General Etiquette > Life...in general

Blind Encouragement/Affirmation: rude or not?

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LeveeWoman:

--- Quote from: Docslady21 on February 15, 2013, 01:06:27 PM ---
--- Quote from: Adelaide on February 15, 2013, 12:54:12 PM ---I'm about to go into a law school competition where the preliminary round culls out 90% of the participants. All of the people participating are very talented and there are GPA requirements to be able to compete at all. Last night I was talking to my family and I off-handedly mentioned it, saying that I was just doing it for the practice of it all, not to actually advance. My father said "No, you're going to do great. You're going to advance and you have a great shot of winning." He has made statements like these many times in the past. Problem is, a) he has no idea what the competition is or is about (nor would anyone outside of a law profession) and b) he has no idea of the requirements to even enter.

So his affirmations/praise seem hollow, empty, and patronizing to me. I don't appreciate blind, ignorant statements of faith in my abilities, and I told him as much, and said that I wish he'd give more credit to the other people competing because this is a talented, special pool of of my colleagues. Statements like hope you do well/take a deep breath I can handle, but as I'm getting older I'm starting to get sick of "I just know you'll win!" phrases coming from friends and family members. Am I alone in this, or is this one of those things I should just accept without comment?

--- End quote ---

I don't think it was very nice to take his encouragement and accuse him of being patronizing. He likely truly believes you are good enough. He's your dad. It's kind of his job to love and admire you. And people that say the same kinds of things probably feel the same way. I've never given a compliment or praise I didn't mean, and to have someone say I was being hollow, empty, or patronizing would really make me angry.

--- End quote ---

It would me, too.

Adelaide:

--- Quote from: Docslady21 on February 15, 2013, 01:06:27 PM ---
--- Quote from: Adelaide on February 15, 2013, 12:54:12 PM ---I'm about to go into a law school competition where the preliminary round culls out 90% of the participants. All of the people participating are very talented and there are GPA requirements to be able to compete at all. Last night I was talking to my family and I off-handedly mentioned it, saying that I was just doing it for the practice of it all, not to actually advance. My father said "No, you're going to do great. You're going to advance and you have a great shot of winning." He has made statements like these many times in the past. Problem is, a) he has no idea what the competition is or is about (nor would anyone outside of a law profession) and b) he has no idea of the requirements to even enter.

So his affirmations/praise seem hollow, empty, and patronizing to me. I don't appreciate blind, ignorant statements of faith in my abilities, and I told him as much, and said that I wish he'd give more credit to the other people competing because this is a talented, special pool of of my colleagues. Statements like hope you do well/take a deep breath I can handle, but as I'm getting older I'm starting to get sick of "I just know you'll win!" phrases coming from friends and family members. Am I alone in this, or is this one of those things I should just accept without comment?

--- End quote ---

I don't think it was very nice to take his encouragement and accuse him of being patronizing. He likely truly believes you are good enough. He's your dad. It's kind of his job to love and admire you. And people that say the same kinds of things probably feel the same way. I've never given a compliment or praise I didn't mean, and to have someone say I was being hollow, empty, or patronizing would really make me angry.

--- End quote ---

I'm sure it would make anyone angry, but I didn't tell him that he sounded hollow, empty, or patronizing, I outlined the specifics of the competition (dispelling any ingnorance) and just said that I wish he'd give a little more respect to my colleagues, because the competition is fierce and I'm proud of the talented group of people I'm going against. I then reiterated the idea that I am doing this mainly for practice and not because I want to advance.

citadelle:
I don't think he is discrediting or dismissing your colleagues. He does not know or likely care about them. He cares about and believes in you, and this translates to a belief that you will succeed.

Judah:
It almost seams as though you're looking for offense here. Your dad believes in you and is trying to encourage you and show he has faith in you.  It doesn't matter what the abilities of the other participants are, he's talking to you. I honestly don't understand how you can see this in a negative light.

pierrotlunaire0:
I think you need to consider how many people in this forum can never do enough or do right by their parents.  My father has blind faith in my abilities, and I look at it as affirmation of love.

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