Correcting or pointing fingers?

[RebeccainGA]

My DD, 19, is being deployed in the next couple of weeks with the Air National Guard to Qatar. This is the true picture of the situation. However, this morning, my dad posted on Facebook something about his *18* year old granddaughter being deployed to Afghanistan, in a much more precarious posting altogether, and posted a picture of her in training in uniform with a large weapon. Accurate picture (although she isn't always armed in this way when she's on her post), totally inaccurate description. And it was part of a very politically charged anti-government screed that frankly set my teeth on edge a bit.

Now normally I'd let it go - this isn't a news organization, it isn't (or shouldn't be) a big deal, and wouldn't be seen by many - except that now my aunt (his sister) is also running with the 18 year old to Afghanistan with a big gun picture and story, and both are starting to amass a significant number of 'likes' and comments about poor them and poor baby being sent to Afghanistan. While her posting isn't the Hilton, it's an R&R base for most of the other branches of service, and is nothing at all like the horrible conditions that those that ARE in Afghanistan will face.

I'm starting to feel like the family of one of those 'stolen valor' sorts that fakes having been in dangerous places for the attention they get - but it's not the kid that is doing it - it's my dad and aunt, and my aunt is honestly innocent (we don't talk often, aren't close, and she only saw this and posted because my dad did). Should I correct them? Or is this one of those times when pointing it out would be more harmful than useful?

[fountainsoflettuce]

I would do a casual correction.   It could turn into a whole big thing if this false statement continued.

[WillyNilly]

I would put an upbeat "comment" onto each of their posts "Oh don't worry so much.  Mary will actually be deployed with the Air National Guard to Qatar, a much less precarious posting. Yes its still deployment but she won't be in a situation to use her training gun as shown in this picture. we'll be sure to keep you in the loop about her health and safety." You might want to put in something like she is proud and eager to serve her country, or shes spent how ever many years/months training, etc as well if applicable.  Just basically try to honestly present a less precarious picture then the hyped up one he painted. I'm sure its not a casual thing to be deployed anywhere, but its not cool for your dad or your aunt to manipulate the situation to advance their personal opinions.

And then, at least on your dad's post, another comment "oh and by the way dad, your granddaughter is 19 "

[Surianne]

If your daughter hasn't seen it, I'd bring it to her attention, and let her make the correction if it bothers her. 

[RebeccainGA]

If your daughter hasn't seen it, I'd bring it to her attention, and let her make the correction if it bothers her. 

Pre-deployment, she's been required to deactivate her Facebook - and her sweetie, who is on Facebook, isn't friends with either of them so DD won't see it unless we print and mail it to her. That's part of why I feel like I should say something, since DD can't.

[Surianne]

If your daughter hasn't seen it, I'd bring it to her attention, and let her make the correction if it bothers her. 

Pre-deployment, she's been required to deactivate her Facebook - and her sweetie, who is on Facebook, isn't friends with either of them so DD won't see it unless we print and mail it to her. That's part of why I feel like I should say something, since DD can't.

Ah, gotcha.  I'd tell her the situation and let her decide on what she'd like you to say, then. 

[RebeccainGA]

If your daughter hasn't seen it, I'd bring it to her attention, and let her make the correction if it bothers her. 

Pre-deployment, she's been required to deactivate her Facebook - and her sweetie, who is on Facebook, isn't friends with either of them so DD won't see it unless we print and mail it to her. That's part of why I feel like I should say something, since DD can't.

Ah, gotcha.  I'd tell her the situation and let her decide on what she'd like you to say, then. 

That may be the best approach - we're going to see her, briefly, this weekend (last chance for six months), so if we're not all weepy, I may ask her. Knowing us, though, it'll be a soggy hour or two and then off she goes.

[MrTango]

I'd show the posts to her and see what she thinks

Certainly if your DD has a problem with her photograph being used for political or sensationalist purposes, you can mark the posts as harassing (there's an option to flag them as harassing another person).  Then, the moderators/administrators at Facebook could take them down.

[Zilla]

Why can't you call the dad and tell him it's wrong?  This is your own father right? 

[Yvaine]

I think you should definitely correct him. I worry about this getting your daughter in trouble if it gets around to someone above her in the pecking order.

[Hmmmmm]

I think your do need to correct especially since they are using the picture to politicize an issue and post an opinion that might not align with your DD's point of view.  I think I'd be very direct.

"If your going to use a photo of a relative to push your political agenda, you ought to at least get your facts correct.  She's 19, off to Qatar, and unlikely to see active combat like those who are truly deployed to Afghanistan. "

[RebeccainGA]

I decided to text him - don't want to do anything too public, but the facts wrong bugs me. Thankfully, since he's her step-grandfather and related distantly because of it (her bio-mom's ex-wife is my DP, so the legal ties are non-existent, even if the social/familial ties are there) I'm pretty sure no one in her chain of command will see it (and she's not identified by name, thank heavens). Haven't heard back, but am hopeful he'll fix it. Thanks everyone - was not wanting to be obnoxious about it, but something about the situation just wasn't sitting right, and I'm glad it wasn't just my pre-deployment mommy nerves.

[Yvaine]

I decided to text him - don't want to do anything too public, but the facts wrong bugs me. Thankfully, since he's her step-grandfather and related distantly because of it (her bio-mom's ex-wife is my DP, so the legal ties are non-existent, even if the social/familial ties are there) I'm pretty sure no one in her chain of command will see it (and she's not identified by name, thank heavens). Haven't heard back, but am hopeful he'll fix it. Thanks everyone - was not wanting to be obnoxious about it, but something about the situation just wasn't sitting right, and I'm glad it wasn't just my pre-deployment mommy nerves.

Glad you said something. This is the kind of thing that could easily go viral in the contentious political times we're having, and I'd hate to see someone recognize her in the photo and think she had anything to do with it.

[RebeccainGA]

Glad you said something. This is the kind of thing that could easily go viral in the contentious political times we're having, and I'd hate to see someone recognize her in the photo and think she had anything to do with it.

That was EXACTLY what I was afraid of. If they can find the minister that stiffed the waitress based on her scrawled signature, what would they do with an airman in uniform?

[camlan]

I have a family member who is deployed right now. My general rule of thumb is that I'll tell someone what country he is in, but that's it.

Honestly, I'm not really sure what he's doing, I only have a vague idea of where he is. I do know what unit he is with. But I don't even mention the few details that I do know. We're a military family back a few generations--the military members of the family simply don't talk much about what they do. We get the funny stories when things go haywire, but their actual jobs? One brother's been in the service 30 years and I have only the vaguest idea what he's been doing that whole time. But if I don't know what they are doing/where they are, I can't accidentally drop that information in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The less that's out there on the internet, the better for operational security. So if you want, you could address the issue with family by telling them that the less there is on Facebook about your daughter's movements, the better. It's for her safety, for one thing, and the safety of all the other military personnel around her. Surely they wouldn't want to post something that could bring harm to US military troops overseas?