Author Topic: My daughter's houseguest is rude !  (Read 8408 times)

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*inviteseller

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My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« on: February 15, 2013, 07:39:38 PM »
O.K., maybe I am just being touchy because of being tired, but tell me what you think.  My 17 yr old DD has her 18 yr old friend staying for the night.  I was making mini tacos for us all (them, my younger DD, and myself).  Suddenly, there is a knock on my door.  It is Mr. Pizza delivery man..I told him "i'm sorry, you have the wrong house" as my DD and friend come racing down from her bedroom.  Turns out, friend ordered takeout for my DD and herself, which she paid for then, without a word, they proceeded up to my DD's room with their food!  :o >:( How do I get it across to them both, with out absolutely losing my mind, just how incredibly rude this is ?  If it matters, my DD and I have been seriously butting heads because she wants to move in with this friend and I want this friendship to die!die!die!.
At least my 6 yr old DD has listened to my lessons about proper behavior !  When they scampered up the steps, she looks at me and said "well, that was rude!"  ;D

Piratelvr1121

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2013, 07:43:03 PM »
Sounds like your DD was just as rude as her friend, honestly, if she had no problem with her friend ordering pizza when she knew you were making something for them both.  And on top of that running down the stairs, not even saying a word to you and running back up.

If you want the friendship to die, die, die, may I suggest putting a stop to the sleepovers?
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Surianne

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2013, 07:45:08 PM »
Hmmm...which part of this is upsetting you?  That you were spending time on the meal without knowing they ordered pizza?  If that's it, I'd wait until you calm down a bit -- a few days, maybe -- and then tell your daughter to let you know next time in advance that they've made other plans for dinner.

AustenFan

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2013, 07:49:56 PM »
Ordering pizza and following it up with an ice cream run sounds like 90% off the sleep-overs I had as a teen.

I'd guess your daughters friend can sense your animosity (which is fairly rude since she's a guest in your home) and is trying not to engage you.

*inviteseller

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2013, 07:54:45 PM »
Ty for the quick replies !  I am deep breathing and not saying a word.  As for the sleepover..there is a small (long) back story I didn't want to type out, but I can't stop the friendship without strengthening it and if this young lady is here, I can monitor a bit better.  Friend actually shares an apt with another kid and, although there is no drugs/alcohol involved, there have been issues when my daughter was there for a visit that made me uncomfortable.  Fortunately, this girl lives a little over an hour away and neither drive so they are not together constantly (ty Virgin mobile for unlimited texting!)  And yes, my daughter was rude but this girl did the ordering and paying so I am leaning towards her being the one I am sending to EHell first, but I am loading my DD into her basket too!

MrTango

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2013, 08:02:27 PM »
Please forgive me, but I don't see how what they did was rude.

If it were my house, I would have an issue with bringing the food into the bedroom, but having a 17/18 y/o ordering a pizza for a sleepover wouldn't bother me at all unless they expected me to pay for it.

Edited to ask: Did they know you were making tacos?
« Last Edit: February 15, 2013, 08:04:22 PM by MrTango »

*inviteseller

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2013, 08:02:40 PM »
I have been very nice and open to this girl, but yes, I will say that they are both aware now that I am pissed :P  I have been welcomed this girl into my home, talked to her nicely...heck, she even friended me on Facebook.  But if I should just let this pass, I will and continue to be nice til this eventually (I hope) fizzles due to distance and time constraints.  Oh, and if it matters, this girl is also on the outs with her mom and won't speak to her because her mom has tried to stop the friendship, so I am considered the 'nice' parent  LOL

Sharnita

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2013, 08:03:56 PM »
The fact that she paid lessens the rudeness a bit for me.  She didn't put any of the burden on you or your DD.

*inviteseller

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2013, 08:14:40 PM »
Ty all.  I will just let this roll off and talk with my daughter calmly after her friend leaves tomorrow.  Now to go eat a crap load of mini tacos ::)

cross_patch

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2013, 08:15:38 PM »
I'm sorry, I can't really see this as rude. Perhaps if you can let us know whether they were aware that you were making dinner hat would be clearer, but this is no different to the hundreds of sleepovers I attended as a teenager.

gramma dishes

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2013, 08:19:29 PM »
...    Oh, and if it matters, this girl is also on the outs with her mom and won't speak to her because her mom has tried to stop the friendship   ...

Hmm.  That's interesting.  What reason did the other mother have for wanting her daughter to discontinue this friendship?

Surianne

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2013, 08:24:38 PM »
Yeah, I'm not seeing the rudeness either, unless it's that they didn't tell you and let you keep working on supper when you didn't need to.

Otherwise, I think your dislike for the other girl is really colouring the situation here, and since we don't know the backstory on that, it's hard to understand what's going on.

*inviteseller

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2013, 08:24:59 PM »
Yes, they knew because I said it was Taco night.  And in the gajillion sleepovers I had as a kid, nobody just ordered food.  The parents would always provide a meals/snacks and no one thought to just order food.  I guess what gets me mad is at dinner time, food is being delivered to my house in front of other family members (including the one - me - who invited the guest) and nothing was even offered.  What if I had ordered takeout for younger DD and myself and did not offer any?  BTW, I don't like what they ordered, I think it was the principle of well, thanks for your hospitality, but I am just gonna get my own food and eat it.  Again, though, I will just casually talk with DD about it in a few days and explain why I found it rude to see what she says, because for all I know, she was embarrassed by it too, but we are still working on her spine.  I have not absolved her or condemned her yet because I have no idea what went into this idea.

Sharnita

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #13 on: February 15, 2013, 08:26:48 PM »
Yes, they knew because I said it was Taco night.  And in the gajillion sleepovers I had as a kid, nobody just ordered food.  The parents would always provide a meals/snacks and no one thought to just order food.  I guess what gets me mad is at dinner time, food is being delivered to my house in front of other family members (including the one - me - who invited the guest) and nothing was even offered.  What if I had ordered takeout for younger DD and myself and did not offer any?  BTW, I don't like what they ordered, I think it was the principle of well, thanks for your hospitality, but I am just gonna get my own food and eat it.  Again, though, I will just casually talk with DD about it in a few days and explain why I found it rude to see what she says, because for all I know, she was embarrassed by it too, but we are still working on her spine. I have not absolved her or condemned her yet because I have no idea what went into this idea.

Then it is probably best not to codemn anybody.

*inviteseller

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Re: My daughter's houseguest is rude !
« Reply #14 on: February 15, 2013, 08:36:14 PM »
Condensed BG - My daughter is Bi polar, has spent the better part of the last 2 years in/out of facilities and she has made great progress, but this girl, while a seemingly nice girl, is exerting a bit too much influence over my daughter.  My DD was doing her therapies, getting ready to get her GED and looking into classes at the local community college...and while things were not perfect between us, were much better and getting better.  Enter this girl and of course she cried to her friends if we have words or she thinks I am being mean  ::), so this girl, who has issues within her family and another friend of hers starts on her about how they are gonna get an apt, they are gonna all have this great happy life.  Well a few weeks ago, the girl has a falling out with her mom, goes to live with other friend, and then convinces my DD to come up.  It was supposed to be a weekend (and no, I was told they were staying with the girls family) and it went longer and my DD wasn't taking her meds and neither was other housemate and there was an incident and well, she is back home but she is angry because the girl keeps saying "i wish you were still up here, we were sooooo happy".   I would like to tell this girl to get lost, but the professional advice has been "be nice, let her stay here instead, and just keep DD steady"