Author Topic: The "extra" swimsuit....  (Read 12356 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

bopper

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12341
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #75 on: February 20, 2013, 04:24:34 PM »
You are taking on the "weirdness" when you are swimming and she is not.  You have to make it HER problem and just say "Bummer, you forgot again.  Maybe you should set an alarm on your phone?  I should be doing laps for an hour or so."

Amara

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2579
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #76 on: February 20, 2013, 04:29:43 PM »
If she won't remember her own swimsuit she won't remember the one you gave her either.

rain

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 748
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #77 on: February 20, 2013, 08:40:38 PM »
Let me get this straight  - in simplest terms

She's an adult

and you enable her (loan swim suit)

she will never change as long as you enable her
"oh we thank thee lord for the things we need, like the wind and the rain and the apple seed"

Miss Tickle

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 211
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #78 on: February 21, 2013, 10:40:36 AM »
It seems to me that she doesn't actually want to participate in the class so she forgets to bring her suit in a passive aggressive move to make you skip it as well. Next time she borrows your spare, don't take it back from her right away. I'd bet she forgets that one as well when the time comes. If that happens you'll know it's not about the bathing suit.

Then snowdragon is out her spare suit, which she keeps handy in case another friend needs it or she forgets her own.
Ah, I didn't think Snowdragon was suggesting her friend would actually steal the suit, just that she wanted Snowdragon to give it to her. My thinking is then Snowdragon wouldn't have one to lend her next time, therefore Snowdragon would feel obligated to skip the workout. There's nothing there preventing Snowdragon from asking for the swimsuit back, to the point of asking is the suit worth the friendship.

It seems odd to me that the parent of one or more toddlers has a habit of forgetting something that important to their day. It's kind of like forgetting an essential stuffie or a diaper bag or something. But there are a number of reasons that her friend would sabotage her workout by "forgetting" a swimsuit, like she's uncomfortable being in seen in a bathing suit, she doesn't like the water temperature or the chlorine levels at the pool, she doesn't really want to work out when she'd rather just hang out, she's irritated that she can't bring her kids to this, etc. But PP are right, Snowdragon is not this woman's mother and doesn't need to "pack a diaperbag" for her.

miranova

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2004
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #79 on: February 21, 2013, 09:36:50 PM »
While I 100%....no, 1000% agree that you have ZERO obligation to loan her the suit at all in the first place, I think at this point the best option is simply to let her take it home next time, fully accepting that you may never see it again.  One of two things will happen.  She will wash it and bring it back, which is no different really than what is happening now.  Or she will never bring it back.  In which case when she "forgets" you have the perfect out.  You say "Oh that's too bad, that's the only spare I had.  I'll see you in an hour."  And go on about your workout.  Just never bring another one.  I dare her to say "why haven't you bought me another suit yet?"  I mean really.  She will be forced to remember to bring it then, because you won't have one to lend her and it's her OWN fault that you won't have one to lend her!

It would be worth the price of whatever the suit cost in order to never have this conversation again, to me. 

Mental Magpie

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5290
  • ...for the dark side looks back.
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #80 on: February 21, 2013, 09:42:43 PM »
While I 100%....no, 1000% agree that you have ZERO obligation to loan her the suit at all in the first place, I think at this point the best option is simply to let her take it home next time, fully accepting that you may never see it again.  One of two things will happen.  She will wash it and bring it back, which is no different really than what is happening now.  Or she will never bring it back.  In which case when she "forgets" you have the perfect out.  You say "Oh that's too bad, that's the only spare I had.  I'll see you in an hour."  And go on about your workout.  Just never bring another one.  I dare her to say "why haven't you bought me another suit yet?"  I mean really.  She will be forced to remember to bring it then, because you won't have one to lend her and it's her OWN fault that you won't have one to lend her!

It would be worth the price of whatever the suit cost in order to never have this conversation again, to me.

What I don't understand is the giving it to her to take home.  The simpler solution is to just not take it next time.  The outcome is the same: no spare suit for "friend".  However, not taking it next time means OP has a spare suit for someone who will actually appreciate it.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

oceanus

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 693
  • pronounced o-see-ANN-us
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #81 on: February 21, 2013, 09:45:41 PM »
Would be better not to loan swimsuits at all.
I don't think lack of appreciation is the issue.

JenJay

  • I'm a nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6075
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #82 on: February 21, 2013, 09:53:47 PM »
Then snowdragon is out her spare suit, which she keeps handy in case another friend needs it or she forgets her own.
Ah, I didn't think Snowdragon was suggesting her friend would actually steal the suit, just that she wanted Snowdragon to give it to her.

Snowdragon said earlier that this friend has a habit of "forgetting" to return borrowed items and has to be chased down for them. That's why she (snowdragon) insists upon getting the suit back as soon as the class is over. That's when the friend starts up with "You should just let me keep it!"  :)

JenJay

  • I'm a nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6075
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #83 on: February 21, 2013, 09:57:23 PM »
While I 100%....no, 1000% agree that you have ZERO obligation to loan her the suit at all in the first place, I think at this point the best option is simply to let her take it home next time, fully accepting that you may never see it again.  One of two things will happen.  She will wash it and bring it back, which is no different really than what is happening now.  Or she will never bring it back.  In which case when she "forgets" you have the perfect out.  You say "Oh that's too bad, that's the only spare I had.  I'll see you in an hour."  And go on about your workout.  Just never bring another one.  I dare her to say "why haven't you bought me another suit yet?"  I mean really.  She will be forced to remember to bring it then, because you won't have one to lend her and it's her OWN fault that you won't have one to lend her!

It would be worth the price of whatever the suit cost in order to never have this conversation again, to me.

What I don't understand is the giving it to her to take home.  The simpler solution is to just not take it next time.  The outcome is the same: no spare suit for "friend".  However, not taking it next time means OP has a spare suit for someone who will actually appreciate it.

I agree. Why should snowdragon give this lady a suit... just to avoid having to give her another suit? I think that giving in when she doesn't want to is a really good way to encourage the friend to continue making ridiculous demands.

zyrs

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1977
  • spiffily male.
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #84 on: February 22, 2013, 06:27:19 AM »
You are not being rude for lending her the suit and getting it back after every swim session.  Your friend has shown you that she doesn't respect your ownership of an item in the past when you have lent her things and she has not returned them. 

I would have a talk with her - find out if indeed she has her own swimsuit, if she really wants to be going to swimming or if maybe it would be better to pick a different day to get together.  I would stop bringing the spare swimsuit on the day that you go swimming with her and I wouldn't move the car in the morning until she shows you she has brought her own swimsuit and stuff.

bopper

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12341
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #85 on: February 22, 2013, 09:41:47 AM »
Haiku

No swimsuit today?
Hope you brought a book to read.
Remember next time.

JenJay

  • I'm a nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6075
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #86 on: February 22, 2013, 09:46:37 AM »
Haiku

No swimsuit today?
Hope you brought a book to read.
Remember next time.

Awesome!! ;D

Winterlight

  • On the internet, no one can tell you're a dog- arf.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9803
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #87 on: February 22, 2013, 10:37:46 AM »
Haiku

No swimsuit today?
Hope you brought a book to read.
Remember next time.

*applause*
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

snowdragon

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2200
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #88 on: February 22, 2013, 11:11:54 PM »
Haiku

No swimsuit today?
Hope you brought a book to read.
Remember next time.

Love this.  Great Job bopper.

YummyMummy66

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 794
Re: The "extra" swimsuit....
« Reply #89 on: February 24, 2013, 11:43:42 AM »
Is there an update?  Did OP go to her class yesterday?  how did she handle the swimsuit exchange?  Would love to know the outcome of this situation.