Am I rude for not shoveling the driveway?

[squeakers]

There's no such thing as weeds - just flowers some people don't admire.

*offers Secretrebel a wheelbarrow full of porcelain berry vines, bermuda grass, English/Irish  ivy, greenbriar, sumac, mulberries, and some other danged things that I don't know the name of* 

 

Porcelain berry vine is edible, mulberries are edible, sumac is edible,  and the others are edible by animals.

Yes, they are all edible by birds and animals (including the ivy).  And I swear every single seed popped out the other ends of the birds and animals sprouts, aided by its handy supply of fertilizer.  I made the mistake of letting the first porcelain berry vine live because the berries were pretty.  Now, I'm constantly killing trying to kill them off.

The three I mention as just edible are edible by people. I've had sumac lemonade and it was quite good.

[Lady Snowdon]

I will throw in some buckthorn and some purple loosestrife to the weed pile.  I lost my taste for the pretty wild morning glory after I saw how it killed a bed of juniper bushes, tried to grow under the siding of a house, and had started crumbling the concrete of a foundation.  The stuff is way too invasive and is entirely too hard to kill. 

[LadyClaire]

There's no such thing as weeds - just flowers some people don't admire.

*offers Secretrebel a wheelbarrow full of porcelain berry vines, bermuda grass, English/Irish  ivy, greenbriar, sumac, mulberries, and some other danged things that I don't know the name of* 

 

Porcelain berry vine is edible, mulberries are edible, sumac is edible,  and the others are edible by animals.

Yes, they are all edible by birds and animals (including the ivy).  And I swear every single seed popped out the other ends of the birds and animals sprouts, aided by its handy supply of fertilizer.  I made the mistake of letting the first porcelain berry vine live because the berries were pretty.  Now, I'm constantly killing trying to kill them off.

The three I mention as just edible are edible by people. I've had sumac lemonade and it was quite good.

Unless it's poison sumac. Then you're in for a nasty, worse than poison ivy rash if you touch it, and possible death if you eat it.

Luckily that stuff has a much more limited growing region than regular old sumac does.

[rashea]

There's no such thing as weeds - just flowers some people don't admire.

*offers Secretrebel a wheelbarrow full of porcelain berry vines, bermuda grass, English/Irish  ivy, greenbriar, sumac, mulberries, and some other danged things that I don't know the name of* 

 

Porcelain berry vine is edible, mulberries are edible, sumac is edible,  and the others are edible by animals.

Yes, they are all edible by birds and animals (including the ivy).  And I swear every single seed popped out the other ends of the birds and animals sprouts, aided by its handy supply of fertilizer.  I made the mistake of letting the first porcelain berry vine live because the berries were pretty.  Now, I'm constantly killing trying to kill them off.

The three I mention as just edible are edible by people. I've had sumac lemonade and it was quite good.

Makes a gorgeous wine as well.

OP, I think you might be feeling ganged up on here. You essentially have a roommate situation on the outside of the house. I think you need to negotiate it from that point of view. I don't see shoveling snow before work as an unreasonable expectation if it won't melt by the time you get home.

[fluffy]

If everyone in your life has "unreasonable" expectations about the chores necessary to maintain a house, it might be worth thinking about whether the common denominator in all of this is you.

I would happily let the laundry pile up until I ran out of socks. And, even then, I've been known to go out and buy more socks. But I had to change my laundry habits, because they were driving my husband crazy. He didn't want to be overrun by a mountain of clothes, so he was doing all of the laundry. And I never thought to do it when I had a drawer full of clean socks! If I lived on my own, I could let the laundry pile up to my hearts content, but I share space with my husband and it wouldn't be fair of me to negatively impact his life with my bad habits. I still don't do laundry as frequently as he might like, but I do it at least once a week.

Sharing space with other people means compromising with them.

Do you do any maintenance around the townhouse that Tom doesn't do? Because, from the way you're describing it, he does all of the winter maintenance and all of the summer maintenance. And, quite frankly, that would drive me nuts. It's nice that you help out with childcare from time to time, but shoveling and mowing the lawn are a far more unpleasant chore, and they tend to take a fairly large time commitment.

I think that the 4 of you need to sit down and hash out a compromise. Maybe you don't mow the lawn once a week, but you should be able to mow it every other week. And if you eat their veggies, you should be helping with the garden boxes. If you hate gardening, maybe you could pickle and/or can the extras? And I would alternate shoveling every other snow storm.

[Moray]

Honestly,  after reading the OP's update, it just seems that her and BF have no desire to keep the property up.  And they are vilifying BIL for expecting they (or at least the other owner of the property) do his fair share.  You moved in with your BF to get away from your mom and in your words, unreasonable chores, and you are complaining again about unreasonable chores.  To me, they are not unreasonable, they are part of adult home ownership. You don't have to tend to their 'fussy ' garden but mowing the lawn is a fact of life.   No, you are not an owner, but as you reside there with the owner, someone needs to step up and quit making BIL the villain for not wanted an eyesore of a yard (that can bring some pets no one wants) or snow to just sit there.  You don't want to get up early because you don't like to, who does on cold mornings, but trade off times to do it in the sake of harmony.  And if it really is not your cup of tea to help with the upkeep of the house, I would suggest moving into a maintenance free condo or apartment.  I would like to know if your BF's sis knew going into this joint purchase if she knew his views on yard maintenance?

Pod. None of what is being asked for is that unreasonable.

[postalslave]

Honestly,  after reading the OP's update, it just seems that her and BF have no desire to keep the property up.  And they are vilifying BIL for expecting they (or at least the other owner of the property) do his fair share.  You moved in with your BF to get away from your mom and in your words, unreasonable chores, and you are complaining again about unreasonable chores.  To me, they are not unreasonable, they are part of adult home ownership. You don't have to tend to their 'fussy ' garden but mowing the lawn is a fact of life.   No, you are not an owner, but as you reside there with the owner, someone needs to step up and quit making BIL the villain for not wanted an eyesore of a yard (that can bring some pets no one wants) or snow to just sit there.  You don't want to get up early because you don't like to, who does on cold mornings, but trade off times to do it in the sake of harmony.  And if it really is not your cup of tea to help with the upkeep of the house, I would suggest moving into a maintenance free condo or apartment.  I would like to know if your BF's sis knew going into this joint purchase if she knew his views on yard maintenance?

Cass I've read all your posts on this matter and I must agree with inviteseller on this one.

Sorry bud, this is adulthood.

[camlan]

While I don't think the OP is herself rude not to shovel snow at 6:30 am, I do think that both her BF and the OP are responsible for *some* of the upkeep of the shared yard and driveway.

They need to sit down with the sister and BIL and work out a reasonable compromise on all yard and garden tasks. This will probably mean more shoveling and mowing than the OP is happy with, and less than the BIL and sister want.

I don't see why the OP should be in any way responsible for the flowers and the vegetables, as those are a choice the sister and her husband are making, but the lawn needs to be mowed. Whether the OP mows it, her BF mows it or they pay someone else to mow it, it needs to be done more than twice a summer. And while meadows full of wildflowers are beautiful, I doubt a lawn gone to seed has the same beauty or variety of flowers and color.

The shoveling issue is harder to resolve, because it can't be put on a schedule the way mowing can. But the OP and her BF are getting the benefits of a nicely shoveled driveway, but not doing any of the work. Very few people enjoy getting up early and heading out into the cold and dark to shovel.

But either the OP and her BF shovel, or they pay someone to shovel, or they take over some other task that needs to be done.

It does seem that the OP and her BF would be happier in a living situation that doesn't require outside chores, however. I suspect that the yard work issue will be a problem as long as they remain sharing a duplex with the sister and her husband.

[Twik]

It does seem that the OP and her BF would be happier in a living situation that doesn't require outside chores, however. I suspect that the yard work issue will be a problem as long as they remain sharing a duplex with the sister and her husband.

I agree. This isn't a character flaw, it's just a different set of priorities. But sharing a property with someone who does make outdoor maintenance a priority is probably not going to work well. At best, it'll be a common cause of petty frustration for one or the other set of inhabitants.