I think that , as others have said, you are willing to dump all of the rudeness (or what you consider rudeness) on your daughter's friend and are unwilling to assign any to your daughter....particularly that pertaining to dinner.
If you display the derision to the friend that you do here, then the friend may not have felt welcome at your dinner table, despite your words.
Honestly, everything else is not relevant, you don't like this girl and consider her actions rude. I don't have teenagers, but imagine what was done is considered the norm for someone their age. Rude? Possibly. Hard to know because her actions may have been in response to your attitude.
She lives a little over an hour away so a cab would be very pricey. And, I have been lurking awhile, and isn't retaliatory rudeness unacceptable? And again, I have never said a cross word to this girl or disparaged her in anyway, but if she feels that I don't care for her, she might want to look at her actions to figure out why I might not be feeling the love. But obviously from the large consensus, I will let my DD take the fall for this and I will just sit back and wait til this girl leaves my house. I still haven't figured out my rudeness as, since about 15 minutes after the girl got here in which we had a nice conversation , she hasn't spoken 2 words to me. I also do not believe I have shown any derision to this girl, but I am questioning her etiquette, but again, the majority rules that I am in the wrong to assign the blame on the guest, so I will adjust my way of thinking and just wait out till she leaves tomorrow. I am mad about cancelling plans but I have not said a word, in fact DD I don't think at this point knows i did so, that will just be my knowledge.
Willy & Kiara..ty for your observations. Yes, my daughter is wrong for going along with unacceptable behavior. She has been taught better and her and I will discuss it, but this is not the time with friend in house. I have been trying to get DD to take responsibility for herself for a long time. There are good times...there are bad times...I can only continue to try to guide her when she is willing to listen. And my DD will face the music, as this girl will NOT be allowed back, but this whole thread has gone down a rabbit hole. I admitted my DD made bad choices from the word go, but the girl set up her transportation on her own (because right before she got here yesterday DD told me about movies before she would leave so she did not know) and as for the pizza it was an idea the girl came up with and my DD went with it blindly. Stupid? Yes? But the original question was really, was it rude for a guest who knew she would be provided with not only shelter but food for her stay order out for their own little party? Even if DD had come to me and said "hey, don't worry about dinner, we ordered out", is it not rude for if not the one ordering and paying but both telling the host before hand like when they were told what would be for dinner? And Kiara, I can question her therapist's professionalism all I want, but it is not their or my decision unless she is actively hurting herself again, because again, in my state, after the age of 14 a patient can accept or deny any or all mental health treatment. I have talked to dr's and therapist's till i am blue in the face but we cannot force her, all I can do is encourage it. It is something we live with everyday...it is an adventure I would not wish on anyone, and I am always heartened to hear other posters who have battled mental health issues and came out so successful. I am going to step away from the thread now because, I admit, it is getting hard being bashed for what is considered maybe bad parenting on my end..I do try on a day to day basis to get it right and I beat myself up enough, but by posting, I (rightfully) opened myself up to the opinions ty again...you have all given me some insights.