General Etiquette > Family and Children

Grandparents Giftgrab/shower

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   I received an invite for a shower for people from my mother's church for a grandparents shower.  It was not even mailed but handed to my mom to give to me.  I don't think I ever met these people, much less the daughter who had the baby. The baby lives in NYC and visits from time to time. Included in the invite was the grandparent's registry info, so being curious I took a look.
 Nothing on that list was under $50.00 and most things were well over $100. There were things like an entire bedroom set with convertible crib/bed combo two dressers, dressing table, ect a travel system and a jogging stroller, it really seems like the expect the church to outfit them to host this kid in style.
   Honestly I find it rude to invite folks you don't know to a gift giving event...but to present them with a registry like this?  I am of course not going, but mom is under the impression that since I was invited - I have to send a gift.
    I disagree.  Does an invite mean you have to buy something for something like this?

No way.  Was the invitation even addressed to you?  I wonder if they just got a whole bunch and have been handing them out to people, or if your mom was just told "Oh you should bring your daughter snowdragon - here's an invitation!"  You do not need to send a gift, just decline if there is a RSVP notation.  You don't know them and what's more, they are the grandparents, it isn't even going to the parents/child.

No way would I send a gift especially since you barely know these people. That's ridiculous. 

I think the grandparent shower thing is weird.  My DH's work has had a few (many of the workers have been there for years and they like an excuse to have a party), but they usually chip in a few dollars to buy something like a carseat or give a onesie that says "World's Best Grandma."  The idea of an expensive and extensive registry just boggles my mind.

Drunken Housewife:
Your mom is incorrect.  Etiquette cannot require that someone has to buy a nice present for strangers because a third party handed them an invitation.  First, there is not a rule that getting invited means you MUST send a gift.  Even if there were, you weren't even directly invited by the hosts.  They don't even know you well enough to mail the invitation to you or even hand it to you. 

I have been to grandma showers and don't mind them.  They are usually pretty small and mellow. Of course the ones I've attended have only had guests/honorees who all knew each other.  The price ranges of gifts tended to vary.  If grandma was going to be hosting overnight or at naptime guests might chip in for a pack and play or they might get a carseat.  On the other end a bib or two might also be perfectly reasonable.

I do know some granma's who have had grandcholdren living with them because a parent was deployed, others who provided daily care while parents were working, etc.  I think knowing the role the grandparents might play in the lives of the child might explain the decision to have a shower.


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