Author Topic: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!  (Read 10072 times)

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Samgirl2

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You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« on: February 20, 2013, 12:30:39 PM »
Just had the following conversation with my mother over the phone after I emailed her some photos from a recent event I was at. 

*I'm not trying to lose weight, the only time I have ever dieted is last year for my sister's wedding because I knew I was being the maid of honour :-) but I do weigh myself once a week at the gym, so I tend to know what I weigh and can do something if it goes up or down. Basically I work out a bit more some weeks! My Mum has yoyo dieted for as long as I can remember

Mum: Those photos are great and you look lovely and slim
Me: Thanks
Mum: Have you lost weight recently?
Me: No
Mum: How much do you weigh?
Me: 155lbs (I'm 5ft 10, UK12/US8)
Mum: Oh, I weigh 143 lbs
Me: That's great, but you're 4 inches shorter than me. The last time I weighed that I was 18.  I have been my current weight, give or take a couple fo pounds, for 10 years.
Mum: Well, if I can do it you can. you need to get back down to that weight,
Me: Why? You just said I looked lovely and slim!
Mum: Because now I know I weigh less than you and you could do it if you tried. you're younger than me, you should weigh less.
Me: But you are much shorter than me! We shouldn't weigh the same, and I don't want to lose any weight thanks.
Mum: Well you should.
Me: *does quick calculation My BMI is 22, yours is 23 I think I'm fine.
Mum: But you must want to weigh less than me?!

Must I? Do I? Gah!  What bizarre logic and assumptions!


Judah

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2013, 12:33:58 PM »
Just had the following conversation with my mother over the phone after I emailed her some photos from a recent event I was at. 

*I'm not trying to lose weight, the only time I have ever dieted is last year for my sister's wedding because I knew I was being the maid of honour :-) but I do weigh myself once a week at the gym, so I tend to know what I weigh and can do something if it goes up or down. Basically I work out a bit more some weeks! My Mum has yoyo dieted for as long as I can remember

Mum: Those photos are great and you look lovely and slim
Me: Thanks
Mum: Have you lost weight recently?
Me: No
Mum: How much do you weigh?
Me: It doesn't matter, Mom. Bean dip.


Your conversation should have ended much sooner.  Don't let her take you there.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work.
Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work.
Just say it!

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BeagleMommy

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2013, 01:29:24 PM »
I agree that you should have ended the topic sooner.  After you said you hadn't lost weight she asked what you weighed.  You could have said "I don't really pay attention to the numbers" or something similar.

Next time tell her "Less than an elephant but more than an ant".

DottyG

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2013, 01:36:10 PM »
Agreeing with the others.  You don't have to answer "How much do you weigh?" by anyone.  It's your business alone.  Bean dip that question.


Betelnut

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2013, 01:40:05 PM »
This should go in the "Brain hurt" thread!  When I weighed 155 at 5' 9 ", I could barely maintain my weight!  I was almost too thin for that height (and my appetite!) 

Your Mom is wrong!
« Last Edit: February 20, 2013, 02:36:04 PM by Betelnut »
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Deetee

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2013, 01:43:44 PM »
I actually don't think it's bad to let her know how much you weigh (but only if you want). Your mom has obvious issues about weight and because she is never happy with her weight, she can't imagine someone else being comfortable with theirs (especially if it's "more").

Stating that you are happy with your fitness and body right now is a nice way to show her a healthier way to think about weight. Because I know that when I stop going to the gym, I might not gain weight, but I lose posture and bounce and energy and muscle and look (and feel) like I weigh more. In fact I often gain weight (and bounce and energy etc.. when I go to the gym).


Elisabunny

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2013, 02:34:48 PM »
Since the "I'm shaped different from you" hasn't worked, there's probably not much you can do except beandip.  However, if she insists on getting into it again, you might point out that muscle is quite a bit denser than fat, so you are naturally going to weigh more than a person of the same pants size who doesn't exercise.
You must remember this: a ghoti is still a fish...

TurtleDove

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2013, 02:56:47 PM »
Given the history with the mother I would just not discuss it.  No need to argue any points.

Yvaine

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #8 on: February 20, 2013, 02:59:26 PM »
She's just hung up on the particular number and doesn't realize that body type, height, and body composition play a big role in the number on the scale--that there's no weight that's a magical "fat" cutoff for every single body on the planet. Given that you say she yo-yos and that she's right under 150 herself, that's probably her own mental cutoff point beyond which she thinks she needs to lose weight, and she can't see past her own mental baggage.

MrTango

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #9 on: February 20, 2013, 03:27:14 PM »
Agreeing with the others.  You don't have to answer "How much do you weigh?" by anyone.  It's your business alone.  Bean dip that question.

Agreed.  Unless you're being asked by a medical professional (when they have a legitimate reason to know), or you're going bungee jumping, there's no reason why you need to answer questions about your weight.

That isn't to say you can't choose to have a converstaion with someone about your weight and goals, but that's only if you choose to do so.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #10 on: February 20, 2013, 03:50:25 PM »
Just as bad is assuming that a thin person is anorexic. I was very thin as a teenager but ate like a horse. I often got asked if I ate at all.

Calistoga

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #11 on: February 22, 2013, 09:44:33 AM »
Unless the person in question is a doctor or the fire fighter trying to decide if he can safely throw you out a window, the answer to "How much do you weigh?" is "Enough".


DottyG

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #12 on: February 26, 2013, 05:54:33 PM »
Quote
Unless the person in question is a doctor

And, even then, it's not always appropriate/necessary to ask that question.

citadelle

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #13 on: February 26, 2013, 10:36:22 PM »
Quote
Unless the person in question is a doctor

And, even then, it's not always appropriate/necessary to ask that question.

Really? The first thing that the nurse does every single time my girls or I go to the clinic, for reasons ranging from wart removal to anxiety, is do a weight  and blood pressure check. I thought it was standard procedure.

Joeschmo

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Re: You're lovely and slim/you need to lose weight!
« Reply #14 on: February 26, 2013, 10:37:11 PM »
Quote
Unless the person in question is a doctor

And, even then, it's not always appropriate/necessary to ask that question.

For my health I choose to let my doc decide what info he or she needs to know but whatever works.

Op I wouldn't have conversations about weight with mom anymore if they bother you.