Family Photo...Help!

[TurtleDove]

I think you should suck it up and try to get over your hang-up with photographs for the reasons other posters stated upthread.  But, if for whatever reason you don't want to or can't, just say you don't want to be in the photo.  I wouldn't just disappear - I would be direct about it.  But I think it would be unreasonable to expect your family to not think it strange or for this to become a big deal.  Good luck, and I am almost positive that your family would love for you to be in the photo and will think you look great because you are YOU.

[Specky]

I left my sister's wedding immediately after the ceremony specifically to avoid being in photos. You have my total sympathy.

[auntmeegs]

This probably won't be as bad as you think.  If its a big family shot you can probably get away with sort of half-hiding behind someone else in the group. 

[Venus193]

You have my total sympathy.  Can you disappear when you see the photographer or (if the pro wasn't engaged for this) volunteer to take the picture?

[peach2play]

Perhaps a bit more of an extreme example, but I have exactly two pictures of my fiancee and myself together...total.  We always thought we'd have time to take more and I think a bunch were lost in the format of a computer or two.  Then he was gone, and I couldn't take anymore.  You may hate photos, but this isn't just for you.  I know it's hard but think of the joy you will bring your family when they look at that picture and see that you were there.  *hugs* you can do it.  Remember, they love you for who you are, not how you look.

[Thipu1]

Some years ago, a big panoramic photo was taken at the Thanksgiving feast.  Since there were 22 people at the table" this was quite a feat

A few years ago, I brought a copy to the family gathering.  SIL said, 'Who's that woman sitting next to Thipu?  I don't recognize her at all'.

Her DIL piped up and said she was that woman.   

'No, you aren't.

'Yes, I am.  I remember when it was taken'. 

These two see each other several times a week.  You never know how photographs will be interpreted 15 years down the line. 

Relax. Remember that it isn't a formal portrait of you and have a good snort before the picture is taken.     

[fluffy]

I left my sister's wedding immediately after the ceremony specifically to avoid being in photos. You have my total sympathy.

How did your sister react? If one of my sisters had done that at my wedding, I would have been really, really hurt.

[LifeOnPluto]

In my region, it's very common for formal "group photos" to be taken at weddings. It's a memento for the HC, of all their guests who were able to attend. I think in this case, it would be rude to refuse to participate. As PPs have said, you'll probably be one face among many, anyway.

I left my sister's wedding immediately after the ceremony specifically to avoid being in photos. You have my total sympathy.

How did your sister react? If one of my sisters had done that at my wedding, I would have been really, really hurt.

Me too.

[Allyson]

I think dynamics matter as well as the degree of your aversion. In some families, saying 'argh, being in photos gives me major panic attacks, please let me skip it!' would be accepted just fine. In others, it'd cause major drama. Same with disappearing for the picture. Personally, I would hate to cause someone this type of anxiety by wanting a family photo, so I'd hope they would tell me. The idea I'm unknowingly making someone upset and resentful causes *me* anxiety!

You definitely don't have to be in the picture. But you want to avoid making the situation All About You, wherein you draw more attention to yourself by insisting you won't be in it no matter what, effectively making yourself the centre of attention about the photo.

And I think if you're in a situation where you really truly cannot deal with being in the picture, but you know you won't be able to get out of it without potentially making world war three....fake a sudden stomach ailment right before picture time.

[Rosewater]

Either go along with it or don't attend the wedding at least that's how I look at it.  I think if you do go and refuse to be in the pic a huge fuss is going to be made and you will probably be put on the spot by several people trying to bully you into doing it, at least that's how I see it playing out.  Remember emotions in some are already going to be at a fever pitch because of the wedding.  I just don't see most families accepting a simple "no thank you" at face value and just quietly going on with the plans without you.  The drama from your refusal could be huge, awkward and ghastly depending on how determined others are to have their own way in the situation.

There is nothing wrong with standing your ground and refusing to be in the picture, but only you know how big the fallout may be from doing so.  Of course the people here know there is nothing wrong with your refusal to pose, however it's very possible the rest of your family does not see things this way at all.

Is it possible for you to speak with any particular person beforehand about the situation and to let them know you won't be including yourself in the picture?  An allay of sorts?

This just smells to me of being an unwelcome set up for a lot of people, you go expecting to be a wedding guest but SURPRISE we're going to take a group photo now (insert cheesy smile).  I would feel ambushed and I know a lot of people hate that sort of thing.

[cicero]

<snip>
All that being said, you are an adult and you simply don't have to be in the photo if you don't want to. I've always thought that was a nice thing about being an adult, that I can now choose to do this or that, or not, as long as I express my choice politely. I wouldn't talk about it at all beforehand, just smile and nod when the photo comes up. Find out the organizational plans--when the photo will be taken and where. Then, at the appointed time, vanish. Find a distant ladies' room, go out to your car, walk around the block, whatever works for you.

I don't think this is ok. she is an adult and part of participating at a family wedding is saying hi to relatives you may or may not love, cooing over ugly babies, wearing a dress and uncomfortable shoes, and yes, the dreaded "family photo shoot" which results in a picture that you will probably *never* see (I have still not seen *one* photo from my nieces bat mistva. niece who is getting married in a few weeks... maybe they'll show a slide show at the wedding?). OP is aware that there will be a photo taken - i think that disappearing around the time of the photo taking is rude.

Do what i do - hide behind people, smile, and hope for the best.

[Perfect Circle]

I am the opposite of photogenic and don't particularly like my picture taken. However having a group photo of the family is somewhat different than an individual shot and I think if you are going to go, you should take part in that - it's clearly something the couple wishes to have done and they have given you notice. Every family wedding I've been to has had one of these taken and while not thrilled I will suck it up and stand next to my family for the sake of a photographic memory someone will treasure.

[CrochetFanatic]

*deep breath* Okay.  I'm going to do it.  They didn't really spring it on us, at least not on the day of the wedding, so there's still time to "get used to the idea".  I think when I heard about it, it sort of sent me into a "pre-panic".

Thanks for all of your input, it really helped a lot!

[scotcat60]

*deep breath* Okay.  I'm going to do it

Good for you. It won't take long in the wider scheme of things, and it will remind people of you. You don't have to have a copy or look at it yourself. As Cicero said, hide behind people, smile and hope for the best.

My old boss wanted a photo of all her staff members, and we all lined up, but one girl  said "Oh I break cameras, I don't like having my photo taken!" and deliberately put her hands in front of her face. What should have been a photo of us all together, no matter how we looked, and believe me, I'm not all that photogenic either, was spoiled by her attitude.

[delabela]

*deep breath* Okay.  I'm going to do it

Good for you. It won't take long in the wider scheme of things, and it will remind people of you. You don't have to have a copy or look at it yourself. As Cicero said, hide behind people, smile and hope for the best.

My old boss wanted a photo of all her staff members, and we all lined up, but one girl  said "Oh I break cameras, I don't like having my photo taken!" and deliberately put her hands in front of her face. What should have been a photo of us all together, no matter how we looked, and believe me, I'm not all that photogenic either, was spoiled by her attitude.

I agree with this - yes, we're all adults, and ideally have absolute control over being in pictures.  But a picture isn't really about if you like how you look - it's about the shared experience and memories.  I seriously doubt that in 10 years someone will sit and look at this picture and focus on Aunt Edna's hair or the bags under Cousin Billy's eyes.  They'll think how nice it was to be all together.

So good for you!