Author Topic: Should I say something?  (Read 12315 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

LadyL

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2896
Re: Should I say something?
« Reply #60 on: March 14, 2013, 10:56:41 AM »
Nyachan...I agree that I have said it enough and will say no more, but I do know that the kids go to the annual well visits and that is it.  They are not proactive because I have in the past made suggestions for enrichment camps for the older boy (who is extremely smart but needs some challenging) with phone numbers and scholarship info and they didn't do anything.  They said he was fine staying with Grandma all day.  I have told them about the free days they have at the local zoo and museums and they said they didn't feel like it because they were tired.  They are just very lackadaisical about going above basic parenting.  They love them, there is no doubt, but as long as they are clean, fed, have a roof over their heads and the boy has his homework done, they are happy.

I think you're overstepping in the example above.

It's not up to you to suggest to them how to raise their kids.

And this is very probably why they're beandipping you now about the other issue.

I disagree that she is suggesting how they raise their kids. Recommending a free program is similar to telling someone "there's a great sale on peaches at XYZ mart" - it's providing information. If the OP said "your son seems bored, you really should send him to enrichment camp" that would be rude. But just passing along the info is not rude IMHO.

Sheila Take a Bow

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 780
  • Formerly arija but I felt like a name change.
Re: Should I say something?
« Reply #61 on: March 14, 2013, 12:54:19 PM »
Nyachan...I agree that I have said it enough and will say no more, but I do know that the kids go to the annual well visits and that is it.  They are not proactive because I have in the past made suggestions for enrichment camps for the older boy (who is extremely smart but needs some challenging) with phone numbers and scholarship info and they didn't do anything.  They said he was fine staying with Grandma all day.  I have told them about the free days they have at the local zoo and museums and they said they didn't feel like it because they were tired.  They are just very lackadaisical about going above basic parenting.  They love them, there is no doubt, but as long as they are clean, fed, have a roof over their heads and the boy has his homework done, they are happy.

I think you're overstepping in the example above.

It's not up to you to suggest to them how to raise their kids.

And this is very probably why they're beandipping you now about the other issue.

I agree with this.

Providing information is one thing, but when you do it all the time it becomes badgering.

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: Should I say something?
« Reply #62 on: March 14, 2013, 06:22:34 PM »
Thank you to all of the opinions.  I was supposed to watch the girl today (I had to switch from yesterday as my DD was ill) and she was never brought over or did I receive a call, so I guess I am done.  I was doing it as a favor, so I was not counting on the $15 I made for anything.  And as far as the info I pass along, it is things I do with my kids, and I always get a listing in April with summer camps and scholarship info, so last year before school was out, I told her I had summer camp/scholarship info if she wanted to look at it and she said "no, he is fine with my mom".  I let it go.  I tell her when the free days are throughout the year just in case they would like to go but they are always too tired.  This is the same info I pass on and have passed on to me by other moms so I didn't feel that it was intrusive but I won't be passing it to her anymore because it is not anything they care to do (altho her DS is always whining he is bored all summer :P)

Gyburc

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1779
Re: Should I say something?
« Reply #63 on: March 15, 2013, 06:42:59 AM »
*inviteseller, I'm sorry to say that the last couple of updates have persuaded me that you probably shouldn't raise the issue again, if you do end up babysitting the little girl in future. Very unfortunately, it sounds as if the family have got used to 'tuning out' your advice to the extent that they are not willing to listen to your valid concerns about the girl's speech problems.

I hope very much that when she gets to kindergarten, the teachers will raise the issue and the family will pay attention.

(Toots, yes I do see your point, but I did think the safety issue was important too...)
When you look into the photocopier, the photocopier also looks into you

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8153
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: Should I say something?
« Reply #64 on: March 15, 2013, 09:56:36 AM »
Once the child involved is enrolled in public school, they will have to enroll her in speech therapy. I guess they don't see the appeal of early intervention rather than being told by a government entity.

Cami

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1307
Re: Should I say something?
« Reply #65 on: March 15, 2013, 10:57:37 AM »
Once the child involved is enrolled in public school, they will have to enroll her in speech therapy. I guess they don't see the appeal of early intervention rather than being told by a government entity.
  Can the school force parents to accept speech therapy for their child if they refuse? At least in the case of my relative, the school could (or did) not.

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8153
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: Should I say something?
« Reply #66 on: March 15, 2013, 12:07:04 PM »
If the parents are not willing to sign for therapy, the state agency for child services is involved. I have seen two cases here where it was court ordered and a social worker supervised the families for compliance.

camlan

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8726
Re: Should I say something?
« Reply #67 on: March 15, 2013, 12:13:05 PM »
If the parents are not willing to sign for therapy, the state agency for child services is involved. I have seen two cases here where it was court ordered and a social worker supervised the families for compliance.

In some states, pediatricians are mandated reporters. I know of one little girl who couldn't talk and clearly had some other issues. Her parents just said, "That's the way she is. There's nothing that can be done." While her grandparents, aunts, uncles and everyone they knew kept pushing them to get the child evaluated. Their plan for their daughter's future was that her older sister would just have to take care of her.

But her pediatrician noticed the speaking delay when she was about 2, and some other things. For about 6 months, he just recommended that they contact Early Intervention services in their state. When they didn't do that, he flat out told them that if they didn't get their daughter evaluated, he would have no choice but to report them to Child Welfare.

It took that threat to get the parents to do anything. Now the little girl has hearing aids and is learning sign language and getting speech therapy. She no longer throws major temper tantrums, because she can make herself understood. The parents aren't learning much sign language, but her older sister is, and can interpret for her, when her spoken language isn't clear enough. 
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8153
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: Should I say something?
« Reply #68 on: March 15, 2013, 12:24:55 PM »
In my state, pre-kindergarten at age 4 is paid for by the state and federal governments. It is voluntary for registration, but the speech problem would be noticed in that situation as well.

Lynda_34

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1147
Re: Should I say something?
« Reply #69 on: March 15, 2013, 12:34:55 PM »
I've not read the whole thread, I will but I just wanted to add a personal experience.

When my son ws about 5 he had two friends 4 and 3 who would come over for play dates. Their mother and I were good friends and would get together at least once a week.  The kids did boy stuff and let off steam, she and I would sit and visit or one of us would take all three while the other did something else.

I would only take the two boys together since the younger one had some developmental issues including a speech problem.  The older boy understood what his younger brother was saying and would interpret.  P would say something I'd ask his brother what he'd said and we would all continue whatever we were doing and P's needs were met.

My friend commented that I was the only friend we knew who would take both boys at once.  Most friends usually just took the older one.

All three of them are adults now, P had gotten appropriate therapy when he needed it and all three are still friends and in touch with each other.

I'd do whatever I could including alerting the school to the needs of this child.  If the parents aren't willing to seek extra help maybe something could be done during regular school hours, or in an after school program.

Pen^2

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1107
Re: Should I say something?
« Reply #70 on: March 15, 2013, 11:46:21 PM »
It's sad that, barring a threat or court order, a lot of parents will not address their children's basic health or needs. There's being ignorant (honestly not realising they are permanently denying their children quality of life) and then there's not actually caring that much (being given information and offered help but still refusing to think about it and hopefully help the children).

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: Should I say something?
« Reply #71 on: March 16, 2013, 09:35:14 AM »
Our district doesn't have pre K, but in the last few years they have revamped curriculum and taken our Kindergarten to full day, and it is called the new first grade.  Even though she is intelligent she will struggle with it if she can't talk (not to mention social issues due to never being around kids her own age).  The teachers do make the recommendations for speech, but the parent has to sign releases and I don't know what would be done if they would choose not to.  I know when it was suggested my step nephew get some testing for learning disabilities, my sis in law said no and the school did not pursue it.  As far as the dr, I know I have a pediatrician who is on top of things and listens to concerns and watches for appropriate developmental milestones.  Unfortunately, they go to the GP she works for for just basic well visits (shots, height, weight).  And yes, I have suggested my pediatrician, simply for the fact of how close he is to our house but she said they were fine because the kids only go for their shots so she was ok.   It saddens me that something so simple to address is just being waved off but to say anything more is just going to be talking to a wall, so I will sit back and hope they have an epiphany and do something.