My daughter's houseguest is rude !

[*inviteseller]

Yes, they knew because I said it was Taco night.  And in the gajillion sleepovers I had as a kid, nobody just ordered food.  The parents would always provide a meals/snacks and no one thought to just order food.  I guess what gets me mad is at dinner time, food is being delivered to my house in front of other family members (including the one - me - who invited the guest) and nothing was even offered.  What if I had ordered takeout for younger DD and myself and did not offer any?  BTW, I don't like what they ordered, I think it was the principle of well, thanks for your hospitality, but I am just gonna get my own food and eat it.  Again, though, I will just casually talk with DD about it in a few days and explain why I found it rude to see what she says, because for all I know, she was embarrassed by it too, but we are still working on her spine. I have not absolved her or condemned her yet because I have no idea what went into this idea.

Then it is probably best not to codemn anybody.

When they came down the steps, girls says "i ordered it'

[miranova]

I definitely think it is rude for a house guest to order food without even speaking to the host.  A simple "would you mind if we ordered pizza?  I will pay of course" would have gone a LONG way.  I think it's double rude that she didn't offer you or your other DD any.  Sorry but you don't order food for half the house and not the rest, especially when you are a GUEST and enjoying the hospitality of the home.  Triple rude that she knew you were making dinner for her and just let you continue working on dinner!  The girls ages mitigate it slightly, but not much.  I vote very rude.  I am kind of shocked that people think this is normal.  I have entertained guests many times and have never had any of them order food while I was in the middle of making them dinner.  I really can't imagine that being anything other than very rude.

[cross_patch]

But a teenage sleepover is totally different to a dinner party, or having adult guests staying over. It just seems like a pretty small thing to get worked up over. Also, from the op's posts it's not really clear whether it was the daughter or the friend that instigated it- just saying she ordered and paid for it doesn't mean it was her idea. Yeah. They should have said would you like some, and let the op know they were ordering it but it seems pretty clear that the dislike of the friend is colouring the op's reaction a bit.

[Iris]

I definitely think it is rude for a house guest to order food without even speaking to the host.  A simple "would you mind if we ordered pizza?  I will pay of course" would have gone a LONG way.  I think it's double rude that she didn't offer you or your other DD any.  Sorry but you don't order food for half the house and not the rest, especially when you are a GUEST and enjoying the hospitality of the home.  Triple rude that she knew you were making dinner for her and just let you continue working on dinner!  The girls ages mitigate it slightly, but not much.  I vote very rude.  I am kind of shocked that people think this is normal.  I have entertained guests many times and have never had any of them order food while I was in the middle of making them dinner.  I really can't imagine that being anything other than very rude.

This. Sure, my friends and I got pizza on sleepovers loads, but I had at least discussed it with my mother beforehand, if only as a "Yeah, we'll probably get pizza, so don't worry about dinner for us" sort of way. Any of my friends would also have said "Hey, Mrs Irismum, I'm ordering pizza now, did you want me to pick up anything for you?" She always said no, but that's not the point.

So I agree that this is rude. However, given the state of things I would wait until you are cooled down and then address it with DD as an FYI rather than chastising her.

[citadelle]

I definitely think it is rude for a house guest to order food without even speaking to the host.  A simple "would you mind if we ordered pizza?  I will pay of course" would have gone a LONG way.  I think it's double rude that she didn't offer you or your other DD any.  Sorry but you don't order food for half the house and not the rest, especially when you are a GUEST and enjoying the hospitality of the home.  Triple rude that she knew you were making dinner for her and just let you continue working on dinner!  The girls ages mitigate it slightly, but not much.  I vote very rude.  I am kind of shocked that people think this is normal.  I have entertained guests many times and have never had any of them order food while I was in the middle of making them dinner.  I really can't imagine that being anything other than very rude.

I am guessing the friend considers herself a guest of the daughter, not the OP. the distinction may not matter, but it probably matters to the girls.

[kudeebee]

I definitely think it is rude for a house guest to order food without even speaking to the host.  A simple "would you mind if we ordered pizza?  I will pay of course" would have gone a LONG way.  I think it's double rude that she didn't offer you or your other DD any.  Sorry but you don't order food for half the house and not the rest, especially when you are a GUEST and enjoying the hospitality of the home.  Triple rude that she knew you were making dinner for her and just let you continue working on dinner!  The girls ages mitigate it slightly, but not much.  I vote very rude.  I am kind of shocked that people think this is normal.  I have entertained guests many times and have never had any of them order food while I was in the middle of making them dinner.  I really can't imagine that being anything other than very rude.

I agree. Guests should not order dinner at the hosts house without clearing it with the host first even if they are teens having a sleepover.  They knew you were making dinner.  When you announced you were making tacos, that is when your daughter should have asked if you woukd mind if she and friend ordered pizza.

[delabela]

I think there is a lot of complicated backstory here that is understandably having an effect on the reaction.  I have a hard time seeing this as a serious transgression on the part of the visitor - maybe that's because I don't think the OP was the host, but rather her daughter was.  The girl could have ordered the pizza, but for all we know, they both had a prior conversation wherein they decided to do their own thing for dinner.  For a teenage sleepover, that seems perfectly reasonable.  Your daughter should have told you they wouldn't be joining you for dinner so you didn't go through the effort on their behalf.

For what it's worth, in my family, it would have been assumed we were doing our own thing unless we specifically asked to be included in dinner. 

[Piratelvr1121]

When I was a teen, even if it was my friend who invited me over for the sleepover I still saw their parents as the hosts because they own the house/pay the rent, and were the adults who had okay'd the sleep over in the first place.   

Course usually when I'd stay with a friend the parents had usually planned out what was for dinner before I came over, as the OP did, I'd be told "hey we're having this for dinner" and I wouldn't argue cause again, they were gracious enough to allow the sleepover so they deserved some respect.

[ladiedeathe]

For me, this sounds like a tempest in a teapot.

Did you actually ask the 18 year old to dinner- as in say to her "I'm making tacos, and I'd like to have you eat with us- how many would you like?" and then she up and ordered pizza, or did you just say to your DD "Hey it's taco night," and expect her to know that her friend was welcome? My answer really depends on this.

[Mental Magpie]

I definitely think it is rude for a house guest to order food without even speaking to the host.  A simple "would you mind if we ordered pizza?  I will pay of course" would have gone a LONG way.  I think it's double rude that she didn't offer you or your other DD any.  Sorry but you don't order food for half the house and not the rest, especially when you are a GUEST and enjoying the hospitality of the home.  Triple rude that she knew you were making dinner for her and just let you continue working on dinner!  The girls ages mitigate it slightly, but not much.  I vote very rude.  I am kind of shocked that people think this is normal.  I have entertained guests many times and have never had any of them order food while I was in the middle of making them dinner.  I really can't imagine that being anything other than very rude.

This. Sure, my friends and I got pizza on sleepovers loads, but I had at least discussed it with my mother beforehand, if only as a "Yeah, we'll probably get pizza, so don't worry about dinner for us" sort of way. Any of my friends would also have said "Hey, Mrs Irismum, I'm ordering pizza now, did you want me to pick up anything for you?" She always said no, but that's not the point.

So I agree that this is rude. However, given the state of things I would wait until you are cooled down and then address it with DD as an FYI rather than chastising her.

Both of these, and as the OP's daughter is living with her mother and is 17, she is not the host.  This is the OP's house, thus her house, her rules.  This is not a gracious house guest; this is an SS flippantly doing what she wants in someone else's home.  I'd be just as angry as the OP.

[Piratelvr1121]

I definitely think it is rude for a house guest to order food without even speaking to the host.  A simple "would you mind if we ordered pizza?  I will pay of course" would have gone a LONG way.  I think it's double rude that she didn't offer you or your other DD any.  Sorry but you don't order food for half the house and not the rest, especially when you are a GUEST and enjoying the hospitality of the home.  Triple rude that she knew you were making dinner for her and just let you continue working on dinner!  The girls ages mitigate it slightly, but not much.  I vote very rude.  I am kind of shocked that people think this is normal.  I have entertained guests many times and have never had any of them order food while I was in the middle of making them dinner.  I really can't imagine that being anything other than very rude.

This. Sure, my friends and I got pizza on sleepovers loads, but I had at least discussed it with my mother beforehand, if only as a "Yeah, we'll probably get pizza, so don't worry about dinner for us" sort of way. Any of my friends would also have said "Hey, Mrs Irismum, I'm ordering pizza now, did you want me to pick up anything for you?" She always said no, but that's not the point.

So I agree that this is rude. However, given the state of things I would wait until you are cooled down and then address it with DD as an FYI rather than chastising her.

Both of these, and as the OP's daughter is living with her mother and is 17, she is not the host.  This is the OP's house, thus her house, her rules.  This is not a gracious house guest; this is an SS flippantly doing what she wants in someone else's home.  I'd be just as angry as the OP.

Pod.

[Emmy]

It is not clear if the guest simply knew it was 'taco night' for the family or if she knew she was invited to eat tacos with the family.  If you mentioned to the guest that you would be serving dinner and she just ordered a pizza without telling you, took it from the delivery person, and wordlessly ran up to the room and closed the door, I don't blame you for feeling put out.  If this were an adult (well 18 is technically an adult), this would be unacceptable behavior and just because they are teens doesn't make it acceptable.  I was also surprised at how many commenters didn't think this was the least bit rude.  Although I don't remember getting pizza at sleepovers (we ate the dinner the parents served), I don't think it is uncommon or an etiquette violation to order pizza.  The violation came in when the teens did not inform OP of their plan and basically grabbed the pizza and ran to their room without saying a word.  At sleepovers, I wasn't expected to hang out with my friend's parents, but I was expected to be polite which this guest failed to do.

I think your daughter has some fault here too.  Unless the guest just whipped out her phone and called for the pizza without telling your DD, your DD should have mentioned to guest that you were making tacos for them.  If friend still wanted pizza, your DD should have mentioned it to you as a courtesy.  I would give the guest a pass for not offering pizza to everybody if she had informed you that she was getting it first.  While it is polite to offer, most teenagers don't have a lot of money and I certainly wouldn't expect them to make an offer to share food they intended only for themselves.

[Sharnita]

I don't get why you would wait to find out more before judging your FD but you havr no interest in finding out more before condemning the friend. So she ordered it - what did your dd say? Why did she order it?

[oceanus]

Since they knew you were making tacos, and they didn't tell you about ording the pizza, I vote rude and sneaky.

The message was "Okay, we're at your house, but we don't want to deal with you and the money didn't come out of your pocket."

It would definitely tick me off.

OP, did you say "Pizza?  Why didn't you tell me?"

and at younger daughter.

[Erich L-ster]

I think teens ordering pizza is something completely in the realm of ordinary and yes, they should have run it by you but I would put it down to teenage ignorance of etiquette.

In a year or less your DD will be free to live wherever she wants (as long as she can pay her own way) so I'd be careful not to push her away. They may have their own falling out before then anyway, completely unaided by you.