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Blind Encouragement/Affirmation: rude or not?

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Adelaide:
I'm about to go into a law school competition where the preliminary round culls out 90% of the participants. All of the people participating are very talented and there are GPA requirements to be able to compete at all. Last night I was talking to my family and I off-handedly mentioned it, saying that I was just doing it for the practice of it all, not to actually advance. My father said "No, you're going to do great. You're going to advance and you have a great shot of winning." He has made statements like these many times in the past. Problem is, a) he has no idea what the competition is or is about (nor would anyone outside of a law profession) and b) he has no idea of the requirements to even enter.

So his affirmations/praise seem hollow, empty, and patronizing to me. I don't appreciate blind, ignorant statements of faith in my abilities, and I told him as much, and said that I wish he'd give more credit to the other people competing because this is a talented, special pool of of my colleagues. Statements like hope you do well/take a deep breath I can handle, but as I'm getting older I'm starting to get sick of "I just know you'll win!" phrases coming from friends and family members. Am I alone in this, or is this one of those things I should just accept without comment?

Yvaine:
He probably really believes that. I doubt he's trying to be patronizing--he loves you and believes in you. I think most (non-dysfunctional) parents have a really high opinion of their kids' abilities. :)

LeveeWoman:
I don't see how it's rude to encourage your children no matter if you're familiar with the competition or not.

Adelaide:

--- Quote from: Yvaine on February 15, 2013, 12:58:24 PM ---He probably really believes that. I doubt he's trying to be patronizing--he loves you and believes in you. I think most (non-dysfunctional) parents have a really high opinion of their kids' abilities. :)

--- End quote ---

I'm not questioning his intent, but he's doing a poor job of expressing it if by "I'm 100% sure you'll win" he actually means "I hope you do well". And he won't listen to me when I say things like "My colleagues, talented, etc.". I suppose that it makes everyone else seem inferior, somehow, every time he says things like that. And so if I'm constantly doing things where he "knows" I'll win because I'm "the best" then apparently all I've been doing all these years is competing against a bunch of mediocre people. And that doesn't say anything good about my aspirations.  It also doesn't say anything about the effort I put into things either, if he won't acknowledge that this is hard stuff I'm doing.


--- Quote from: LeveeWoman on February 15, 2013, 12:59:41 PM ---I don't see how it's rude to encourage your children no matter if you're familiar with the competition or not.

--- End quote ---

I suppose I phrased the title poorly. "I know you'll win" or "You have a 100% chance of beating everyone" isn't encouragement. Saying "I hope you do well" or "I bet you do great" or "Breathe and you'll be fine" is encouragement. I guess that what irritates me is that there is no acknowledgement or respect for what I'm up against. So it seems really insincere somehow.

Docslady21:

--- Quote from: Adelaide on February 15, 2013, 12:54:12 PM ---I'm about to go into a law school competition where the preliminary round culls out 90% of the participants. All of the people participating are very talented and there are GPA requirements to be able to compete at all. Last night I was talking to my family and I off-handedly mentioned it, saying that I was just doing it for the practice of it all, not to actually advance. My father said "No, you're going to do great. You're going to advance and you have a great shot of winning." He has made statements like these many times in the past. Problem is, a) he has no idea what the competition is or is about (nor would anyone outside of a law profession) and b) he has no idea of the requirements to even enter.

So his affirmations/praise seem hollow, empty, and patronizing to me. I don't appreciate blind, ignorant statements of faith in my abilities, and I told him as much, and said that I wish he'd give more credit to the other people competing because this is a talented, special pool of of my colleagues. Statements like hope you do well/take a deep breath I can handle, but as I'm getting older I'm starting to get sick of "I just know you'll win!" phrases coming from friends and family members. Am I alone in this, or is this one of those things I should just accept without comment?

--- End quote ---

I don't think it was very nice to take his encouragement and accuse him of being patronizing. He likely truly believes you are good enough. He's your dad. It's kind of his job to love and admire you. And people that say the same kinds of things probably feel the same way. I've never given a compliment or praise I didn't mean, and to have someone say I was being hollow, empty, or patronizing would really make me angry.

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