Author Topic: s/o Crocodile Tears: The Constant Crier  (Read 3527 times)

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Cami

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Re: s/o Crocodile Tears: The Constant Crier
« Reply #15 on: February 18, 2013, 03:36:49 PM »
The first thing I think of, considering that she has grown kids - did this start at menopause, and is she likely to be through with it yet?  If it is the "change of life", is she more moody generally -irritable, etc? 
I know with my aunt and mom, they were more prone to depression even after menopause was over- my aunt's doctor told her it can sometimes alter your brain chemistry.

Depending on your relationship, you might or might not be able to bring this up.  Otherwise, if it doesn't bother her or anyone else, and she's not using it in any kind of manipulative way, it's not really fair for you to hold it against her.  I mean, it may annoy you but she has no obligation to shape her emotions to someone else's liking.

I would second these questions.

I have never been a crier.  My grown daughter, for example, has seen me cry once -- at my  mother's funeral. She will also tell you that I cried when I broke my toe, but in reality I had tears in my eyes only. She was so utterly shocked to see me with tears in my eyes that she brings it up 15 years latera.  But the point is, I am not a crier. Nonetheless, when I had gone through menopause, I found that my emotions were much closer to the surface and while I was able to control anger/frustration, I would now get teary over sad movies, etc. It was so bizarre to me (and my family) that all of a sudden, I had these outward displays of emotion. My dd even blurted out once, "Are you OKAY? What's happened to you?"

I asked my doctor about it. She said that in my case, my "new" outward emotionality was so minor and not affecting my life in any way, therefore it was best to just deal with it and tell my family to get over it. She did say that if I started to cry all the time, to come back and she could prescribe a medication. (Not to get medical, but if it were hormone treatments, I'd decline.)

So I might gently ask her if she's happy with her crying. If she says she's fine, I'd back off. If she expresses frustration, I'd encourage her to talk to her doctor about it.  I really don't think it's inappropriate for loving family members to have these sorts conversations.

RebeccainGA

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Re: s/o Crocodile Tears: The Constant Crier
« Reply #16 on: February 18, 2013, 03:40:43 PM »
Since DP got sick, I've become a crier. I used to never cry, and now I can start crying at nearly anything. I've learned to cry silently - did it when DP was in the hospital, because I didn't want to disturb anyone and if she wasn't aware of it, it didn't upset her. I too find that having it pointed out to me makes it worse - if no one mentions it, it passes in a minute or two. If it's pointed out and discussed, it often turns into sobs.

Mention, once, that you are concerned - and then just ignore the crying. She might have something going on, but she might just be prone to it.

Tea Drinker

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Re: s/o Crocodile Tears: The Constant Crier
« Reply #17 on: February 18, 2013, 06:23:38 PM »
I get teary easily.

It's not usually about nothing at all, but it can be about very minor things. I know they're minor: I can tell the difference between a small pain and a large one, or varying levels of disappointment or unhappiness. But seeing the difference doesn't enable me to not cry; it just enables me to (sometimes) blink back the tears, or tell someone "it's no big deal," and continue the conversation, if they're willing.

The people I'm close to know this, and are usually willing and able to follow my lead and not have the tears derail the conversation. (Yes, sometimes I am very upset and need to be comforted and/or to change the subject my family and friends, and I, can tell the difference.)

From that angle, I would advise doing your best to follow your MIL's lead. Depending on how close you are, you might say something like "I've noticed that you seem to cry more easily than I do, and don't treat it like a big deal. Am I right that it's not a big deal for you?" That could be an opening for her to talk about it (whether she's like me, or has become seriously depressed, or something else), but she could also say "that's right" or "I'd rather not talk about myself" and bean-dip.
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Texas Mom

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Re: s/o Crocodile Tears: The Constant Crier
« Reply #18 on: February 18, 2013, 06:35:39 PM »
OP, I realize that it gets on your nerves, but I advise you not to say anything.

I went through an uncontrollable crying phase - it lasted for years, was menopause related and humiliating to the point that I avoided social contact.

The medical "professionals" said it would pass, but it didn't.  I got tired of being treated like a hypochondriac.

I finally got assigned to a doctor who had a mother the same age as I was, and knew what to do.