Author Topic: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.  (Read 8608 times)

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onyonryngs

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #45 on: February 18, 2013, 11:47:53 AM »
You engaged the crazy.  Totally your call, but to say something more would escalate the situation. Contacting management would, in my opinion be overkill.

Yup.  I know the crazy actually spoke up first, but I would've let it go & move on.  It's not like the guy was trying to flash the world and calling management would've been way over the top.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #46 on: February 18, 2013, 11:54:40 AM »
I agree that your mother should exercise better control of her face.  My daughter is 4 but in my experience the more I try to redirect her from something I want to shield her from the more likely she is to actually notice that something.  If this were me, I would have completely ignored it.  There are plenty of things I don't want to see every day - things that either disgust or offend me.  Rather than tell people they disgust or offend me, I ignore whatever it is that bothers me and the problem is solved. 

That doesn't mean the woman wasn't very rude.  She was.  I just think an adult(your mom) should be capable of not showing obvious disdain in a situation such as what you described.

There was no disdain showing on her mother's face, according to Weeble's post from 8:46 this morning.

And, while you might be able to redirect your daughter your way, perhaps Weeble's found it best to redirect her daughter her way.

TurtleDove

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #47 on: February 18, 2013, 11:56:18 AM »
I agree that your mother should exercise better control of her face.  My daughter is 4 but in my experience the more I try to redirect her from something I want to shield her from the more likely she is to actually notice that something.  If this were me, I would have completely ignored it.  There are plenty of things I don't want to see every day - things that either disgust or offend me.  Rather than tell people they disgust or offend me, I ignore whatever it is that bothers me and the problem is solved. 

That doesn't mean the woman wasn't very rude.  She was.  I just think an adult(your mom) should be capable of not showing obvious disdain in a situation such as what you described.

There was no disdain showing on her mother's face, according to Weeble's post from 8:46 this morning.

And, while you might be able to redirect your daughter your way, perhaps Weeble's found it best to redirect her daughter her way.

I am not certain what your second sentence is addressing since my post made it clear I was talking about how I would personally handle it.

weeblewobble

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #48 on: February 18, 2013, 12:01:03 PM »
To defend my mom, there was no disgust or judgement on her face.  There was no disdainful curl to her lip or anything.  Her eyes just went wide.  It lasted a second or two and then she recovered and walked away very quickly with us.


An expression for a second wouldn't be noticed, but how do you know if you were redirecting your daughter's attention to the left if your mom didn't continue to do a look or a very distinct looking obviously to the left to avoid looking at the butt crack? 

Good point.  I didn't think of that.


LeveeWoman

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #49 on: February 18, 2013, 12:18:24 PM »
I agree that your mother should exercise better control of her face.  My daughter is 4 but in my experience the more I try to redirect her from something I want to shield her from the more likely she is to actually notice that something.  If this were me, I would have completely ignored it.  There are plenty of things I don't want to see every day - things that either disgust or offend me.  Rather than tell people they disgust or offend me, I ignore whatever it is that bothers me and the problem is solved. 

That doesn't mean the woman wasn't very rude.  She was.  I just think an adult(your mom) should be capable of not showing obvious disdain in a situation such as what you described.

There was no disdain showing on her mother's face, according to Weeble's post from 8:46 this morning.

And, while you might be able to redirect your daughter your way, perhaps Weeble's found it best to redirect her daughter her way.

I am not certain what your second sentence is addressing since my post made it clear I was talking about how I would personally handle it.

I was pointing out  how Weeble handled redirecting her daughter. I detected an implicit criticism in what you posted, and I apologize if I was wrong to detect it.

Zilla

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #50 on: February 18, 2013, 12:29:29 PM »
I agree that your mother should exercise better control of her face.  My daughter is 4 but in my experience the more I try to redirect her from something I want to shield her from the more likely she is to actually notice that something.  If this were me, I would have completely ignored it.  There are plenty of things I don't want to see every day - things that either disgust or offend me.  Rather than tell people they disgust or offend me, I ignore whatever it is that bothers me and the problem is solved. 

That doesn't mean the woman wasn't very rude.  She was.  I just think an adult(your mom) should be capable of not showing obvious disdain in a situation such as what you described.

There was no disdain showing on her mother's face, according to Weeble's post from 8:46 this morning.

And, while you might be able to redirect your daughter your way, perhaps Weeble's found it best to redirect her daughter her way.

I am not certain what your second sentence is addressing since my post made it clear I was talking about how I would personally handle it.

I was pointing out  how Weeble handled redirecting her daughter. I detected an implicit criticism in what you posted, and I apologize if I was wrong to detect it.


I can see where Turtledove is coming from.  My daughters don't look at others and wouldn't have noticed the man.  They are usually too busy looking at what they can ask for on the shelves. :)  Especially in the chips aisle. lol So I too wouldn't have done anything to redirect and just ignore.


But the OP felt that she didn't want to take that chance and of course she was justifiable in her actions.  I didn't think there was any criticism.

BeagleMommy

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #51 on: February 18, 2013, 12:47:07 PM »
Weeble, I think you were fine.  Frankly, if this woman thinks that no wanting to see an exposed male posterior in public makes you immature (her "grow up" comment) what does she think verbally assaulting someone in the grocery aisle constitutes?

TurtleDove

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #52 on: February 18, 2013, 01:07:21 PM »
I was pointing out  how Weeble handled redirecting her daughter. I detected an implicit criticism in what you posted, and I apologize if I was wrong to detect it.

There was no implicit criticism.  I meant to convey exactly what I said, which is how I would have handled it given my experience.  The OP asked for thoughts and those were mine. 

JenJay

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #53 on: February 18, 2013, 01:10:43 PM »
Weeble, I think you were fine.  Frankly, if this woman thinks that no wanting to see an exposed male posterior in public makes you immature (her "grow up" comment) what does she think verbally assaulting someone in the grocery aisle constitutes?

Exactly. I don't think it matters how shocked WW's mom's expression might have been, she had an immediate gut reaction and then kept walking. She didn't stop and stare, point, comment, etc. The other woman, however, decided to rant and curse. She also could have had an immediate gut reaction (being offended that two strangers were offended at her husband's bum), composed herself and moved on but she chose not to. I also don't think WW's reply to being cursed at was unreasonable. Maybe she should have ignored it, but she also could have cursed back. She didn't. It's okay to defend yourself even if you don't have to.

IMO CursingLady is at fault for the entire interaction.

Fleur

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #54 on: February 18, 2013, 01:46:51 PM »

I am gobsmacked that anypne is saying that the OP's mother 'should have better control of her face'. I think that if more people acted visibly shocked at public indecency, there would be less of it. People who go around half naked deserve to be publicly shamed, end of story. A naked bottom in public is disgusting. End of story.
« Last Edit: February 18, 2013, 01:48:51 PM by Fleur »

TurtleDove

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #55 on: February 18, 2013, 01:52:52 PM »


I am gobsmacked that anypne is saying that the OP's mother 'should have better control of her face'. I think that if more people acted visibly shocked at public indencency, there would be less of it. People who go around half naked desereve to be publicly shamed, end of story. A naked bottom in public is disgusting. End of story.

I agree that a naked bottom in public is inappropriate, and I think most people would, but the problem is where to draw the line.  Not everyone will agree on what is appropriate and what is not, and it is very subjective depending on body type and clothing type and various other factors.  I think ignoring things that offend me works best for me, because unless I am forced to interact with a person regularly (for example, if my coworker always wears short shorts and a mesh half shirt in the office) the chances of my "disgust" actually leading to anything other than an uncomfortable moment are slim.   For me, walking past the man and ignoring it would mean the entire incident was over before it started.  Noticing it, focusing on it, and saying something to the man would not allow me to unsee it, would not likely cause him to change his behavior, and is very likely to create some sort of disturbance.

Zilla

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #56 on: February 18, 2013, 01:53:25 PM »

I am gobsmacked that anypne is saying that the OP's mother 'should have better control of her face'. I think that if more people acted visibly shocked at public indecency, there would be less of it. People who go around half naked deserve to be publicly shamed, end of story. A naked bottom in public is disgusting. End of story.


No one said it wasn't disgusting and the gentleman's back was to them, so the "shocked" look would be a moot point.  Etiquette is being unfailing and unflinchingly polite. 

Fleur

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #57 on: February 18, 2013, 01:58:28 PM »

I am gobsmacked that anypne is saying that the OP's mother 'should have better control of her face'. I think that if more people acted visibly shocked at public indecency, there would be less of it. People who go around half naked deserve to be publicly shamed, end of story. A naked bottom in public is disgusting. End of story.


No one said it wasn't disgusting and the gentleman's back was to them, so the "shocked" look would be a moot point.  Etiquette is being unfailing and unflinchingly polite.

I don't see anything impolite in a shocked look. The fact that the man's classless partner was spoiling for a fight doesn't mean that the OP's mother was at all rude. I agree with TurtleDove that it isn't good to dwell on things outside our control, that is a good point. However, it is a pet peeve of mine that more and more people seem to think it is acceptable to be very skimpily/sloopily dressed in public. Frankly, I think that store managements should probably have stricter rules. I have seen some sights I would really rather not see. The fact that the man's partner saw fit to curse the OP is just the icing on the cake.

Zilla

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #58 on: February 18, 2013, 02:03:36 PM »

I am gobsmacked that anypne is saying that the OP's mother 'should have better control of her face'. I think that if more people acted visibly shocked at public indecency, there would be less of it. People who go around half naked deserve to be publicly shamed, end of story. A naked bottom in public is disgusting. End of story.


No one said it wasn't disgusting and the gentleman's back was to them, so the "shocked" look would be a moot point.  Etiquette is being unfailing and unflinchingly polite.

I don't see anything impolite in a shocked look. The fact that the man's classless partner was spoiling for a fight doesn't mean that the OP's mother was at all rude. I agree with TurtleDove that it isn't good to dwell on things outside our control, that is a good point. However, it is a pet peeve of mine that more and more people seem to think it is acceptable to be very skimpily/sloopily dressed in public. Frankly, I think that store managements should probably have stricter rules. I have seen some sights I would really rather not see. The fact that the man's partner saw fit to curse the OP is just the icing on the cake.


I guess we see it differently.  I wouldn't go around looking askance at people that doesn't meet my criteria.  I simply avert my eyes and do exactly that, not dwell on it.

TootsNYC

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #59 on: February 18, 2013, 02:06:17 PM »
You were fine.  The other person was low class and rude.  I love it when people use foul language so naturally.  Shows you who they are.

Was this really necessary?  There are many of us on this board who swear like sailors, but that doesn't mean that we can't be gracious and polite people.  Please don't insult us by implying that we're low class and rude.

Well then obviously, I wasn't talking about people like you.  I presume that since you are not rude and low class, you would not just randomly swear at a stranger for no reason. Would you?

And actually, even if you're all swearing around the bbq grill at friend's house, you are still showing who you are. Just as I show who I am when I drop big words here and there. I'm not necessarily "someone who likes to be snobbish about vocabulary"; I may just be "someone who is accustomed to using large words and having other people know what the mean."


As for the swearing lady in the OP: I bet you she didn't like that her partner was showing his butt either, but she didn't feel she could say anything. So she was defensive, and THAT is why she was so nasty.