The "extra" swimsuit....

[Amara]

Any just why can't she keep a swimsuit of her own in her own trunk?

Let her think ahead too. You shouldn't have to change your habits to avoid her greediness repeated requests.

[snowdragon]

Any just why can't she keep a swimsuit of her own in her own trunk?

Let her think ahead too. You shouldn't have to change your habits to avoid her greediness repeated requests.

She does not drive, I pick her up and I have no idea why she does not pack her suit the night before when I tell her I am going to the class.

[Amara]

Then maybe you might want to just tell her that you are no longer keeping an extra suit in your car (even if you still are). If she doesn't remember to bring hers then she's just out of luck. Don't put yourself in the position of reminding her either; if she wants to swim, especially because you are nice enough to pick her up, then she needs to take the responsibility of bringing what she needs with her.

[sammycat]

I would stop lending the the swimsuit.  For all she knows, you might be lending it to someone else in between the times she wears it.

If it's that important to her that she have one/goes for a swim, then she can provide her own.

A bit OT, but I can't imagine wearing someone else's swimming costume; it'd be like wearing someone else's underwear. The thought is completely revolting to me, but that's probably a different issue to the one at hand.

[snowdragon]

Then maybe you might want to just tell her that you are no longer keeping an extra suit in your car (even if you still are). If she doesn't remember to bring hers then she's just out of luck. Don't put yourself in the position of reminding her either; if she wants to swim, especially because you are nice enough to pick her up, then she needs to take the responsibility of bringing what she needs with her.

I started telling her what I was planning before had because she wanted to bring her kids to everything. I am a single adult and don't want to hang out in toddler friendly places all the time. So my "compromise" was to start telling her ahead of time what I was doing and if the kids were welcome. Then she could decide it she wanted to get a sitter or stay home, but I refused to let her kids needs dictate my recreation time.  ( And yes, they do come sometimes,  just not every single time.  Usually, tho I am hard pressed to figure out what a toddler would like to do, so I let her suggest those outing, even if I transport the whole gang.)

[Mental Magpie]

I would stop lending the the swimsuit.  For all she knows, you might be lending it to someone else in between the times she wears it.

If it's that important to her that she have one/goes for a swim, then she can provide her own.

A bit OT, but I can't imagine wearing someone else's swimming costume; it'd be like wearing someone else's underwear. The thought is completely revolting to me, but that's probably a different issue to the one at hand.

As long as it has been washed (and I trust the person giving it to me have actually washed it), neither would bother me in the least.

[White Lotus]

I agree with Mental Magpie.  We keep a collection of old but clean and decent suits for guests.  Perhaps they aren't nice enough to provoke "theft" but there will likely be one in the collection that fits any given guest, and it goes in the washer when the guest is done.  Not a problem for me as host or guest.

Why aren't you getting the suit back from her, spun and in its little plastic bag, before you leave the Y?

You could make your spare one of your old, ratty suits you can almost see through, one that's about to dissolve, demand it back when you leave the Y, and never have any other suit available. Or stop carrying an extra suit.  Or just stop going with her.

[KenveeB]

I agree with Mental Magpie.  We keep a collection of old but clean and decent suits for guests.  Perhaps they aren't nice enough to provoke "theft" but there will likely be one in the collection that fits any given guest, and it goes in the washer when the guest is done.  Not a problem for me as host or guest.

Why aren't you getting the suit back from her, spun and in its little plastic bag, before you leave the Y?

You could make your spare one of your old, ratty suits you can almost see through, one that's about to dissolve, demand it back when you leave the Y, and never have any other suit available. Or stop carrying an extra suit.  Or just stop going with her.

She is getting it back. The problem is that her friend is complaining about having to give it back each time instead of getting to keep it.

[Raintree]

Then maybe you might want to just tell her that you are no longer keeping an extra suit in your car (even if you still are). If she doesn't remember to bring hers then she's just out of luck. Don't put yourself in the position of reminding her either; if she wants to swim, especially because you are nice enough to pick her up, then she needs to take the responsibility of bringing what she needs with her.

I started telling her what I was planning before had because she wanted to bring her kids to everything. I am a single adult and don't want to hang out in toddler friendly places all the time. So my "compromise" was to start telling her ahead of time what I was doing and if the kids were welcome. Then she could decide it she wanted to get a sitter or stay home, but I refused to let her kids needs dictate my recreation time.  ( And yes, they do come sometimes,  just not every single time.  Usually, tho I am hard pressed to figure out what a toddler would like to do, so I let her suggest those outing, even if I transport the whole gang.)

I get it, because I had this friend with a toddler; she'd call me up to "do something"; I'd say I was going swimming, and she'd want to come. Fine, but then she complained when I did laps (that is why I swim, for exercise) as her kid was bored and we needed to hang out in the kiddie play area of the pool.

But what I don't get here, is why you need to provide a bathing suit. Simply say, "I'm going swimming; you're welcome to come if you want to." And if she says, "I forgot my suit" the answer is, "Oh, too bad. Catch you next time then." If coming swimming with you is important to her, she'll remember her suit. I'd stop giving her the loaner, and if she asks, follow a PP's advice and say you lent it to another friend and never got it back, can she believe it?

[snowdragon]

I agree with Mental Magpie.  We keep a collection of old but clean and decent suits for guests.  Perhaps they aren't nice enough to provoke "theft" but there will likely be one in the collection that fits any given guest, and it goes in the washer when the guest is done.  Not a problem for me as host or guest.

Why aren't you getting the suit back from her, spun and in its little plastic bag, before you leave the Y?

You could make your spare one of your old, ratty suits you can almost see through, one that's about to dissolve, demand it back when you leave the Y, and never have any other suit available. Or stop carrying an extra suit.  Or just stop going with her.

She is getting it back. The problem is that her friend is complaining about having to give it back each time instead of getting to keep it.

I take it back as soon as she takes it off,,,and then get complained at because it's apparently "rude" to ask for it back.

[oceanus]

I'm not understanding why you feel responsible for providing her with a swimsuit to begin with - that's where the problem started.  She keeps borrowing the swimsuit because you keep loaning it to her.

Don't loan her a swimsuit or anything else.

If she can't provide "remember" tp provide herself with a swimsuit, well, she just won't be able to go to the Y.   Her problem, not yours.  Learn to say "No".

[snowdragon]

So if we are supposed to be in this class together and she does not have her suit when we get there, would it be rude to just leave her to her own devices for the hour or so it takes for the class?

I started  borrowing her the suit because I got sick of not being able to do what I wanted because she forgot her suit.

[oceanus]

So if we are supposed to be in this class together and she does not have her suit when we get there, would it be rude to just leave her to her own devices for the hour or so it takes for the class?

I started  borrowing her the suit because I got sick of not being able to do what I wanted because she forgot her suit.

You mean lending (not borrowing).

No - not lending her a suit is not rude.  I'm still not understanding why you feel you are responsible for providing her with a swimsuit.   

As I said, she can either provide her own suit or not go.

I don't see how her forgetting prevents you from swimming in your own suit.

[Raintree]

So if we are supposed to be in this class together and she does not have her suit when we get there, would it be rude to just leave her to her own devices for the hour or so it takes for the class?

I started  borrowing her the suit because I got sick of not being able to do what I wanted because she forgot her suit.

So if she forgets her suit (and doesn't have one to borrow) she expects you not to go to the class either?

No, it wouldn't be rude for you to just leave her to her own devices. You said you were going to the class; she can come too, but if she doesn't have her stuff, you're still going!

[snowdragon]

So if we are supposed to be in this class together and she does not have her suit when we get there, would it be rude to just leave her to her own devices for the hour or so it takes for the class?

I started  borrowing her the suit because I got sick of not being able to do what I wanted because she forgot her suit.

You mean lending (not borrowing).

No - not lending her a suit is not rude.  I'm still not understanding why you feel you are responsible for providing her with a swimsuit.   

As I said, she can either provide her own suit or not go.

I don't see how her forgetting prevents you from swimming in your own suit.

 Not sure how to explain this, but we signed up for this class together, and typically will spend the day together getting together about 9am  and ending the day between 5 and 7.   The class is at noon.  Right in the middle. So if she does not have her suit...it feels odd to leave her for an hour or so to go to the class while she sits and waits.  ( she also says that sitting and waiting feels "wrong" to  her) the water work outs are what her dr recommends and due to other health concerns she is only allowed to do cardio and her limit walking/treadmilling is about 14 min at this point.
  So I am sort of feeling weird about having her sit for that length of time while doing something we signed up for together.  Hence the lending of the suit.