagine what he was thinking because that isn't like him at all.  Do you want me to talk to him for you?  He owes you, at the least, an explanation."

So, not dismissive of my friend but not exactly throwing my DH under the bus either.

--- End quote ---
And as the OP stated that the husband was spoken to and refuse to aplogize and doesn't see anything wrong.  What do you do then?  Now friend is expecting you to wrangle your dh into speaking to her.  I think it's best just to not get involved and change the subject.

SiotehCat:
I would apologize for my DH.

If my DH offended someone that I cared about, whether he thought he was right or wrong, he would also be apologizing. I would make sure of it.

dawbs:
I see nothing wrong w/ apologizing for adults.

If my mom does something awkward and embarrassing, I'd tell my friend "I'm sorry, I know that was uncomfortable"
Same w/ a spouse.  It's not a replacement for the spouse's apology, it's my apology for putting my friend in contact w/ someone who did something bad/awkward/hurtful/embarassing/whatever.

Bethalize:
I would let my friend know that I thought an apology was warranted and that I was personally sorry that the incident had happened.

I've just fired (well, as much as you can fire an independent contractor without a pre-pay contract) a sporting coach because their business partner was egregiously obnoxious to a beginner. The coach didn't get in contact afterwards to say that the incident shouldn't have happened and that they were sorry it had happened or offer to make reparations on behalf of the business, so I am left assuming that they are fine with behaviour that I think is completely unacceptable. Filing official complaints unacceptable. The coach didn't personally commit the transgression, but you can bet your little sugar cookies that I see them as a unit and as responsible for what happens on the event that they are responsible for. I don't care to associate with someone who tolerates such behaviour.

So yes, apologising because of a spouse is important or you are tarred with the same brush.

gorplady:

--- Quote from: SiotehCat on February 14, 2013, 10:49:37 AM ---I would apologize for my DH.

If my DH offended someone that I cared about, whether he thought he was right or wrong, he would also be apologizing. I would make sure of it.

--- End quote ---


My partner is fairly clueless when it comes to interpersonal relationships. He oftentimes will do/say things without always thinking of the consequences and can irritate people inadvertently. I don't/won't apologise for him, nor will I make him apologise.  I am not his mom.

I do let him know if someone approaches me about it and I do tell the other person that they need to talk to him, but I'm not going to apologise for him.

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