Author Topic: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.  (Read 8979 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

LeveeWoman

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4187
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #15 on: February 17, 2013, 05:45:17 PM »
On the contrary, I think it's good that you stopped where you did. As others have pointed out, it's best not to engage the crazy.

I'm trying to see this from the other person's side, because the reaction seems so strange. My guess is that your mother's shocked expression looked like disgust to this guy's companion. Nobody wants someone telling their friend that they are disgusting, and it's reasonable that she would feel offended on his behalf. Could she see that his butt was exposed? If not, then perhaps she thought your reactions were due to something else (was the guy overweight, for example) that should not normally illicit such a reaction. It is clearly not okay to berate someone, especially not a customer and especially not with obscenities, but if the problematic exposure wasn't evident to her, I can see why she would want to stand up for him.

1.) The wording did seem like you were assuming that not only was he aware of the problem, but also that he was doing it on purpose, with the intent of exposing himself. That wouldn't make me too happy, either. I've walked out of the bathroom with my skirt unwittingly tucked into the back of my hose before, and if someone said something similar to what you had said, I'd be rather put out. A wardrobe malfunction is embarrassing. Having someone imply you were deliberately exposing yourself is insulting.

2.) As for contacting management, I think it would have been acceptable depending on how you did it. I think it would have been inappropriate to imply that this guy was doing it on purpose, but letting someone know that the guy stocking the shelves needed a better belt would have been fine. You absolutely would have been within your rights to complain about the woman who called you names, though.

3.) Finally, I don't think the two are mutually exclusive. It's possible to redirect DD's attention without embarrassing the couple. I think you did fine by pointing out the chips on the shelf. That was, I think, a perfect solution. If there really is no choice, I think you should choose your daughter, but when that isn't possible, you'll get an opportunity to teach your child how to behave appropriately in that sort of situation. I clearly remember being with my mom when we happened upon a man urinating on a Dumpster in a parking lot. She took the opportunity to teach me that the appropriate response was to stare straight ahead and walk on by.

Weeblewobble said nothing preceeding that woman's vulgar outburst. The woman might have seen her mom's expression or her turning her daughter's head, but I think neither one of those actions was of sufficient provocation to warrant her spewing obscenities.

Marbles

  • I'm lost
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1811
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #16 on: February 17, 2013, 05:56:46 PM »
OP, were these people other customers or were they store employees? Or was the fellow an employee and the woman a customer?

If the fellow was an employee, then speaking to a manager about him staying appropriately covered while doing his job would be a good thing to do.

Otherwise, I think you engaged the crazy. Did the fellow say anything when you mentioned his uncovered posterior?

weeblewobble

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3341
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #17 on: February 17, 2013, 06:34:42 PM »
Everybody involved was a customer.  And the guy ignored us all and continued dropping cases of soda in their cart.

SpikeMichigan

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 64
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #18 on: February 17, 2013, 07:24:33 PM »

 You were probably OK.

 I think its a fairy big assumption that he was doing this on purpose, and she might have been embarrassed on his behalf and just acted rudely.

 

Sharnita

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 21524
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #19 on: February 17, 2013, 07:31:35 PM »
Yeah, i wouldn't assume he was doing it on purpose.  i guess I would figure he was having a wardrobe malfunction that couldn't be helped as long as he was dealing with the soda.  I'd give him a pass and just see it as an unfortunate circumstance.  Redirecting DD would be the correct way to handle that.  His SO was rude in her response, although when she went off I would just walk away without engaging.

fluffy

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 609
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #20 on: February 17, 2013, 07:58:04 PM »
I think that redirecting your daughter was fine. But, it probably would have been a kindness for you or your mom to tap the man on the shoulder and say, "excuse me sir, but you might want to hitch up your pants."

If I was out and about with my husband or another male relative or friend and I noticed that their pants were slipping down, I would tell them to pull them up. But if some random person made a disgusted face about them? I'd probably get pretty angry on their behalf. I wouldn't yell or swear, but I might send them an icy glare of my own.

Your mom might want to work on containing her look of horror. Wardrobe malfunctions happen.

Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13972
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #21 on: February 17, 2013, 08:52:32 PM »
I can see having his pants fall down while picking up the first case.  But to not pull up his pants and continue to get several cases?  Not cool.  You do not expose your bare butt in public and do nothing about it.

OP, I don't think you did anything wrong.  I don't even have a problem with your comment after rude lady cursed at you.  I think your mother could have done a better job at schooling her expression, though.  I wouldn't have said anything to the man, with the woman standing there.  Surely, she could see the wardrobe malfunction, if he couldn't feel it.  Saying something to him would have set her off, too.  Although he might have done something about it.

I don't know about specifically asking for a manager but I think I would have informed the first employee I found, both about the bare butt and about being cursed out.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

HonorH

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2977
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #22 on: February 17, 2013, 08:57:03 PM »
I think that redirecting your daughter was fine. But, it probably would have been a kindness for you or your mom to tap the man on the shoulder and say, "excuse me sir, but you might want to hitch up your pants."

If I was out and about with my husband or another male relative or friend and I noticed that their pants were slipping down, I would tell them to pull them up. But if some random person made a disgusted face about them? I'd probably get pretty angry on their behalf. I wouldn't yell or swear, but I might send them an icy glare of my own.

Your mom might want to work on containing her look of horror. Wardrobe malfunctions happen.

Huh. I would honestly have the opposite reaction. If my SO were hanging out of his jeans and I didn't realize it until an older woman turned pink and a mom hurriedly redirected her daughter's attention, my last inclination would be to get angry at them. I'd be falling all over myself to get my man decent again while leaping to shield him from other innocent eyes. I'd probably give them a quick look of chagrin and apology and dearly hope no one else saw.
William wondered why he always disliked people who said "no offense meant." Maybe it was because they found it easier to say "no offense meant" than actually to refrain from giving offense.

--Terry Pratchett, The Truth

sweetonsno

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1402
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #23 on: February 17, 2013, 09:25:57 PM »
<snip>

Weeblewobble said nothing preceeding that woman's vulgar outburst. The woman might have seen her mom's expression or her turning her daughter's head, but I think neither one of those actions was of sufficient provocation to warrant her spewing obscenities.

I agree, but I think that Weeblewobble's comment seemed to target the man, not the woman. He may or may not have been doing it on purpose. I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt, and he was not given it. There's no question that the woman was in the wrong. Sorry I was unclear on that point.

delabela

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 589
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #24 on: February 17, 2013, 10:08:01 PM »
OP, I think you were fine. 

It doesn't really matter if he was doing it on purpose - I would say a very basic requirement of adequate civility is doing your best to avoid exposing your rear end.  Now, if there is a wardrobe malfunction or temporary issue, that is certainly understandable - lord knows I've had a zipper problem or discovered too late a certain top doesn't really work for me.  But I've excused myself and fixed the issue, rather than attacking someone who is merely trying to maintain some decorum. 

CrochetFanatic

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 875
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #25 on: February 17, 2013, 10:29:42 PM »
I don't know...If I was the woman, and happened to notice the person I was with was (I'm going to assume unintentionally) showing his (or her, for that matter) backside, and someone else was visibly offended, I would be giving my friend a discreet heads-up that their pants are falling down.

Whether it's advisable or not, it's tempting to answer back with something when someone curses you out.  Weeblewobble might have slipped a tiny bit here, but not as much as the guy's pants!  ;D  The cursing woman was rude, and should have (don't hurt me!) butted out.

Emmy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3802
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #26 on: February 17, 2013, 10:35:14 PM »
I also think it was odd that the woman started spouting obscenities simply because somebody turned a child's head in a different direction or gave a look of shock.  She was rude in any case.  My guess to her behavior is I wonder if she knew her companion's backside was exposed and was embarrassed for her which caused her to over react at when other noticed and were uncomfortable.  If she didn't know her companion's backside was showing, she may not have noticed the looks at all.  Even if your mother's look came across as disgust, she should realize that it is shocking and uncomfortable for people to see a man's rear end exposed in public, although I can see her feeling a little defensive on his behalf.  Her rude comment was uncalled for.

<snip>

Weeblewobble said nothing preceeding that woman's vulgar outburst. The woman might have seen her mom's expression or her turning her daughter's head, but I think neither one of those actions was of sufficient provocation to warrant her spewing obscenities.

I agree, but I think that Weeblewobble's comment seemed to target the man, not the woman. He may or may not have been doing it on purpose. I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt, and he was not given it. There's no question that the woman was in the wrong. Sorry I was unclear on that point.

I feel the same way.  Being accused of purposely exposing yourself if it was an honest mistake would be quite offensive.  I don't assume most people would do this on purpose, although I think sometimes people know this is happening and just don't care.

weeblewobble

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3341
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #27 on: February 17, 2013, 11:28:55 PM »
Yeah- I definitely engaged the crazy. Without even realizing I fell into that "trap." It's a bad habit of mine. I will work to do better next time. ... I sincerely hope there isn't a next time with this couple...

EllenS

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1368
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #28 on: February 17, 2013, 11:40:24 PM »
Um...sounds to me like they were both chemically impaired.   Various sorts of "recreational" substances make people less aware of their states of undress, and more belligerent.

JoieGirl7

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7374
Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #29 on: February 18, 2013, 01:40:48 AM »
<snip>

Weeblewobble said nothing preceeding that woman's vulgar outburst. The woman might have seen her mom's expression or her turning her daughter's head, but I think neither one of those actions was of sufficient provocation to warrant her spewing obscenities.

I agree, but I think that Weeblewobble's comment seemed to target the man, not the woman. He may or may not have been doing it on purpose. I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt, and he was not given it. There's no question that the woman was in the wrong. Sorry I was unclear on that point.

I don't think someone needs to give someone else the benefit of the doubt when it comes to actually wearing clothing in public.

If he can't keep his pants on, that's his problem.  If the two of them cannot deal with the subsequent shock that him not being properly clothed in public brings, that is also their problem.

Frankly, I doubt that it is possible to embarrass people who can't keep their clothes on in a public place.

It is absolutely a natural reaction to be shocked by what the OP and her mother saw.  If they don't want the attention then maybe he should invest in a belt or in a smaller pair of pants.
 
The couple was rude--her for what she said, and him for being inappropriately dressed.