You're a great friend, but how good at your job are you?

[JenJay]

Thank you all for the excellent advice. I particularly like the TurboTax suggestion; it's clear, objective, and if it brings up mistakes, I have something definite to show. If it's presented as our way of making absolutely sure we're held not going to be in trouble with the IRS, I can't see friend objecting. And it's perfectly true.
Then DH and I get have a talk about how these kinds of decisions need to be discussed first.

And if you use it through the website it's completely free unless you file through them (which is still pretty cheap, I just did ours and it was $65 for fed and state) so you can at least see what it should be and why, in case his estimate is different. Best wishes!

[lurkerwisp]

We had that happen the first year we were married. With our accountant -- my MIL.

My MIL isn't my accountant, but still has a shared investment account in DH's name so we're always stuck waiting on her for tax documents every year.  She's a tax procrastinator.  I'm a let's-do-taxes-in-January-er.  It is horrible.

I would recommend never ever letting any personal relationship get involved in your relationship with the IRS.  Hurt feelings are one thing, incorrect tax filings are another.  It's a terrible plan to let one interfere with the other.