Grandparents Giftgrab/shower

[Rosewater]

Send a card and call it good, just because an invitation is issued does not mean an automatic gift is required of the recipient.  Honestly I am so sick and tired of this cult of entitlement when it comes to getting baby things.  It is no ones place to provide child oriented objects in the grandparents home except *GASP* the grandparents themselves.  This whole description of the invitation just reeks of a gift grab opportunity.

[*inviteseller]

An invitation, whether you know the person or not, does not mean you have to go or buy a gift.  What I think they did was just use the church rolls to make out the guest list.  I have seen people cast these wide nets (my sister went to a co workers daughter's shower to be nice because she figured if she, not knowing the girl was invited, they were hard pressed to find guests.  HA! 150 people in a huge hall, not enough food, only a select few got favors, and she didn't open the gifts because there were too many) and they are to me, blatant gift grabs.  And then for her to register for a full nursery for her house?  No, unless she was raising this child by herself.  In my opinion, you don't even have to send a card, as this is not even the mother of the baby they are celebrating, but the grandmother.  Send regrets, and don't give it another thought.  As for your mom, she sounds like my former MIL...didn't matter who she got invitations from, she always HAD to send a gift because what would people think?  Half the time she had to call other relatives to find out who this person was. 

[snowdragon]

What I think they did was just use the church rolls to make out the guest list.

  I am not registered at this church, so they could not have.  I am not sure how they even know of me.

Your sister was very gracious to go to that shower.

[*inviteseller]

Wow !  That is even worse.  Do they at least know your mom???  And my sister was caught off guard.  She actually went out to her car to call me to vent she was so mad!

[snowdragon]

Wow !  That is even worse.  Do they at least know your mom???  And my sister was caught off guard.  She actually went out to her car to call me to vent she was so mad!

Yes, they know mom, she works in the church office, so she knows an awful lot of people,,,,and even more  know her ( or think they do) and mom does not talk about her private life at work. So it's really odd that they know of me.

[kareng57]

Is this becoming somewhat mainstream? - a Grandparent shower?

I certainly hope not.  If the anticipation is that the grandparents will be doing regular daycare and will require items such as high chairs, car seats etc. - then it's the baby's parents who ought to be providing them.

[Sharnita]

Whenever I've heard of it, It has been key wnd done by the grandma's friends who decided they wanted to get together and help celebrate/give a few gifts.

[Twik]

I have been to grandma showers and don't mind them.  They are usually pretty small and mellow. Of course the ones I've attended have only had guests/honorees who all knew each other.  The price ranges of gifts tended to vary.  If grandma was going to be hosting overnight or at naptime guests might chip in for a pack and play or they might get a carseat.  On the other end a bib or two might also be perfectly reasonable.

I do know some granma's who have had grandcholdren living with them because a parent was deployed, others who provided daily care while parents were working, etc.  I think knowing the role the grandparents might play in the lives of the child might explain the decision to have a shower.

It might explain why the grandparents want to buy themselves things to provide care. It is not a reason why they should expect others to provide those things for them.

The excuse for showers for parents is that they are, quite often, young people without a lot of resources. This is not a reason to provide (presumably) established older adults with free stuff.

[Sharnita]

I have been to grandma showers and don't mind them.  They are usually pretty small and mellow. Of course the ones I've attended have only had guests/honorees who all knew each other.  The price ranges of gifts tended to vary.  If grandma was going to be hosting overnight or at naptime guests might chip in for a pack and play or they might get a carseat.  On the other end a bib or two might also be perfectly reasonable.

I do know some granma's who have had grandcholdren living with them because a parent was deployed, others who provided daily care while parents were working, etc.  I think knowing the role the grandparents might play in the lives of the child might explain the decision to have a shower.

It might explain why the grandparents want to buy themselves things to provide care. It is not a reason why they should expect others to provide those things for them.

The excuse for showers for parents is that they are, quite often, young people without a lot of resources. This is not a reason to provide (presumably) established older adults with free stuff.

Twik, who says grandparents expect anything?  Every time I have seen a grandparent shower it is because friends got together and wanted to give them something (and to have a party).

[peaches]

Twik, who says grandparents expect anything?  Every time I have seen a grandparent shower it is because friends got together and wanted to give them something (and have a party).

Well, that's the definition of any shower - friends get together to give gifts and have a party.

The question is whether this type of organized event, or a new tradition, is justified under the circumstances. I don't think so.

The thing is, traditions become expectations. If your friends have Grandparent Showers given for them, chances are you'll expect one when the time comes.

Anyone can have a party anytime (or a lunch, or a tea, or whatever) but once you start calling it a Grandparent Shower, you are setting up expectations.

[lowspark]

I have been to grandma showers and don't mind them.  They are usually pretty small and mellow. Of course the ones I've attended have only had guests/honorees who all knew each other.  The price ranges of gifts tended to vary.  If grandma was going to be hosting overnight or at naptime guests might chip in for a pack and play or they might get a carseat.  On the other end a bib or two might also be perfectly reasonable.

I do know some granma's who have had grandcholdren living with them because a parent was deployed, others who provided daily care while parents were working, etc.  I think knowing the role the grandparents might play in the lives of the child might explain the decision to have a shower.

It might explain why the grandparents want to buy themselves things to provide care. It is not a reason why they should expect others to provide those things for them.

The excuse for showers for parents is that they are, quite often, young people without a lot of resources. This is not a reason to provide (presumably) established older adults with free stuff.

Twik, who says grandparents expect anything?  Every time I have seen a grandparent shower it is because friends got together and wanted to give them something (and to have a party).

To me, the fact that the grandparents actually registered indicates that they expect something.

   I received an invite for a shower for people from my mother's church for a grandparents shower.  It was not even mailed but handed to my mom to give to me.  I don't think I ever met these people, much less the daughter who had the baby. The baby lives in NYC and visits from time to time. Included in the invite was the grandparent's registry info, so being curious I took a look.
 Nothing on that list was under $50.00 and most things were well over $100. There were things like an entire bedroom set with convertible crib/bed combo two dressers, dressing table, ect a travel system and a jogging stroller, it really seems like the expect the church to outfit them to host this kid in style.     Honestly I find it rude to invite folks you don't know to a gift giving event...but to present them with a registry like this?  I am of course not going, but mom is under the impression that since I was invited - I have to send a gift.
    I disagree.  Does an invite mean you have to buy something for something like this?

But I'm not sure if you were talking in the general sense, "grandparents in general do not expect anything" or specifically about this set of grandparents, who, it seems to me, definitely do expect... a lot!

[Sharnita]

I don't think the grandparents in the OP are representative of all/most grandparents.

[EllenS]

Never heard of a gp shower before. Since the original idea of a bridal or baby shower was to "initiate" someone into a new phase of life, by the more experienced providing useful little things the newbie might not think of, I can see where a grandparent shower of the type described by Sharnita could be cute and appropriate - a "welcome to the club" sort of thing.

I can also see where a church might get together and collect donations for a family in need, such as a grandparent unexpectedly raising a child.

But combining the two?  Especially with a registry of all-new and expensive items? Inviting strangers and non-church members?  Bad form all around.

[Fragglerocker]

The whole idea of a "grandparent shower" screams entitled gimme pig to me.

Yes, there could be reasons a grandparent would need said items, if, for instance, they'll be the primary care givers.  A special party for them depending on the situation?  Sure.  But even calling it a "grandparent shower" implies, to me, that simply becoming grandparents means it's time to throw a shower.  Hate the whole concept.

[lowspark]

I don't think the grandparents in the OP are representative of all/most grandparents.

I don't either. That's why I said I wasn't sure if you were referring to grandparents in general or this specific case. In general I don't think that either showers or registries are the norm or even common for grandparents. Which is why this whole thing seems so over the top in the way of a giftgrab.

I'm currently in the age group where several of my friends have become grandparents and others are certainly soon to follow. I've attended a few showers for the offsprings of my friends, in other words, the new parents-to-be, but for the grandparents themselves? Nope.

It would be just too weird as we're all at that stage of life where we are established and have a certain amount of disposable income. Showering the "kids" so to speak with gifts for their weddings & babies is pretty normal and in line with the idea that we're helping them as they are starting out just as our parents and their friends helped us. Showering the friends of my own generation at this point in our lives is almost laughable. And expecting the younger generation to help shower us with gifts? Ridiculous!

Is this couple in the OP hard up or poor or somehow underprivileged? If so, then maybe it occurred to them to go to their church for help and the idea grew from there. But where it really gets out of hand is in registering for expensive items and inviting people they don't even know.