Author Topic: Laughing at my child  (Read 8651 times)

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Venus193

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #15 on: February 18, 2013, 09:24:28 AM »
If your daughter is anything like mine, she will shut it down herself in a serious way in about a year. My  just turned 4 years old kid HATES being laughed at. She will yell, sulk and cry if her serious pronouncements  are met with laughter or even smiles. (though she loves it when she means to be funny and people laugh).

I should mention that my kid is generally good natured, cheery and well behaved and has no behavorial or developmental issues which makes her UTTER FURY over being a source of amusement quite striking in its intensity.

That's the kind of kid I was and believe me, you want to avoid this.  It ain't pretty.

yokozbornak

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #16 on: February 18, 2013, 09:30:18 AM »
You could just her enjoy her grandchild without trying to micromanage her behavior.
 
It doesn't sound like she is laughing at your child in a cruel way.  She is her grandmother!  She is likely truly delighted by everything her grandchild does.  Why not just let her be?

She is not doing anything rude.  And just because it annoys you doesn't make it rude.  Sometimes we need to deal with people and their idiosyncrasies without demanding that they change for us.

I agree with this.  Does she see your daughter often?  I am guesisng that since you are Skyping, she may not get to see her in person very much.  It sounds like she thinks everything your daughter does is wonderful and gives her joy.  I would just let her be.

I do understand where you are coming me from.  We live quite a distance from our families, and I have noticed that my in-laws tend to be a bit over the top especially when it comes to taking pictures.  It can be a bit annoying, but they love my girls and want to record every minute they can with them. 

TurtleDove

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #17 on: February 18, 2013, 09:52:19 AM »
You could just her enjoy her grandchild without trying to micromanage her behavior.
 
It doesn't sound like she is laughing at your child in a cruel way.  She is her grandmother!  She is likely truly delighted by everything her grandchild does.  Why not just let her be?

She is not doing anything rude.  And just because it annoys you doesn't make it rude.  Sometimes we need to deal with people and their idiosyncrasies without demanding that they change for us.

I agree with this.  Does she see your daughter often?  I am guesisng that since you are Skyping, she may not get to see her in person very much.  It sounds like she thinks everything your daughter does is wonderful and gives her joy.  I would just let her be.

I do understand where you are coming me from.  We live quite a distance from our families, and I have noticed that my in-laws tend to be a bit over the top especially when it comes to taking pictures.  It can be a bit annoying, but they love my girls and want to record every minute they can with them.

I agree.  I think the OP could do a lot of long lasting damage to the relationship between her family and the MIL if she tries to micromanage the MIL's enjoyment of her grandchild.  I didn't see anything rude in the descriptions, and I think the DD is going to be able to address this soon if it really is a problem for her (as opposed to just annoying the OP).  I would imagine that if I were the MIL and was told not to delight in my grandchild or that I am doing it wrong, I would feel judged and overly cautious and unwelcome. I wouldn't know what to do becauase I was just enjoying my grandchild and for some reason that isn't okay with her mom.  It would feel really odd to me.

Zilla

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #18 on: February 18, 2013, 10:01:52 AM »
If she is all there mentally and you say she does this in person as well.  It just sounds like her granddaughter is  joy to her.  I actually think it's pretty cute what your dd said about not being able to have jelly.  Especially if she has a cute voice.
 
And like others said, if it bothers your dd, she will ask her eventually why does she laugh all the time?  I would let it go and not think the worst of mil.

AmethystAnne

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #19 on: February 18, 2013, 10:05:34 AM »
If I had to guess, she is laughing in delight. Everything your DD says is a new source of joy and wonder for her.  It's a bit over the top, but I don't think it's laughing AT your daughter.
This is what I was thinking too. My grandchildren are delightful and wonderful. I feel great joy when I'm interacting with them. But those feelings come out as me scooping them up and giving big hugs and noisy kisses if they are willing.

When MIL starts laughing, calmly say, "Oh MIL, toddler thinks you are making fun of her."  And then see how she responds.  Don't smile and play along either.  Let MIL feel the awkward.
Your MIL needs it pointed out to her in a gentle way now, because it will affect her relationship with your DD in the not-too-far future. I have to tailor my attention to each grandchild's personality. MiddleGrandson loves to have me play trucks with him. His sister is a snuggle bug.

squeakers

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #20 on: February 18, 2013, 11:26:37 AM »

MIL finds everything DD says is hilarious. (snip) Yesterday DD said 'if I don't eat all my dinner, I don't get any jelly'. MIL laughed till she almost had tears.

Sorry, but I would have laughed too.  Because it would have reminded me of "If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.  How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!?"

"I feel sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." "It is so low, in fact, that Miss Manners feels sure you would not want to resort to it yourself, even in your own defense. We do not believe in retaliatory rudeness." Judith Martin

onyonryngs

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #21 on: February 18, 2013, 11:44:47 AM »
If I had to guess, she is laughing in delight. Everything your DD says is a new source of joy and wonder for her.  It's a bit over the top, but I don't think it's laughing AT your daughter.

This.  I don't for a second think she's actually laughing AT your daughter.  She just finds her delightful.  She's not making fun of her. 

Roe

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #22 on: February 18, 2013, 01:16:49 PM »
I'm sure the grandmother is laughing in delight but the toddler isn't taking it that way.  She feels as if the grandmother is making fun of her.

Zilla

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #23 on: February 18, 2013, 01:56:22 PM »
I'm sure the grandmother is laughing in delight but the toddler isn't taking it that way.  She feels as if the grandmother is making fun of her.


Actually the OP says she feels that way.  The child just gave a weird look like why is she laughing like that?  I can't tell you how many times my kids gave that look of complete puzzlement when others laughed at something they said or did and they don't know why.  When the child does ask, the OP can say that the grandmother loves her very much and thinks she is very cute and that she expresses her joy with laughter.

Roe

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #24 on: February 18, 2013, 02:07:11 PM »
Given that the OP senses a degree of judgement, it's not unrealistic to assume that the toddler is sensing the same thing.

citadelle

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #25 on: February 18, 2013, 02:14:34 PM »
I laugh at everything my grandson does because he is adorable. If his mom seemed offended by that, I would be really confused. And sad. I would wonder whether I would be "allowed" to express the depth of that happiness that comes just from watching him without offending her.

Zilla

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #26 on: February 18, 2013, 02:23:56 PM »
Given that the OP senses a degree of judgement, it's not unrealistic to assume that the toddler is sensing the same thing.


Exactly, the toddler will pick it up from her mom.  That's why i suggested in redirecting that by telling the toddler that it isn't a making fun of type laughter.  The OP said herself that she likes her mil and this isn't something mean.

rose red

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #27 on: February 18, 2013, 02:52:18 PM »
I'm sure the MIL think she's laughing with delight, but laughing to the point of tears at a simple statement is off-putting and over the top.  I don't know what you can say though since she's not being mean.  I guess just watch how your DD react and explain that's how Grandma is; that's she's not making fun and just like to be happy and laugh.  So far, she's just giving a weird look so it doesn't sound like a problem yet.

shygirl

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #28 on: February 18, 2013, 03:15:18 PM »
I would do a combination of what previous posters suggested.  Explain to your daughter, if you think she will understand, that her grandma is not laughing AT her or making fun of her.  And explain to your MIL that your daughter thinks her grandma is laughing at her, and is confused by it.

For people who think that the OP should stay out of the relationship between her daugher and MIL, and just let MIL enjoy her grandaughter, normally I would agree with that.  But if the OP's daughter is confused by her grandma's behavior, or feels hurt by it, then the OP should say something.

I live far away from my parents, so we skype almost daily so they can see/talk to my son (their only grandchild, so far).  My son is 2 years old.  Some time ago, my parents would "offer" my son snacks over the computer.  Obviously, my son is not going to be able take those snacks.  But my parents thought it was funny when he would reach for the snacks.  I noticed that my son was getting frustrated by this behavior.  It wasn't like he would fall down screaming and have a tantrum, he just wouldn't be all smiley and cute when he reached for the snack and obviously got nothing.  I asked my parents to stop doing that because I could tell that my son didn't find this as funny as parents were.  Sure, I could have let my parents "enjoy their grandson", but shouldn't my son also "enjoy his grandparents"?

Here's an example of the opposite situation:  Now that my son is finally talking, it's really, really cute.  You know what is NOT cute?  When a 50+ year old woman talks like a toddler.  It grates on my nerves like you wouldn't believe.  But my mom and my son BOTH find it funny, and both laugh and carry on like a couple of old friends.  So, even though, I find my mother extremely annoying, I am definitely not going to say anything to her because that would be mean and petty. 

citadelle

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #29 on: February 18, 2013, 03:17:15 PM »
But if the OP's daughter is confused by her grandma's behavior, or feels hurt by it, then the OP should say something.

There is nothing in the OP that says the daughter has any reaction to the grandmother's behavior. It is OP who finds the laughter annoying. We don't know how the child feels, and if the mother knows how the child feels, she did not say.