Author Topic: Laughing at my child  (Read 9077 times)

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LeveeWoman

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #30 on: February 18, 2013, 04:08:28 PM »
But if the OP's daughter is confused by her grandma's behavior, or feels hurt by it, then the OP should say something.

There is nothing in the OP that says the daughter has any reaction to the grandmother's behavior. It is OP who finds the laughter annoying. We don't know how the child feels, and if the mother knows how the child feels, she did not say.

From the first post: DD was being serious when she said it, and she gave me a werid look when MIL laughed.

WillyNilly

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #31 on: February 18, 2013, 04:53:37 PM »
...Yesterday DD said 'if I don't eat all my dinner, I don't get any jelly'. MIL laughed till she almost had tears. Now I don't think there is anything funny about that statement... DD was being serious when she said it, and she gave me a werid look when MIL laughed...

To me this issue strikes me as you not having a very broad sense of humor and you confusing your child as much as your MIL is.  You don't think there is anything funny about a little kid saying they can't have any jelly?  What do you delight in?  I can't imagine an adult not thinking that was at least cute, if not all out funny.  Its a goofy sentence! And that you don't find anything funny about it and your MIL finding it hilarious is what is confusing your DD.  Perhaps as much as you want your MIL to ease up on the laughter, you too should increase your laughter so its more of a normal reaction for your DD to receive on a daily basis.

Everyone is different - some people are laughers and some people are more serious, and most people are in the middle.  None is more right or more wrong.  But it sounds like you and your MIL are complete opposite ends of the spectrum, and that - the total difference in your reactions -  is more the problem then her actual laughter.

Bluenomi

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #32 on: February 18, 2013, 05:43:26 PM »
...Yesterday DD said 'if I don't eat all my dinner, I don't get any jelly'. MIL laughed till she almost had tears. Now I don't think there is anything funny about that statement... DD was being serious when she said it, and she gave me a werid look when MIL laughed...

To me this issue strikes me as you not having a very broad sense of humor and you confusing your child as much as your MIL is.  You don't think there is anything funny about a little kid saying they can't have any jelly?  What do you delight in?  I can't imagine an adult not thinking that was at least cute, if not all out funny.  Its a goofy sentence! And that you don't find anything funny about it and your MIL finding it hilarious is what is confusing your DD.  Perhaps as much as you want your MIL to ease up on the laughter, you too should increase your laughter so its more of a normal reaction for your DD to receive on a daily basis.

Everyone is different - some people are laughers and some people are more serious, and most people are in the middle.  None is more right or more wrong.  But it sounds like you and your MIL are complete opposite ends of the spectrum, and that - the total difference in your reactions -  is more the problem then her actual laughter.

I find plenty of things funny, I do have a fairly broad sence of humor and laugh with my child all the time. I'm not an old stuck up humourless person thank you very much.

DD was being very serious at the time. We have issues with her eating and I was very proud of the fact that the rule of no dessert until you have eaten your dinner had sunk in and that she was proudly and seriously telling MIL that she knows the rule. It might be cute but it certainally isn't hilarious like MIL seemed to think. Mil knows she has issues at dinner time so that just seemed to make it even worse.

DD looked confused at why MIL was laughing, she knows it was a rule she was talking about and that normally when she says that to me and DH we praise her for knowing it. Clearly she didn't expect that reaction. She then walked off to do something else and didn't want to talk to MIL anymore after that. She was either offended or got bored or a combination of both. It's hard to tell with a 3 year old.

I would prefer it to stop so DD doesn't grow up thinking MIL is weird and not wanting to talk to her. She already favours my parents because they interact with her in a way she prefers and I'm trying not to widen the gap. I actually want to help her and MIL's relationship, not make it worse.

onyonryngs

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #33 on: February 18, 2013, 05:45:56 PM »
Yesterday DD said 'if I don't eat all my dinner, I don't get any jelly'. MIL laughed till she almost had tears. Now I don't think there is anything funny about that statement. It's just her repeating the rule in our house.

You may not find it cute, but it really is quite adorable, even if it's just repeating a rule.  I don't think you're humorless at all, but I do think you might be taking this one a bit too seriously.

Amava

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #34 on: February 18, 2013, 05:55:24 PM »
...Yesterday DD said 'if I don't eat all my dinner, I don't get any jelly'. MIL laughed till she almost had tears. Now I don't think there is anything funny about that statement... DD was being serious when she said it, and she gave me a werid look when MIL laughed...

To me this issue strikes me as you not having a very broad sense of humor and you confusing your child as much as your MIL is.  You don't think there is anything funny about a little kid saying they can't have any jelly?  What do you delight in?  I can't imagine an adult not thinking that was at least cute, if not all out funny.  Its a goofy sentence! And that you don't find anything funny about it and your MIL finding it hilarious is what is confusing your DD.  Perhaps as much as you want your MIL to ease up on the laughter, you too should increase your laughter so its more of a normal reaction for your DD to receive on a daily basis.

Everyone is different - some people are laughers and some people are more serious, and most people are in the middle.  None is more right or more wrong.  But it sounds like you and your MIL are complete opposite ends of the spectrum, and that - the total difference in your reactions -  is more the problem then her actual laughter.

I find plenty of things funny, I do have a fairly broad sence of humor and laugh with my child all the time. I'm not an old stuck up humourless person thank you very much.

DD was being very serious at the time. We have issues with her eating and I was very proud of the fact that the rule of no dessert until you have eaten your dinner had sunk in and that she was proudly and seriously telling MIL that she knows the rule. It might be cute but it certainally isn't hilarious like MIL seemed to think. Mil knows she has issues at dinner time so that just seemed to make it even worse.

DD looked confused at why MIL was laughing, she knows it was a rule she was talking about and that normally when she says that to me and DH we praise her for knowing it. Clearly she didn't expect that reaction. She then walked off to do something else and didn't want to talk to MIL anymore after that. She was either offended or got bored or a combination of both. It's hard to tell with a 3 year old.

I would prefer it to stop so DD doesn't grow up thinking MIL is weird and not wanting to talk to her. She already favours my parents because they interact with her in a way she prefers and I'm trying not to widen the gap. I actually want to help her and MIL's relationship, not make it worse.

I'm honestly not seeing what is funny about it either. I'm a little bit at a loss here. And I  laugh a /lot/ in iife!   :D

I stand by my previous post that you could just simply, sincerely ask "What is funny about that?", voicing both your own and your daughter's confusion. Don't ask it in a mean way,  don't accuse, don't judge, just honestly inquire.

BarensMom

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #35 on: February 18, 2013, 05:58:02 PM »
I think that you should clue your DH in on this one and have him talk to your MIL or at least be an united front with you to tell her to cut it out.  MIL laughing at everything your DD says or does seems disrespectful, almost like she's a performing animal that exists for MIL's enjoyment.

I remember being about 6-7 (much older than your DD) when I realized that my brother's evil wife (then girlfriend) was causing situations for me to fall into, then would laugh at my reaction.  The fact that my parents knew and did nothing caused quite a bit of resentment on my part.


Daffydilly

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #36 on: February 18, 2013, 06:05:23 PM »
It sounds like a good time to mention to your mil that you would appreciate DD to be treated with respect. She doesn't enjoy having someone laugh at her when she speaks. And you don't want to have your daughter grow uncomfortable with grandma treating her like a joke. I'd make steps to ensure your daughter is treated with respect.

-DD says something, Mil laughs, you say "Mil, we are teaching dd that she will be treated with respect when she talks to us. It makes us feel awkward to hear you laugh every time she says something. We would love to see you converse with her instead of laughing at her. Chatting with her will help her language skills and teach her that you do respect her."
-Mil can't stop laughing, physically remove DD from the room and make sure she understands that Grandma is not being respectful. But that you will make sure she is treated properly.
-Mil still can't control herself, end the visit and leave. She's acting like a toddler herself with her open amusement. That's something two year olds may do, adults control themselves and are responsible for their actions.

rose red

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #37 on: February 18, 2013, 06:13:45 PM »
Yesterday DD said 'if I don't eat all my dinner, I don't get any jelly'. MIL laughed till she almost had tears. Now I don't think there is anything funny about that statement. It's just her repeating the rule in our house.

You may not find it cute, but it really is quite adorable, even if it's just repeating a rule.  I don't think you're humorless at all, but I do think you might be taking this one a bit too seriously.

I assumed that was only one example.  It sounds like MIL laughs over every single thing DD says.  I can understand the OP's feelings and DD's puzzlement.  I have been known to involuntarily laugh sometimes when children are being perfectly serious, but not to the point of tears and not at every single thing that comes out of their mouths.  If this continues, the child is going to think her grandmother views her a silly person not to be taken seriously.  Even a small child notices when an adult keep repeating everything they say and then laugh and laugh.

Roe

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #38 on: February 18, 2013, 06:20:03 PM »
Yesterday DD said 'if I don't eat all my dinner, I don't get any jelly'. MIL laughed till she almost had tears. Now I don't think there is anything funny about that statement. It's just her repeating the rule in our house.

You may not find it cute, but it really is quite adorable, even if it's just repeating a rule.  I don't think you're humorless at all, but I do think you might be taking this one a bit too seriously.

I assumed that was only one example.  It sounds like MIL laughs over every single thing DD says.  I can understand the OP's feelings and DD's puzzlement.  I have been known to involuntarily laugh sometimes when children are being perfectly serious, but not to the point of tears and not at every single thing that comes out of their mouths.  If this continues, the child is going to think her grandmother views her a silly person not to be taken seriously.  Even a small child notices when an adult keep repeating everything they say and then laugh and laugh.

Pod.  When my oldest was born, my parents, DH's parents and my grandparents all thought everything he did was the bestest thing ever!  (which my son loved)  But had they laughed at every.little.thing.he.did to the point of tears, I could see him distancing himself from them.  That is just plain weird.

I can understand the grandmother giving a lil' chuckle or even laughing but laughing to the point of tears?  Every time?  It won't be long before the chlid feels disrespected. (she probably already does) And I wouldn't blame her one bit.

Texas Mom

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #39 on: February 18, 2013, 06:21:03 PM »
I think that you should clue your DH in on this one and have him talk to your MIL or at least be an united front with you to tell her to cut it out.  MIL laughing at everything your DD says or does seems disrespectful, almost like she's a performing animal that exists for MIL's enjoyment.

^
This

DH needs to take care of this matter with his mother.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #40 on: February 18, 2013, 06:35:02 PM »
It sounds like a good time to mention to your mil that you would appreciate DD to be treated with respect. She doesn't enjoy having someone laugh at her when she speaks. And you don't want to have your daughter grow uncomfortable with grandma treating her like a joke. I'd make steps to ensure your daughter is treated with respect.

-DD says something, Mil laughs, you say "Mil, we are teaching dd that she will be treated with respect when she talks to us. It makes us feel awkward to hear you laugh every time she says something. We would love to see you converse with her instead of laughing at her. Chatting with her will help her language skills and teach her that you do respect her."
-Mil can't stop laughing, physically remove DD from the room and make sure she understands that Grandma is not being respectful. But that you will make sure she is treated properly.
-Mil still can't control herself, end the visit and leave. She's acting like a toddler herself with her open amusement. That's something two year olds may do, adults control themselves and are responsible for their actions.

There's a time to laugh, and a time to be serious. Continually treating a little kid as if she's a joker is doing neither you nor the child a favor.

Auntie Mame

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #41 on: February 18, 2013, 07:07:47 PM »
...Yesterday DD said 'if I don't eat all my dinner, I don't get any jelly'. MIL laughed till she almost had tears. Now I don't think there is anything funny about that statement... DD was being serious when she said it, and she gave me a werid look when MIL laughed...

To me this issue strikes me as you not having a very broad sense of humor and you confusing your child as much as your MIL is.  You don't think there is anything funny about a little kid saying they can't have any jelly?  What do you delight in?  I can't imagine an adult not thinking that was at least cute, if not all out funny.  Its a goofy sentence! And that you don't find anything funny about it and your MIL finding it hilarious is what is confusing your DD.  Perhaps as much as you want your MIL to ease up on the laughter, you too should increase your laughter so its more of a normal reaction for your DD to receive on a daily basis.

Everyone is different - some people are laughers and some people are more serious, and most people are in the middle.  None is more right or more wrong.  But it sounds like you and your MIL are complete opposite ends of the spectrum, and that - the total difference in your reactions -  is more the problem then her actual laughter.

 ???

Not finding jelly funny = no sense of humor.  Okay....
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Bluenomi

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #42 on: February 18, 2013, 07:18:03 PM »
Yesterday DD said 'if I don't eat all my dinner, I don't get any jelly'. MIL laughed till she almost had tears. Now I don't think there is anything funny about that statement. It's just her repeating the rule in our house.

You may not find it cute, but it really is quite adorable, even if it's just repeating a rule.  I don't think you're humorless at all, but I do think you might be taking this one a bit too seriously.

I assumed that was only one example.  It sounds like MIL laughs over every single thing DD says.  I can understand the OP's feelings and DD's puzzlement.  I have been known to involuntarily laugh sometimes when children are being perfectly serious, but not to the point of tears and not at every single thing that comes out of their mouths.  If this continues, the child is going to think her grandmother views her a silly person not to be taken seriously.  Even a small child notices when an adult keep repeating everything they say and then laugh and laugh.

Pod.  When my oldest was born, my parents, DH's parents and my grandparents all thought everything he did was the bestest thing ever!  (which my son loved)  But had they laughed at every.little.thing.he.did to the point of tears, I could see him distancing himself from them.  That is just plain weird.

I can understand the grandmother giving a lil' chuckle or even laughing but laughing to the point of tears?  Every time?  It won't be long before the chlid feels disrespected. (she probably already does) And I wouldn't blame her one bit.

That is exactly my issue. I don't mind her enjoying talking to DD but when she finds everything funny it does get a bit odd.

I might have to try the confused 'why do you find that funny?' next time she laughs at something DD is being serious about. Or get DH to do it since it's his mother  ;D

rose red

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #43 on: February 18, 2013, 07:20:31 PM »
I assume where the OP is from, jelly is the word for dessert?  I don't find a child saying they have to finish their dinner or they don't get dessert very funny (IMO).  Just a very common statement, so that reaction is very strange.  A chuckle, I can understand.

Emmy

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Re: Laughing at my child
« Reply #44 on: February 18, 2013, 07:37:29 PM »
Yesterday DD said 'if I don't eat all my dinner, I don't get any jelly'. MIL laughed till she almost had tears. Now I don't think there is anything funny about that statement. It's just her repeating the rule in our house.

You may not find it cute, but it really is quite adorable, even if it's just repeating a rule.  I don't think you're humorless at all, but I do think you might be taking this one a bit too seriously.

I assumed that was only one example.  It sounds like MIL laughs over every single thing DD says.  I can understand the OP's feelings and DD's puzzlement.  I have been known to involuntarily laugh sometimes when children are being perfectly serious, but not to the point of tears and not at every single thing that comes out of their mouths.  If this continues, the child is going to think her grandmother views her a silly person not to be taken seriously.  Even a small child notices when an adult keep repeating everything they say and then laugh and laugh.

Pod.  When my oldest was born, my parents, DH's parents and my grandparents all thought everything he did was the bestest thing ever!  (which my son loved)  But had they laughed at every.little.thing.he.did to the point of tears, I could see him distancing himself from them.  That is just plain weird.

I can understand the grandmother giving a lil' chuckle or even laughing but laughing to the point of tears?  Every time?  It won't be long before the chlid feels disrespected. (she probably already does) And I wouldn't blame her one bit.

I agree with this.  I know many people have said the MIL is just delighting in her grand daughter and criticizing the way she interacts would make her uncomfortable.  I would agree if she was smiling or giving a little chuckle, but it sounds like she is laughing to the point of tears at every.single.thing her granddaughter says.  Does MIL even try to have a conversation with your DD or does she just laugh hysterically when your DD makes a statement? 

I do think it is important the grandmother enjoys her interaction with her grandchild, but not at the expense of the enjoyment of the child.  I like the suggestion of other posters to explain to granddaughter that MIL laughs because she loves her so much and she brings so much joy.  I think you or DH could talk with MIL and gently let her know that granddaughter was trying to make a serious statement and she feels that MIL is laughing at her.  I don't think children are mini-adults, but I do think it is important to be respectful of their feelings and not treat them as a source of amusement simply because they are children. 

I also thought what the OP's DD said was cute.  I certainly don't think it was funny to the point of laughing to the point of tears.