Author Topic: Would this be rude?  (Read 2651 times)

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citadelle

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Re: Would this be rude?
« Reply #15 on: February 26, 2013, 02:35:27 PM »
I would not cancel the event. You enjoy it, and should be able to do so. If you do message the woman directly, perhaps you could tell her that you do not expect her to come, given her objections to your career. You could say something like, "I won't put you in the position of having to decline due to your beliefs."

Is Judith Martin reading us for advice?  This sounds exactly like something that Miss Manners would say.


I am not sure if I should be insulted or not!  :)

*inviteseller

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Re: Would this be rude?
« Reply #16 on: February 26, 2013, 03:10:53 PM »
This woman is extremely rude and obnoxious.  Has she asked you exactly what kind of work you are doing with the animals or is she just so full of herself that she can make blanket pronouncements about your profession and for some reason, your character?   I will be honest...I do not buy products from certain companies because of their animal testing practices and IF asked, I will talk calmly about it, but I am also friendly with a neighbor who works in medical research at the big, national known research university/hospital here and I have never vilified her for her work because that is what she does for a living, and my feelings are just that, mine.  Unless you are a drug dealer or hitman, your profession is not up for debate, criticism or open hostility by anyone.  As far as your Easter Egg Hunt, go for it, but do not invite her and if she says anything, be icily polite and tell her that her constant comments about your career are not what friends do to each other, therefore she is not welcome.  If she shows up, you can tell her she is not invited and to please leave.  And block her today. 

bansidhe

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Re: Would this be rude?
« Reply #17 on: February 26, 2013, 03:15:23 PM »
I say you straight up block that woman on FB - not "hide" or defriend, straight out block her.  And then she won't be able to see the event you created at all. And I would also let a few of your closer friends within the group know she is not welcome at your home.

Its one thing to not be nuts about someone's job, but she is outright hostile and taunting about it. And actions have consequences.

This. And I'm really into animal rights.

If she does find out about the event and asks you why she wasn't invited, you should feel free to give an honest explanation and let her know that you aren't comfortable with some of the comments she's made to and about you.
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beezelbear

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Re: Would this be rude?
« Reply #18 on: February 26, 2013, 03:46:04 PM »
Thanks everyone for your replies.  I had blocked her after the comment I mentioned, but I thought that any events I posted to the group would still be visible to her.  I hadn't thought of setting up the event on my own page and just inviting the group, so I think that's what I'll do and just add a message to the end of the to let people know that it's not a group wide event.  I really don't know what others think of her - she only joined the group a couple of months ago at the invitation of another member.  I've only actually met her once, at an event after she first joined and she seemed very pleasant then and her daughter and my DD played fairly well together.  My guess is that she then googled me and found where/what kind of work I do and decided I was evil incarnate.   

Lynn2000

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Re: Would this be rude?
« Reply #19 on: February 26, 2013, 04:16:21 PM »
She does sound unpleasant. I think your plan is a good one--invite who you want to invite, privately, along with the message that "not everyone" in the moms' group has been invited... maybe you are "trying to keep it a little smaller" this year.

I hope she doesn't just show up. You are well within your rights to shut the door in her face, but I know that is much more awkward to really do in person.  :-\
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ettiquit

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Re: Would this be rude?
« Reply #20 on: February 26, 2013, 04:23:28 PM »
Thanks everyone for your replies.  I had blocked her after the comment I mentioned, but I thought that any events I posted to the group would still be visible to her.  I hadn't thought of setting up the event on my own page and just inviting the group, so I think that's what I'll do and just add a message to the end of the to let people know that it's not a group wide event.  I really don't know what others think of her - she only joined the group a couple of months ago at the invitation of another member.  I've only actually met her once, at an event after she first joined and she seemed very pleasant then and her daughter and my DD played fairly well together.  My guess is that she then googled me and found where/what kind of work I do and decided I was evil incarnate.

Ugh, so she cyber-stalked you too?  It's natural to google people, but I think it's creepy to make them aware of any information they found out about you that wasn't something you had already shared with them. 

Calistoga

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Re: Would this be rude?
« Reply #21 on: February 26, 2013, 04:26:37 PM »
She may have just found out from someone in the group who didn't realize she was cuckoo banana's.

Evil Sarah Says- Get someone to dress up in an Easter Bunny costume for the event. If she shows up, tell her that you don't think she'll enjoy herself, as you're using a large rabbit as a slave to hide your Easter eggs and you know how she feels about animal exploitation.

*inviteseller

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Re: Would this be rude?
« Reply #22 on: February 26, 2013, 04:38:10 PM »
So, she barely knows you, has never had a conversation concerning your job and just decided to make you into the anti deity?  Oh heck no, and I would have no trouble telling the other invitees that you have not invited this person, so don't tell her or bring her.  If this woman is so disgusted by you job choice, than she will not be upset by the lack of invite.  If she shows up to play nice just for the sake of a party, she is a hypocritical special snowflake.

doodlemor

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Re: Would this be rude?
« Reply #23 on: February 26, 2013, 09:14:50 PM »
I would not cancel the event. You enjoy it, and should be able to do so. If you do message the woman directly, perhaps you could tell her that you do not expect her to come, given her objections to your career. You could say something like, "I won't put you in the position of having to decline due to your beliefs."

Is Judith Martin reading us for advice?  This sounds exactly like something that Miss Manners would say.


I am not sure if I should be insulted or not!  :)

It was meant to be a compliment.  Judith Martin is both wise and humorous.

RooRoo

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Re: Would this be rude?
« Reply #24 on: February 26, 2013, 09:30:23 PM »
Having had some unpleasant dealings with a few radical animal rights activist fanatics, let me give you some advice. She may show up anyway, so have one or two people prepared to throw her off the property, and be prepared to call the police to carry her off.

Hopefully she is not as bad as the ones I dealt with. But saying the things she did hints that she will not behave well at your party. If you have any pets, or, heaven forbid, farm animals, they are exploited slaves who deserve to be set free, and she'll tell everybody all about it. She may actually get violent.

P.S. I've had respectful dealings with ARAs, too. We may disagree in a fundamental way, but we respect each other as human beings, and accept that we can't change each other's minds.
If you have an opinion about my life, raise your hand!
Now, put it over your mouth.

citadelle

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Re: Would this be rude?
« Reply #25 on: February 26, 2013, 10:11:17 PM »
I would not cancel the event. You enjoy it, and should be able to do so. If you do message the woman directly, perhaps you could tell her that you do not expect her to come, given her objections to your career. You could say something like, "I won't put you in the position of having to decline due to your beliefs."

Is Judith Martin reading us for advice?  This sounds exactly like something that Miss Manners would say.


I am not sure if I should be insulted or not!  :)

It was meant to be a compliment.  Judith Martin is both wise and humorous.

Oh, good! Thank you!  :D

Erich L-ster

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Re: Would this be rude?
« Reply #26 on: February 26, 2013, 10:28:54 PM »
Since this woman has made it clear that she wants nothing to do with you except as a target of insults, yet you belong to the same group; I would send (call /email /PM) just one message saying that you do not wish her to attend any activities hosted at your home. I know a "you're not invited" disinvite is rude but I think it's warranted in this circumstance.

jpcher

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Re: Would this be rude?
« Reply #27 on: February 27, 2013, 06:06:51 PM »
Thanks everyone for your replies.  I had blocked her after the comment I mentioned, but I thought that any events I posted to the group would still be visible to her.  I hadn't thought of setting up the event on my own page and just inviting the group, so I think that's what I'll do and just add a message to the end of the to let people know that it's not a group wide event.

I think this is a perfectly polite solution.  ;D