Author Topic: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.  (Read 7850 times)

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onyonryngs

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #60 on: February 18, 2013, 02:11:36 PM »

I am gobsmacked that anypne is saying that the OP's mother 'should have better control of her face'. I think that if more people acted visibly shocked at public indecency, there would be less of it. People who go around half naked deserve to be publicly shamed, end of story. A naked bottom in public is disgusting. End of story.

Public shaming doesn't sound at all polite to me.  You ignore it & move on.

Fleur

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #61 on: February 18, 2013, 02:13:06 PM »

I am gobsmacked that anypne is saying that the OP's mother 'should have better control of her face'. I think that if more people acted visibly shocked at public indecency, there would be less of it. People who go around half naked deserve to be publicly shamed, end of story. A naked bottom in public is disgusting. End of story.


No one said it wasn't disgusting and the gentleman's back was to them, so the "shocked" look would be a moot point.  Etiquette is being unfailing and unflinchingly polite.

I don't see anything impolite in a shocked look. The fact that the man's classless partner was spoiling for a fight doesn't mean that the OP's mother was at all rude. I agree with TurtleDove that it isn't good to dwell on things outside our control, that is a good point. However, it is a pet peeve of mine that more and more people seem to think it is acceptable to be very skimpily/sloopily dressed in public. Frankly, I think that store managements should probably have stricter rules. I have seen some sights I would really rather not see. The fact that the man's partner saw fit to curse the OP is just the icing on the cake.


I guess we see it differently.  I wouldn't go around looking askance at people that doesn't meet my criteria.  I simply avert my eyes and do exactly that, not dwell on it.

With people as classless as the people in the OP, even an averted gaze would be seen as an insult. I would actually not avert my gaze or react at all, probably, just for fear of engaging them. That doesn't make their behaviour anything other than disgusting and trashy, though.

Fleur

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #62 on: February 18, 2013, 02:14:57 PM »

I am gobsmacked that anypne is saying that the OP's mother 'should have better control of her face'. I think that if more people acted visibly shocked at public indecency, there would be less of it. People who go around half naked deserve to be publicly shamed, end of story. A naked bottom in public is disgusting. End of story.

Public shaming doesn't sound at all polite to me.  You ignore it & move on.

I don't see anything wrong in publicly shaming obscence behaviour. Showing body parts is beyond the pale rude. I don't think one can be rude to people who do it. It might not be wise to engage them, though, but that is an issue of safety, not of etiquette.

Zilla

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #63 on: February 18, 2013, 02:22:12 PM »
Rudeness met with rudeness is still being rude.  It has been said over and over on here.  But alas I can agree to disagree.  And by averting my gaze, I mean not looking down at him again to give a look to publicly shame him.

onyonryngs

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #64 on: February 18, 2013, 02:25:01 PM »

I am gobsmacked that anypne is saying that the OP's mother 'should have better control of her face'. I think that if more people acted visibly shocked at public indecency, there would be less of it. People who go around half naked deserve to be publicly shamed, end of story. A naked bottom in public is disgusting. End of story.

Public shaming doesn't sound at all polite to me.  You ignore it & move on.

I don't see anything wrong in publicly shaming obscence behaviour. Showing body parts is beyond the pale rude. I don't think one can be rude to people who do it. It might not be wise to engage them, though, but that is an issue of safety, not of etiquette.

Do you really think this guy did it purposefully?  I don't.  Retaliatory rudeness is not an approved action, especially when something was accidental.   Showing something you didn't mean to happens, you get over it.  The polite thing to do would be to either discreetly and nicely let the person know they're unknowingly showing too much, or move along.

Fleur

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #65 on: February 18, 2013, 02:31:08 PM »

I am gobsmacked that anypne is saying that the OP's mother 'should have better control of her face'. I think that if more people acted visibly shocked at public indecency, there would be less of it. People who go around half naked deserve to be publicly shamed, end of story. A naked bottom in public is disgusting. End of story.

Public shaming doesn't sound at all polite to me.  You ignore it & move on.

I don't see anything wrong in publicly shaming obscence behaviour. Showing body parts is beyond the pale rude. I don't think one can be rude to people who do it. It might not be wise to engage them, though, but that is an issue of safety, not of etiquette.

Do you really think this guy did it purposefully?  I don't.  Retaliatory rudeness is not an approved action, especially when something was accidental.   Showing something you didn't mean to happens, you get over it.  The polite thing to do would be to either discreetly and nicely let the person know they're unknowingly showing too much, or move along.

We'll have to agree to disagree. I might be biased by some of my local supermarkets where I have seen far too much semi-nudity. I'm totally over it by now and wish that the staff would take a stronger line. These people wouldn't know 'nice' if, (pardon the pun) it bit them on the backside.

JenJay

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #66 on: February 18, 2013, 02:35:17 PM »
I'm surprised that so many people would be capable of controlling their instant-reaction facial expressions. I would certainly try not to make a scene if something shocked me but I guarantee you it's going to read on my face for a moment before I'm able to compose myself. Just how long a moment depends on the person and whatever it was they've seen, we all have different thresholds for what shocks us. If someone happens to be looking at me when that expression crosses my face, gets angry and yells at me, that makes the interaction my fault? I just don't get that logic at all.

We can't walk through life like robots. I think I have a reasonable expectation that I won't see nudity in the grocery store, and someone else should have a reasonable expectation that, if they choose to be partially nude in public, some people aren't going to enjoy it. If they want to rant, rave and curse because they could tell I internally went "eww!" for a second I think that's 100% their problem. I'm not going to be held accountable for unleashing someone's crazy by having a normal human reaction, especially if it only lasts a few seconds and I move away.

Fleur

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #67 on: February 18, 2013, 02:37:34 PM »
I'm surprised that so many people would be capable of controlling their instant-reaction facial expressions. I would certainly try not to make a scene if something shocked me but I guarantee you it's going to read on my face for a moment before I'm able to compose myself. Just how long a moment depends on the person and whatever it was they've seen, we all have different thresholds for what shocks us. If someone happens to be looking at me when that expression crosses my face, gets angry and yells at me, that makes the interaction my fault? I just don't get that logic at all.

We can't walk through life like robots. I think I have a reasonable expectation that I won't see nudity in the grocery store, and someone else should have a reasonable expectation that, if they choose to be partially nude in public, some people aren't going to enjoy it. If they want to rant, rave and curse because they could tell I internally went "eww!" for a second I think that's 100% their problem. I'm not going to be held accountable for unleashing someone's crazy by having a normal human reaction, especially if it only lasts a few seconds and I move away.

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Outdoor Girl

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #68 on: February 18, 2013, 02:40:17 PM »
Do you really think this guy did it purposefully?

I'm not sure it was completely on purpose but it wasn't completely accidental, either.  Most people who realized they'd exposed their backside would fix it after moving one case of soda.  But this guy stayed in his crouched/bent over position, continuing to move several more cases, with his entire backside exposed.
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Ontario

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #69 on: February 18, 2013, 03:01:30 PM »
Keep the discussion focused, on-topic and constructive, please.

Queen of Clubs

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #70 on: February 18, 2013, 03:02:44 PM »
I'm surprised that so many people would be capable of controlling their instant-reaction facial expressions. I would certainly try not to make a scene if something shocked me but I guarantee you it's going to read on my face for a moment before I'm able to compose myself. Just how long a moment depends on the person and whatever it was they've seen, we all have different thresholds for what shocks us. If someone happens to be looking at me when that expression crosses my face, gets angry and yells at me, that makes the interaction my fault? I just don't get that logic at all.

We can't walk through life like robots. I think I have a reasonable expectation that I won't see nudity in the grocery store, and someone else should have a reasonable expectation that, if they choose to be partially nude in public, some people aren't going to enjoy it. If they want to rant, rave and curse because they could tell I internally went "eww!" for a second I think that's 100% their problem. I'm not going to be held accountable for unleashing someone's crazy by having a normal human reaction, especially if it only lasts a few seconds and I move away.

I agree with this so much.  I don't think it's public shaming or retaliatory rudeness if I look shocked at something that's shocking or appalled at something that's appalling.  It would be veering into public shaming if I stood and gawped for a long while or loudly pointed out how the man was (hopefully, accidentally) exposing himself, but looking away and moving on is the best, most polite, thing I can do.

If the man was aware that he was exposing his entire rear (and, like others, I'm wondering how he couldn't know), then he was rude to not fix his clothes.  The woman was rude regardless.



wolfie

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #71 on: February 18, 2013, 03:14:08 PM »
I'm surprised that so many people would be capable of controlling their instant-reaction facial expressions. I would certainly try not to make a scene if something shocked me but I guarantee you it's going to read on my face for a moment before I'm able to compose myself. Just how long a moment depends on the person and whatever it was they've seen, we all have different thresholds for what shocks us. If someone happens to be looking at me when that expression crosses my face, gets angry and yells at me, that makes the interaction my fault? I just don't get that logic at all.

We can't walk through life like robots. I think I have a reasonable expectation that I won't see nudity in the grocery store, and someone else should have a reasonable expectation that, if they choose to be partially nude in public, some people aren't going to enjoy it. If they want to rant, rave and curse because they could tell I internally went "eww!" for a second I think that's 100% their problem. I'm not going to be held accountable for unleashing someone's crazy by having a normal human reaction, especially if it only lasts a few seconds and I move away.

I totally agree! It's great that so many people have such tight control over their expressions, but I am not one of them. I turn a corner and see someone exposed I am going to have an expression of shock. I wouldn't say anything and I would try to hurry past them, but I refuse to consider myself rude because my eyes popped or my mouth dropped.

mmswm

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #72 on: February 18, 2013, 05:10:53 PM »
I wanted to address why I felt that alerting management would have been appropriate.  I feel that since the woman reacted aggressively to a momentary shocked look and averted gazes, the potential for an even more aggressive reaction towards people who were not as polite and composed as the OP is within the realm of possibility. If there's potential for a violent confrontation, then management needs to know so they can be proactive about a potentially explosive situation. I don't think it would be necessary or  appropriate to demand that the customers be kicked out, but I do think management should know that the potential exists so that they can keep and eye out and assess the situation themselves and make a fully informed decision should something worse than a few shouted curse words occur.

elephantschild

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #73 on: February 18, 2013, 05:48:36 PM »
I'm surprised that so many people would be capable of controlling their instant-reaction facial expressions. I would certainly try not to make a scene if something shocked me but I guarantee you it's going to read on my face for a moment before I'm able to compose myself. Just how long a moment depends on the person and whatever it was they've seen, we all have different thresholds for what shocks us. If someone happens to be looking at me when that expression crosses my face, gets angry and yells at me, that makes the interaction my fault? I just don't get that logic at all.

We can't walk through life like robots. I think I have a reasonable expectation that I won't see nudity in the grocery store, and someone else should have a reasonable expectation that, if they choose to be partially nude in public, some people aren't going to enjoy it. If they want to rant, rave and curse because they could tell I internally went "eww!" for a second I think that's 100% their problem. I'm not going to be held accountable for unleashing someone's crazy by having a normal human reaction, especially if it only lasts a few seconds and I move away.

I agree with this so much.  I don't think it's public shaming or retaliatory rudeness if I look shocked at something that's shocking or appalled at something that's appalling.  It would be veering into public shaming if I stood and gawped for a long while or loudly pointed out how the man was (hopefully, accidentally) exposing himself, but looking away and moving on is the best, most polite, thing I can do.

If the man was aware that he was exposing his entire rear (and, like others, I'm wondering how he couldn't know), then he was rude to not fix his clothes.  The woman was rude regardless.

I also agree, completely. Having a shocked expression toward something that is, by most standards, shocking is simply a natural consequence.

I also agree that there is no way he wasn't aware of his "wardrobe malfunction."
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LeveeWoman

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Re: Sparing embarrassment vs. What I consider appropriate parenting.
« Reply #74 on: February 18, 2013, 06:46:08 PM »
I wanted to address why I felt that alerting management would have been appropriate.  I feel that since the woman reacted aggressively to a momentary shocked look and averted gazes, the potential for an even more aggressive reaction towards people who were not as polite and composed as the OP is within the realm of possibility. If there's potential for a violent confrontation, then management needs to know so they can be proactive about a potentially explosive situation. I don't think it would be necessary or  appropriate to demand that the customers be kicked out, but I do think management should know that the potential exists so that they can keep and eye out and assess the situation themselves and make a fully informed decision should something worse than a few shouted curse words occur.

That's what I was thinking. Also, if he's letting the moon shine in the soda section, who knows how many others sections will get the light of the silvery moon?