To get back to the letter in Dear Abby, there was something about the LW that I found a little off. To begin with, her BF hates to dance, so how did this even come up in the conversation? At the most, I might say, "I know you hate dancing, so what if they expect you to participate in at least one dance?"
Then, his initial reaction is to accuse her of being too controlling? If they have a good relationship, where did that come from? My gut feeling is that she IS too controlling and he is starting to chafe at it.
Then the whole thing about surveying friends and trying to use that to persuade him would drive me up the wall. A long ago BF of mine would do something similar: all of his friends thought he was right and I was wrong, and I should do things his way. After a while, my response was, Fine, start dating them.