Author Topic: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...  (Read 4610 times)

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Outdoor Girl

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Re: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...
« Reply #30 on: February 21, 2013, 01:25:40 PM »
You are a woman in a man's world and have to behave as such. Don't worry about Jones, nothing you do on his behalf will help your case, he needs to deal with it himself. Don't let his upset drag you down with him.

If you show any weakness or they think you are whinging about this it will never end.  They will know they got under your skin and that will only emphasize your weakness to your coworkers.

If you want to move past this (and I agree it's hazing) fight fire with fire. Let the comments and jokes pass with a chuckle, ask if they're jealous, ask if they're mad you got to Jones first (or Sherrie)? Tell them you have your eyes on someone else instead and wiggle your eyebrows at the biggest offender, blow it up into the biggest joke you can.  Get them to laugh with you, not at you, or they'll be laughing at you (all) until you quit. They'll stop eventually but they won't forget how you handled it.

I really like this idea.  I think it would be the most effective way to shut them down.
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jedikaiti

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Re: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...
« Reply #31 on: February 21, 2013, 03:26:29 PM »
You are a woman in a man's world and have to behave as such. Don't worry about Jones, nothing you do on his behalf will help your case, he needs to deal with it himself. Don't let his upset drag you down with him.

If you show any weakness or they think you are whinging about this it will never end.  They will know they got under your skin and that will only emphasize your weakness to your coworkers.

If you want to move past this (and I agree it's hazing) fight fire with fire. Let the comments and jokes pass with a chuckle, ask if they're jealous, ask if they're mad you got to Jones first (or Sherrie)? Tell them you have your eyes on someone else instead and wiggle your eyebrows at the biggest offender, blow it up into the biggest joke you can.  Get them to laugh with you, not at you, or they'll be laughing at you (all) until you quit. They'll stop eventually but they won't forget how you handled it.

POD.  Given the OP's line of work, traditional ways of handling this are not likely to be good for the OP in the long run.  If she doesn't like the hazing atmosphere of her job, I wouldn't blame her, but she is not likley to be able to change a longstanding culture of hazing.  It would be akin to trying to get drill sargeants to stop speaking condescendingly toward those in boot camp.  Is it offensive?  Well, arguabley.  Is it likely to change?  Nope, because it is proven to work to build character and comraderie and the skills needed to be effective in a high intensity (read, not office) environment.

I'd forgotten about that. Good point!
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

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Moray

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Re: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...
« Reply #32 on: February 21, 2013, 03:29:54 PM »
You are a woman in a man's world and have to behave as such. Don't worry about Jones, nothing you do on his behalf will help your case, he needs to deal with it himself. Don't let his upset drag you down with him.

If you show any weakness or they think you are whinging about this it will never end.  They will know they got under your skin and that will only emphasize your weakness to your coworkers.

If you want to move past this (and I agree it's hazing) fight fire with fire. Let the comments and jokes pass with a chuckle, ask if they're jealous, ask if they're mad you got to Jones first (or Sherrie)? Tell them you have your eyes on someone else instead and wiggle your eyebrows at the biggest offender, blow it up into the biggest joke you can.  Get them to laugh with you, not at you, or they'll be laughing at you (all) until you quit. They'll stop eventually but they won't forget how you handled it.

POD.  Given the OP's line of work, traditional ways of handling this are not likely to be good for the OP in the long run.  If she doesn't like the hazing atmosphere of her job, I wouldn't blame her, but she is not likley to be able to change a longstanding culture of hazing.  It would be akin to trying to get drill sargeants to stop speaking condescendingly toward those in boot camp.  Is it offensive?  Well, arguabley.  Is it likely to change?  Nope, because it is proven to work to build character and comraderie and the skills needed to be effective in a high intensity (read, not office) environment.

Very well stated.
Utah

Mental Magpie

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Re: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...
« Reply #33 on: February 21, 2013, 05:04:57 PM »
We all three generally get along with them otherwise. We joke about a lot of things. I don't really fun this offensive, it's just getting old. I'm generally known for turning a joke back around on someone but that, and everything else we've tried, just doesn't seem to be working. We've already tried the non-response, we've tried the "What, you're jealous because he hung out with 2 women while you hung out with a bunch of men?", and we've tried the non-chalant, "So? We had fun. Who cares?". None of those worked so I came here.

In other news, I went to say something today and chickened out because I started to fumble over the words and knew they wouldn't take me seriously if I couldn't even get the words out.  No, they're definitely not trying to teach is how to deal with offenders. Sherrie has been there longer than a lot of them.  It's simply how they are; this one is just getting old.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

jedikaiti

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Re: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...
« Reply #34 on: February 21, 2013, 05:35:18 PM »
"<insert something or someone really old> called - they want their joke back!"
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

JenJay

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Re: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...
« Reply #35 on: February 21, 2013, 05:40:18 PM »
Have you tried the blank stare, followed by the "Wow, really? ???" expression, followed by a few seconds of awkward silence, followed by turning to someone else "So anyway, I made the best bean dip last night..."?

Mental Magpie

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Re: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...
« Reply #36 on: February 21, 2013, 06:45:13 PM »
Have you tried the blank stare, followed by the "Wow, really? ???" expression, followed by a few seconds of awkward silence, followed by turning to someone else "So anyway, I made the best bean dip last night..."?

I think I can do this, because if they ask, "Wow what?"  I can say, "You seriously haven't moved on from that yet?" then follow up with more bean dip.


I want to thank everyone for the help!  I can offer other people advice but for whatever the reason, I totally space out when it comes to helping myself.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Firecat

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Re: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...
« Reply #37 on: February 21, 2013, 06:57:07 PM »
How about an eyeroll and a "Wow, I thought that one had been moved to the Home for Geriatric Jokes." Or, "You'll need some new material if you're ever going to perfect that stand-up routine." Or you could even borrow a line from Willow (in Buffy: The Vampire Slayer): "Bored now" ::pause:: "Anybody want coffee?" or "Where are those report blanks?" Or ::insert bean dip here::.

Possibly even: "Dude, if I'm going to stay awake through this shift, you're going to need some new material."


Miss Tickle

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Re: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...
« Reply #38 on: February 21, 2013, 09:49:25 PM »
What does Sherrie suggest? Is she bothered as well? She's been there the longest, she knows these guys better and can probably give you some insight. I'd be interested to know what her thoughts are.  Not to cast aspersions, but perhaps Sherrie has a rep for "taking on the new single guys" and they're bugging Jones because, well. Or maybe that's how they've been getting at Sherrie and Jones is just the newest foil. I've spent time in the trenches, so to speak, I know how brutal it can be. You've just starting working in a boys high school locker room. They can only be on their best behaviour for so long.

I still think your best bet is to make a better joke and get them to move on. This is the environment you are in, you must make the best of it.

HonorH

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Re: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...
« Reply #39 on: February 22, 2013, 03:15:49 AM »
"Oh, sorry, I didn't realize it was time for today's crack about Jones and me. Do go on."

"*Sigh* You children are so easily amused. How long will it be before you're bored with these jokes? 'Cause, seriously, they should be mummified by now."

"Gosh, that's funny! And so original! Lay another one on me!"

"Yeah, I was just talking to Jones about that. Yes, Jones. We might be secretly shtupping, yada, yada. Anyway . . ."

IMHO, in these environments, it's best to turn the cracks right back at the perpetrators. Hang a lampshade on how old the jokes are getting. The people making them will draw less shame from making you feel uncomfortable than they will from being exposed as unfunny.
William wondered why he always disliked people who said "no offense meant." Maybe it was because they found it easier to say "no offense meant" than actually to refrain from giving offense.

--Terry Pratchett, The Truth

Kiwichick

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Re: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...
« Reply #40 on: February 22, 2013, 05:27:28 AM »
A tactic I often use is:

Them: 'blah, blah, blah'
Me (interrupting) 'Oh, I'm going to have to stop you there.'
Them: 'Why?'
Me: 'You're boring me now.' big grin, walk away.

Hasn't failed me yet and it works in a multitude of situations.

JenJay

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Re: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...
« Reply #41 on: February 22, 2013, 08:03:07 AM »
A tactic I often use is:

Them: 'blah, blah, blah'
Me (interrupting) 'Oh, I'm going to have to stop you there.'
Them: 'Why?'
Me: 'You're boring me now.' big grin, walk away.

Hasn't failed me yet and it works in a multitude of situations.

I like that!  ;D

TootsNYC

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Re: You must think poorly of my rel[color=black]ationship[/color]...
« Reply #42 on: February 22, 2013, 11:24:26 AM »
A tactic I often use is:

Them: 'blah, blah, blah'
Me (interrupting) 'Oh, I'm going to have to stop you there.'
Them: 'Why?'
Me: 'You're boring me now.' big grin, walk away.

Hasn't failed me yet and it works in a multitude of situations.

I love that! I think it would really work in this situations.

I was going to suggest that you sigh at them tiredly.