The "extra" swimsuit....

[gramma dishes]

Just out of curiosity, does she ever contribute gas money or any of the other expenses that seem to fall to you and you alone?

You pick her up.  Apparently sometimes you agree to outings that include her children and taking them places you would not likely go yourself.  She never "remembers" to bring her own suit.  She tries to 'guilt' you into not enjoying the pool on those occasions when she has no suit available because she "forgot" hers. 

Just exactly what does she bring to the table?  It sounds like this is a totally lopsided 'friendship'.  Everything is for her and her convenience and you are just the transportation and supplier of necessities. 

Given that she also has a history of never returning anything you've loaned her, I don't understand why you need this particular, specific, uneven friendship. 

[snowdragon]

Just out of curiosity, does she ever contribute gas money or any of the other expenses that seem to fall to you and you alone?

You pick her up.  Apparently sometimes you agree to outings that include her children and taking them places you would not likely go yourself.  She never "remembers" to bring her own suit.  She tries to 'guilt' you into not enjoying the pool on those occasions when she has no suit available because she "forgot" hers. 

Just exactly what does she bring to the table?  It sounds like this is a totally lopsided 'friendship'.  Everything is for her and her convenience and you are just the transportation and supplier of necessities. 

Given that she also has a history of never returning anything you've loaned her, I don't understand why you need this particular, specific, uneven friendship. 

She doesn't pay for gas, she pays for my cell phone instead.  She helped out when my dad was dying of cancer and when I needed to move quickly, she proof reads all my papers - so no I do not feel this is that lopsided,, I just find it annoying that she thinks a loan is a gift and wondered if others would see it the same way or if there was something I was missing.
   It seems that there are folks who would be weird-ed out by a "shared" swimsuit.  I have never encountered that before.

[redberry]

It seems that there are folks who would be weird-ed out by a "shared" swimsuit.  I have never encountered that before.

Well that's just because you don't wear any other clothes under a swimsuit so its a lot like underpants/knickers and a lot of people would not feel comfortable with shared undies...

[Mental Magpie]

It seems that there are folks who would be weird-ed out by a "shared" swimsuit.  I have never encountered that before.

Well that's just because you don't wear any other clothes under a swimsuit so its a lot like underpants/knickers and a lot of people would not feel comfortable with shared undies...

That wouldn't bother me, either.

[GSNW]

If the swimsuit is laundered in between, which I assume it is, I don't see the big deal.  I would find it annoying and tiresome that a kind lender becomes a bone of contention.  It's not her swimsuit, and if she can't process that, the lending should be over.

[petal]

the easy answer is to stop supplying the spare swimsuit.   If friend forgets hers  then tough. she goes without one.

Let her learn the lesson that if she forgets her own swimsuit then she doesnt go swimming

[gramma dishes]

She doesn't pay for gas, she pays for my cell phone instead.  She helped out when my dad was dying of cancer and when I needed to move quickly, she proof reads all my papers - so no I do not feel this is that lopsided,, I just find it annoying that she thinks a loan is a gift and wondered if others would see it the same way or if there was something I was missing.
   It seems that there are folks who would be weird-ed out by a "shared" swimsuit.  I have never encountered that before.

Okay, it does sound a little more balanced than I was imagining in my head. 

I don't know, Snowdragon.  Given this additional information, I'd almost be tempted to just go ahead and let her keep the swimsuit, especially if it wasn't a really expensive one.  The only problem with that would be, of course, that she would probably forget to bring it with her just as she "forgets" to bring her own now.  So maybe, annoying as it is, the routine you have going already may be the best solution. 

[Shoo]

She doesn't pay for gas, she pays for my cell phone instead.  She helped out when my dad was dying of cancer and when I needed to move quickly, she proof reads all my papers - so no I do not feel this is that lopsided,, I just find it annoying that she thinks a loan is a gift and wondered if others would see it the same way or if there was something I was missing.
   It seems that there are folks who would be weird-ed out by a "shared" swimsuit.  I have never encountered that before.

Okay, it does sound a little more balanced than I was imagining in my head. 

I don't know, Snowdragon.  Given this additional information, I'd almost be tempted to just go ahead and let her keep the swimsuit, especially if it wasn't a really expensive one.  The only problem with that would be, of course, that she would probably forget to bring it with her just as she "forgets" to bring her own now.  So maybe, annoying as it is, the routine you have going already may be the best solution. 

Snowdragon, are you sure she even owns her own swimsuit? It sounds like maybe she doesn't and instead of telling you that, she keeps borrowing yours in the hope that you'll just "give" it to her.

[Emmy]

I do think she is being rude and presumptuous by thinking you should give her the suit (and calling you rude because you didn't).  At the very least, she should make an offer to pay for the extra suit and graciously accept if 'no' is the answer, but expecting it for free just because she used it reeks of the gimmes.  My suggestion would be to try to blunt approach.  Let her know that you are tired of the suit conversation every week and you won't have the extra one with you anymore and she can supply her own.  I disagree that the OP should give it to her unless she wants to.  Usually giving in doesn't end it, but just allows friend to think she was right and make another ridiculous demand later.

[TurtleDove]

I keep thinking that a swimsuit is one item of clothing I would not even want to borrow. It would be like wearing someone else's underwear to me!

[MariaE]

I keep thinking that a swimsuit is one item of clothing I would not even want to borrow. It would be like wearing someone else's underwear to me!

Neither would bother me as long as they've been washed in between wearings.

[snowdragon]

She doesn't pay for gas, she pays for my cell phone instead.  She helped out when my dad was dying of cancer and when I needed to move quickly, she proof reads all my papers - so no I do not feel this is that lopsided,, I just find it annoying that she thinks a loan is a gift and wondered if others would see it the same way or if there was something I was missing.
   It seems that there are folks who would be weird-ed out by a "shared" swimsuit.  I have never encountered that before.

Okay, it does sound a little more balanced than I was imagining in my head. 

I don't know, Snowdragon.  Given this additional information, I'd almost be tempted to just go ahead and let her keep the swimsuit, especially if it wasn't a really expensive one.  The only problem with that would be, of course, that she would probably forget to bring it with her just as she "forgets" to bring her own now.  So maybe, annoying as it is, the routine you have going already may be the best solution. 

Snowdragon, are you sure she even owns her own swimsuit? It sounds like maybe she doesn't and instead of telling you that, she keeps borrowing yours in the hope that you'll just "give" it to her.

  I've seen her with one, when she attends the Y with her family, so yeah, she has one.  I am wondering tho' if she packs it or her husband does in those instances.

[NotTheNarcissist]

I keep thinking that a swimsuit is one item of clothing I would not even want to borrow. It would be like wearing someone else's underwear to me!

Neither would bother me as long as they've been washed in between wearings.

We have a swimming pool. I have a HUGE stash of swimsuits, all sizes & styles, for both men & women, to loan to visitors who show up without a swimsuit. People borrow them without hesitation. I wash them & add them back to the stash. People don't seem to care. They just want to swim.