Family Photo...Help!

[CrochetFanatic]

I hate having my picture taken.  No, I mean, I really hate it.  I never look "right", or I blink, and I just get really anxious.  I hate it.  I literally hide from the camera if I see it.

I just found out today that my aunt emailed my dad and said that my cousin, who is getting married very soon, is having a family photo taken that day.  We're all expected to be in it, and I'm (unreasonably, I realize) angry.  We never see them, and I don't want to be photographed.  However, I also don't want to make waves or be talked about, which is sure to happen.

Should I suck it up and just keep quiet about it, or is there a polite way to bring it up?

[MrTango]

I think you'd be just fine with a combination of "Why would I want to do that?" and "No."

[gramma dishes]

You certainly have my sympathies because I share your abhorrence of having my picture taken.  That woman I see in the mirror in my own house with my own lighting never resembles even remotely that ugly woman that always appears in pictures  -- the one that other people identify as being me.

I assume from your post that this family portrait is going to be taken on the day of the wedding?  If so, take heart that there will be so many people in this picture that all of you are going to look teeny tiny and barely distinguishable from one another.  You will also be dressed nicely and have on whatever kind of makeup and the hairdo you wear to such an event, so you'll look good. 

You probably already know which side is your 'best' side, so arrange to stand where  you can turn your face ever so slightly so that your 'good' side is the one that is visible. 

And you can try for standing a couple of rows back too.

If it all goes to hell in a handbasket for you that day and you get a huge outcropping of giant pimples and big chunks of your hair fell out and a tooth got broken as you were getting out of your car and someone drove by and splashed mud up all over your dress, then get in line, smile brightly and just as you know the photographer is going to release the shutter, duck behind the tallest person there.

Hope this helps!   

[*inviteseller]

I feel your pain...I always look like I just finished a fifth of Jack Daniels in pictures.  I have honestly never taken a good picture and I avoid cameras as much as possible.  But in this case, they want a picture for the wedding, so I would try to blend in in the back behind someone who is tall .  It is one pic and if it is a family pic, they tend to not be close ups in order to get everyone  so you should be ok. 

[Dandy Andy's Daddy's Love]

I think you should suck it up and keep quiet. Wanting pictures of people is not unreasonable and I think if you were to truly think about it you would realize that just going along with it isn't going to cost you anything.

[CrochetFanatic]

Thanks.   

Yeah, as far as I know, it will be taken on the day of the wedding.  Most likely, I'll just stay quiet and put up with it.  We never really see them, but we're still on good terms, and I don't want to either hurt her feelings or be talked about for years to come as "the ogre who ruined her cousin's wedding".  Being "forced" to have my picture taken almost sends me into a panic attack, but I like the way it was put here.  Big group, no one but the bride and groom standing out. 

My mother isn't too thrilled about it either, so at least I'm not the only one! 

[rose red]

I hate having my picture taken too.  My family is huge and I just blended in the crowd so it's not as bad as individual or small group pictures.  If it makes you feel better, everybody will be searching for their own face in the picture and probably just skim over yours whenever they look at it.

[Lynn2000]

On the one hand, I don't think it's unreasonable for family to want to have group photos taken. (I'd feel differently if someone was demanding multiple professional pictures of just you.) And as someone else said, if you're there for the wedding you'll probably be trying to look good anyway, and there will be so many other people in the photo that you'll kind of just blend in. Plus, I personally think no one is as critical of photos of me as I am myself (er, did that make sense?)--I mean, I've noticed that when I look at a photo of myself, all I see is the flaws, and other people like it. And the same with others--if my mom looks at a photo of herself, she'll immediately criticize it, while I think it looks fine.

All that being said, you are an adult and you simply don't have to be in the photo if you don't want to. I've always thought that was a nice thing about being an adult, that I can now choose to do this or that, or not, as long as I express my choice politely. I wouldn't talk about it at all beforehand, just smile and nod when the photo comes up. Find out the organizational plans--when the photo will be taken and where. Then, at the appointed time, vanish. Find a distant ladies' room, go out to your car, walk around the block, whatever works for you. If there's someone left behind that you can absolutely trust, have them text you when the photo is over. If not, I would give it a good half hour at least. Then come back and act normal. Determine what the likely reaction will be--will people chide you?--and prepare, perhaps with a good explanation (that might be a white lie).

[amylouky]

I almost always look awful in pictures, too. In the past I've always run from cameras, and I still do when someone tries to take my picture while eating or in a bathing suit.
But two things help me get over the "ack, camera" panic. One, a friend told me that no one else is going to be nearly as interested in how I look in a picture as I am. To them, it's just the way I look.. they're not going to pick up on a hair out of place, or puffier than usual eyes.
Second, I read a thing (might have been posted here?) about the importance of taking pictures with your kids (might not be applicable here) so that they will have the pics in later life to remember the good times by.. even if you don't look your best.
I have a "whole-family" pic taken a couple of years ago.. well, it's really just me and my sisters and kids, but that's still 20+ people. I look like something the cat puked up in the picture, because I had JUST gotten out of the hot tub and thrown on my shorts & t-shirt (still have the towel on my shoulders). It's one of my favorite pictures, because it's one of the few times we actually were all together.
I think you should try to find a way to wrap your mind around being in the picture. Good luck!

[Sharnita]

I think disappearing for a half an hour will jist keep evryone waiting and looking.  If you can't suck it up then don't attend at all.

[Thipu1]

As someone whose pictures always look like either a DUI mugshot or something newly risen from the grave, I can sympathize. However, I suggest you bite the bullet and do it. 

There will be a large number of people in the picture and there are sure to be others who feel they look even worse than you do in the finished project. 

You won't have to display the thing in your home.  It can be forgotten fairly easily. 

[Lynn2000]

I think disappearing for a half an hour will jist keep evryone waiting and looking.  If you can't suck it up then don't attend at all.

Eh, see, in my family it's really like herding cats. It would take so long to get everyone else organized for the photo that the few people looking around for me wouldn't delay the thing at all, and in the end they'd decide to cut their losses and take the photo before anyone else got away. But, that strategy might not work with a different family structure... like in The Godfather when he stops the family photo at Connie's wedding because Michael isn't there yet, then manages to reconvene them all later once Michael arrives. You'd never get a second chance like that in my family.

[onyonryngs]

Look on the bright side - at weddings your photo WILL be taken.  You will be in a candid shot or many unless you hide out in the restroom though the entire thing.  This way you get to chose your pose and facial expression.  There are wedding photos of me floating about where they caught me dancing & I look like a dying pelican.  Don't even get me started on the video (someone really should've put the pelican out of its misery).

[guihong]

I look exactly the same in any photograph-like I've swallowed a lemon  .  So  I get it.

OTOH, I try to think of it this way: Years from now, a Fanatic family descendant may come across that picture, and say "Oh, here's a picture of great-aunt Crochet at so and so's wedding".  It's a historical record.  I treasure my family pictures, even if the people look ready to bite my head off (or look like the old-fashioned lady who used to be on the front of the site  )

[Sharnita]

I think we have two photos of my grandfather from my sisyer's wedding. He died shortly after. I am not with him in either photo. I do not particularly like looking at pictures of myself but I would have loved to have one more picture with him. Losing family members has changed how I feel about family photos, to some degree.