sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!

[Moray]

It might be helpful to know how the invitations from her and your brother are phrased. Is she the one that invites you, or is your brother making the offer?

It could be a case of him scheduling without her really having time for it.

[Yvaine]

It might be helpful to know how the invitations from her and your brother are phrased. Is she the one that invites you, or is your brother making the offer?

It could be a case of him scheduling without her really having time for it.

This! My ex's parents always used to get annoyed because I was busy and couldn't see them when they came to town. Until they realized he was scheduling these visits without telling me until the night before or the day of, way too late for me to get off work or cancel other plans.

[cattlekid]

I POD the previous posters who stated that maybe your SIL doesn't place the same importance on your relationship that you are placing on the relationship with your brother. 

I would never deny DH the ability to visit with his sister.  However, I don't enjoy spending time with her.  I will make the time to visit with SIL/BIL when it is an "important" occasion (birthday, holiday and the like) but I am not going to just drop in on them on a weekend day like DH will.

The other POD that I have is maybe your brother is not cluing SIL in on the plans ahead of time.  My schedule is pretty rigid and I can't just drop everything when DH wants to go see his sister.  I have told him many times that he needs to involve me in plans with his family with at least a couple of days notice.  He doesn't really get it, so I have had to bow out of plans that don't mesh with my schedule.  Again, I will accommodate if it is an "important" holiday, but a random visit?  He doesn't need me to tag along.

[LifeOnPluto]

If your SIL is spending a few hours with you each time you visit, I personally don't think that's rude. It would be a different story if she was muttering a quick "hi", then rushing out the door as soon as you arrived. Unless there's something I'm missing here? Are you getting a vibe from her that she doesn't like you much or something?

[Penguin_ar]

I like most of my SILs, but a couple of hours to chat/ have a coffee every 3 months plus holiday gatherings would be plenty for me too.  I have my own life with friends, volunteering, and kids and really not that much free time, so making a few hours free to catch up every 3 months would be all I could manage.

How much time would you want her to spend with you/ what would you want the two of you to do together? For example you might love shoping but she has no money or interest in window shopping; you might love watching movies together but for her, that is a solitary activity/ she has no interest/ it is stressful because she has to get up every few minutes to check on the kids. If there is something specific you want to do with her, I would suggest you give her plenty of notice:  "Hey SIL, I heard of this new museum near you, next time I am up I'd love us to go together.  When would suit you?" or "I am hoping to come up sometime in March and would appreciate if you showed me how to make your famous deviled eggs, what day would be best?

[Bethalize]

I think I'd like to know what you think should happen, and what actually does happen.

[SPuck]

I think we need more information before we can pass along any helpful advice. If the OP is making plans exclusively with their brother, who in turn doesn't run it past his wife, that is all on the brother's head. If the op is making assumptions that is their fault. If the SIL is making plans with the OP, it is her job to be more honest about her schedule if their are problems. Without knowing the whole story you can't really say anything about this situation.

[fountainsoflettuce]

So, OP, can you please supply the additional information?  We don't want a "post and run"; we wou

[Jones]

So, OP, can you please supply the additional information?  We don't want a "post and run"; we wou

Somehow, this post is very funny to me; forget post and run, how about post on the run? 

Of course, I found the title of the thread funny too (Why should SIL visit the help, they should visit her?), so I think I'm in a humorous reading mode today.

[LilacRosey]

No I am actually older than my b rother so not really young at all. I guess I could visit less frequently. They aren't that far away by train. Thanks for everything I guess I'll think about it for a while. I like my sister in law and I'm pretty sure she likes me too., LilacRosey

[Moray]

Thanks for coming back to the thread.

So, who invites you? We can't really offer helpful advice until we have a clearer picture, Lilacrosey

[mnbunny]

Maybe she is just a bit introverted?  Introverts get drained of energy by interacting with people, and recharge with "alone time."  If your SIL is an introvert, she'd limit social time not because she dislikes you, but because she can only "spend" so much of her energy being social (not just with you, probably with most people except maybe her family of origin and/or old very close friends) before she needs to recharge alone. 
I don't know if this sounds like your SIL or not, but it's a possibility to consider.

[mich3554]

Is your brother or SIL inviting you or are you inviting yourself?

It sounds like you have the more flexible schedule, have you asked your SIL what works for her?

[MUD]

It would seem that your sister in law has a problem with you. Why not just come right out and ask her instead of trying to skirt the issue?

[NotTheNarcissist]

Maybe she is just a bit introverted?  Introverts get drained of energy by interacting with people, and recharge with "alone time."  If your SIL is an introvert, she'd limit social time not because she dislikes you, but because she can only "spend" so much of her energy being social (not just with you, probably with most people except maybe her family of origin and/or old very close friends) before she needs to recharge alone. 
I don't know if this sounds like your SIL or not, but it's a possibility to consider.

Bunny rabbit trail. This is me! I could not have worded this any better. Of course DH is the opposite. People think I'm being snobbish sometimes when there's not one ounce of anything left in me to pour out. DH is energized by being around other people. So naturally there's a conflict sometimes.