General Etiquette > Family and Children

Was I rude to cut off the topic?

<< < (2/3) > >>

Danika:
I agree with the others. And I had a similar relationship with my parents while my paternal grandmother (who lived to be 92) was alive. FWIW, now, my parents are cut off.

I agree that you were not rude. She was rude and pushy in persisting to discuss the topic.  I think before your next interaction with her, your DH should warn her in advance that he doesn't want to discuss his father, his father's wife, his father's new car, his father's favorite toothpaste, anything to do with his father at all. And I agree with the others that you and DH should end the visit or phone call as soon as she brings it up, is warned, and continues.

YummyMummy66:
No, you were not rude.

I think that the next time you take grandmom out to eat, you might have to be a little bit more blunt.

Dh needs to stand up for himself and his feelings.  Grandma, I have asked you continually not to mention dad.  I don't care about his wife, his future, nada and I have told you why.  I simply refuse to engage any futher in his toxic behavior and I am done.  If you continue to not respect my wishes, than I am sorry to say, that this will be the last time we take you out to eat.

Or, he can start with the above, and after the why part, if Grandma continues, signal the waiter, get your meals boxed to go and take Grandma home.  After a few times of this, I think Grandma will learn to respect your wishes.

Dalek:
Voting not rude.

Zilla:
I think you need to let your dh say it so that he can once and for all nip it in the bud.  Since it's coming from you, she was miffed and once again showed how determined she was NOT to respect the boundary by asking your dh what was wrong with you instead of knowing full well why. (since you have said it numerous times before)


At the very next mention of the father's wife your husband needs to tell her firmly, "Grandmother, I love you and want to spend time with you.  But as stated before, I do not want to hear about my father or his family.  Please respect my wishes so that we may continue to enjoy our outings together.  Now, did you hear about what happened last night with dd?" and change the subject.  If she persists, then ask for the waiter to bring to go boxes and cut the dinner short.  She will get that you guys aren't going to allow her to continue being coy.

Mikayla:

--- Quote from: Zilla on February 20, 2013, 11:40:09 AM ---I think you need to let your dh say it so that he can once and for all nip it in the bud.  Since it's coming from you, she was miffed and once again showed how determined she was NOT to respect the boundary by asking your dh what was wrong with you instead of knowing full well why. (since you have said it numerous times before)


At the very next mention of the father's wife your husband needs to tell her firmly, "Grandmother, I love you and want to spend time with you.  But as stated before, I do not want to hear about my father or his family.  Please respect my wishes so that we may continue to enjoy our outings together.  Do I have your promise  that you will not bring him up, directly or indirectly? Now, did you hear about what happened last night with dd?" and change the subject.  If she persists, then ask for the waiter to bring to go boxes and cut the dinner short.  She will get that you guys aren't going to allow her to continue being coy.

--- End quote ---

If you'll let me add one sentence, I agree with all of this!

It's important, I think, because this is a pattern of behavior and prior comments have been ignored. So if he decides to be direct, I think he needs to follow it to its conclusion.  Otherwise, it's not much different than what he's tried in the past. 

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page

Go to full version