General Etiquette > Family and Children

Grandparents Giftgrab/shower

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JenJay:
What the heck? That's nuts! I can think of a few occasions where a grandparent shower is appropriate but this doesn't sound like one of them and certainly not to that scale!

No you don't have to send a gift and your Mom doesn't have to either, just because they attend the same church. I wouldn't even send a card since you don't know any of the people involved and the host didn't even bother to personally invite you.

Deetee:
Your mom is totally, utterly wrong. An invitation is not a summons, nor is it an invoice. A card expressing your congratulations and reqrets that you cannot attend is more than sufficient.

(And I have nothing against a grandparent shower personally. In my social network, with mainly retired grandparents, I feel that sort of party makes more sense for them than for the parents. I have never had a shower-I just find the whole concept a bit not for me-, but seemed to recieve an awful lot of gifts anyhow for baby one and they are rolling in for baby two now)

Sara Crewe (previously Tia2):
The only time I would feel obligated to send a gift in this situation would be if I would have attended if not for outside forces.

In this case, not even knowing the people involved, all that is required is a polite refusal of the invitation.

Sadly, your mother's belief is why a lot of people scattergun their invitations - they think the person won't come but has to send a present.  More loot! 

This may or may not be why you got this invitation - it may be that they were trying to be inclusive or it may be a gift grab.

 

Redneck Gravy:
Pod previous posters...an invitation is neither a summons nor a check request.

And this whole grandparents shower is another gimmegrab that is getting out of hand IMO.

Yes an extra car seat or portacrib would be nice - but really, do you need an entire stocked and furnished nursery  :o

Lynn2000:
Agree... invitation does not equal gift, or attendance. Feel free to ignore, unless there's an RSVP notice, in which case you can RSVP no.

Not sure how I feel about grandparent showers... With showers there's such a fine line between the guest of honor wanting it, and other people really wanting to throw it. If a grandparent was going to unexpectedly be taking on primary care of a grandchild due to some unfortunate circumstance, I could see the grandparent's friends maybe getting together and saying, "Let's cheer Betty up by having a little party for her and getting her a couple of baby things." In which case, no one who isn't close enough to know the entire backstory should be invited. Or maybe, as a PP said, "any excuse for a party" with a cake and a couple of onesies as gifts, no big deal really.

But inviting a large number of people who don't even know the guest of honor, and providing a registry of expensive items only (which suggests the level of expectations the GOH has), is rather dodgy.

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