Author Topic: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.  (Read 8888 times)

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cicero

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #30 on: February 18, 2013, 02:23:18 AM »
you were correct in redirecting your dd's head, but i wouldn't have responded to a random stranger who for no reason started to curse at me. I don't think it matters whether he did this on purpose or not, whether she was embarrassed and didn't know how to react, whether they were on drugs or whatever. he shouldn't have been exposed like that, you didn't want your dd to see, that was fine. but once she escalated things - the best thing to do would be to walk away and/or find a staff member who can help


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Zizi-K

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #31 on: February 18, 2013, 07:04:06 AM »
I'm curious about some of the advice to talk to a manager. Presumably, once the guy stood up the problem would be resolved. What would a manager or store employee do about it? It's not like in a restaurant where you can asked to move moved away from a loud table. There doesn't seem to be a remedy here that they could offer. I highly doubt they would race through the store, looking for the offenders.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #32 on: February 18, 2013, 07:25:10 AM »
I'm curious about some of the advice to talk to a manager. Presumably, once the guy stood up the problem would be resolved. What would a manager or store employee do about it? It's not like in a restaurant where you can asked to move moved away from a loud table. There doesn't seem to be a remedy here that they could offer. I highly doubt they would race through the store, looking for the offenders.

Why wouldn't the store management respond? This was a man who repeatedly exposed himself, and a woman who cursed at others, and called WeebleWobble several names, which I think likely were also vulgar. 

Yvaine

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #33 on: February 18, 2013, 07:45:26 AM »
Um...sounds to me like they were both chemically impaired.   Various sorts of "recreational" substances make people less aware of their states of undress, and more belligerent.

I don't think we need to go there. They could just be jerks.

Dalek

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #34 on: February 18, 2013, 09:16:12 AM »
If the couple are doing " serial mooning" as a prank, won't the woman's reaction have been laughter rather than anger?
I think the only way to handle this is to just avert your eyes and try to ignore. As for the lady swearing, that's really weird but then again people can be weird and there's no changing them.
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Zilla

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #35 on: February 18, 2013, 09:54:20 AM »
Um...sounds to me like they were both chemically impaired.   Various sorts of "recreational" substances make people less aware of their states of undress, and more belligerent.

I don't think we need to go there. They could just be jerks.
Yep and if that's the case, then everyone around here must be high as a  kite too.  Honestly, I think the OP's mother could have better control of her own face.  It must have been a pretty judgey look on her face for the lady to notice and comment on it. And while the child have been sheltered by adult stuff on tv/movies, I am sure the older lady has seen her share of butt cracks.  I think the OP was perfectly fine to redirect her daughter.  I personally wouldn't have said a word, like others said, don't engage the crazy!

AmethystAnne

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #36 on: February 18, 2013, 10:08:53 AM »
A full moon in the grocery aisle would be super-surprising. I would like  ???

weeblewobble

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #37 on: February 18, 2013, 10:46:49 AM »
To defend my mom, there was no disgust or judgement on her face.  There was no disdainful curl to her lip or anything.  Her eyes just went wide.  It lasted a second or two and then she recovered and walked away very quickly with us. 

Yvaine

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #38 on: February 18, 2013, 11:02:26 AM »
Is it possible that the woman hadn't seen the wardrobe malfunction yet herself, and thought your family was making shocked looks at some other (unusual enough that they might get rude/prejudiced remarks sometimes, but not indecent) aspect of their appearance?

Venus193

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #39 on: February 18, 2013, 11:02:56 AM »
In the last few weeks I've met several women (mostly over 50) who are sufficiently disgusted by this low pants thing among teens that they have gone on the offensive about this.  They look at them in the street as sternly as Prof McGonagal in Harry Potter and say things like "I don't want to see that" and "Do you think you'll get a job dressed like that?"  They've said that most of their targets are too shocked to reply.

This is probably a violation of E-Hell rules, but I understand their frustration with this stuff.  I've never done this and wouldn't dare (esp if I were alone).

perpetua

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #40 on: February 18, 2013, 11:13:37 AM »
Is it possible that the woman hadn't seen the wardrobe malfunction yet herself, and thought your family was making shocked looks at some other (unusual enough that they might get rude/prejudiced remarks sometimes, but not indecent) aspect of their appearance?

This would be my guess.

OP, if it had been your young daughter who'd 'gone wide eyed' I could have understood it because that's the reaction that a small child who had never encountered something like this might naturally have without any instruction to the contrary. But your mother as a grown up really should be able to have better control of her face. It's only a backside; it's not like she saw someone waving their genitals around in the soup aisle.

MrTango

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #41 on: February 18, 2013, 11:14:30 AM »
I'm curious about some of the advice to talk to a manager. Presumably, once the guy stood up the problem would be resolved. What would a manager or store employee do about it? It's not like in a restaurant where you can asked to move moved away from a loud table. There doesn't seem to be a remedy here that they could offer. I highly doubt they would race through the store, looking for the offenders.

They might do something, but in this situation, I wouldn't bother.

In the time it would take me to find a manager and make a complaint, I could have finished checking out, loaded my groceries in my car, and be on my way never to see or hear from the offending parties again.

weeblewobble

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #42 on: February 18, 2013, 11:23:16 AM »
Is it possible that the woman hadn't seen the wardrobe malfunction yet herself, and thought your family was making shocked looks at some other (unusual enough that they might get rude/prejudiced remarks sometimes, but not indecent) aspect of their appearance?

Nope.  Other than low pants, there was nothing remarkable about their appearance.

Zilla

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #43 on: February 18, 2013, 11:40:34 AM »
To defend my mom, there was no disgust or judgement on her face.  There was no disdainful curl to her lip or anything.  Her eyes just went wide.  It lasted a second or two and then she recovered and walked away very quickly with us.


An expression for a second wouldn't be noticed, but how do you know if you were redirecting your daughter's attention to the left if your mom didn't continue to do a look or a very distinct looking obviously to the left to avoid looking at the butt crack?  Obviously the lady noticed something was off to say something.  Now don't get me wrong, lady was all kinds of rude. 

TurtleDove

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #44 on: February 18, 2013, 11:45:39 AM »
I agree that your mother should exercise better control of her face.  My daughter is 4 but in my experience the more I try to redirect her from something I want to shield her from the more likely she is to actually notice that something.  If this were me, I would have completely ignored it.  There are plenty of things I don't want to see every day - things that either disgust or offend me.  Rather than tell people they disgust or offend me, I ignore whatever it is that bothers me and the problem is solved. 

That doesn't mean the woman wasn't very rude.  She was.  I just think an adult(your mom) should be capable of not showing obvious disdain in a situation such as what you described.