Author Topic: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!  (Read 10317 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #30 on: February 25, 2013, 05:48:35 PM »
It would seem that your sister in law has a problem with you. Why not just come right out and ask her instead of trying to skirt the issue?

That is a bit harsh.  There could be many reasons- work responsibilities, introverted, maybe unable to figure out how to plan activities for OP's disability and is unsure how to ask, maybe wants to let OP and brother spend the time together...whatever, but without further clarification on past interactions, this seems to be a not very kind leap.

oogyda

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3651
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #31 on: February 26, 2013, 10:42:38 AM »
It would seem that your sister in law has a problem with you. Why not just come right out and ask her instead of trying to skirt the issue?

Really?! In your first post? Are you the SIL in question?
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

fluffy

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 609
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #32 on: February 27, 2013, 07:22:39 AM »
I think that, if your SIL was on this board saying that she likes her husband's sister but that she visits a lot and always wants to spend an entire weekend with her, she'd get a lot of advice from people telling her to only make herself available for a couple of hours.

I can see where you'd be disappointed to not get to spend more time with her, but I don't think that she's done anything wrong. Sometimes family members, especially in-laws, just aren't up for frequent, extended visits.

I think your best bet, if you want to keep up the frequency of your visits, is to find other things to do in the area so you're still having a nice mini-break.

Oh Joy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1370
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #33 on: February 27, 2013, 08:40:54 AM »
It would seem that your sister in law has a problem with you. Why not just come right out and ask her instead of trying to skirt the issue?

Really?! In your first post? Are you the SIL in question?

Yes, that was MUD's first post.  It was a pretty blunt delivery for this forum, but the speculation and advice weren't inappropriate.  I'd assume that MUD hasn't yet gotten a feel for how the tone on this forum is different from many others.

Welcome to eHell, MUD. 

bopper

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12413
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #34 on: February 27, 2013, 11:56:15 AM »
SIL may have the relationship with you that she is comfortable with, and that is OK.  However, you can always gently explore expanding that relationship.

Have you tried asking your brother "I would really like to get to know SIL a little better.   Is there any activity she and I could do together when I visit that she might like?"

And then leave it at that.  If there is something, then give it a try (with no complaints!).  If not, then let it be.

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6125
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #35 on: February 27, 2013, 12:52:14 PM »
Yes, that was MUD's first post.  It was a pretty blunt delivery for this forum, but the speculation and advice weren't inappropriate.  I'd assume that MUD hasn't yet gotten a feel for how the tone on this forum is different from many others.

Welcome to eHell, MUD.
Agreed! As an aside, I see nothing wrong with the delivery, even on this forum.  I did not see it as rude at all. To the OP, I think you have gotten good advice - only you know your SIL but it seems she either has a problem with you, which you could address, or she doesn't and simply has a different idea of how she sees your relationship working.  I think it is best to accept it or address it with her directly.

LadyDyani

  • Freelance Editor
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 520
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #36 on: February 27, 2013, 04:59:18 PM »
Maybe she is just a bit introverted?  Introverts get drained of energy by interacting with people, and recharge with "alone time."  If your SIL is an introvert, she'd limit social time not because she dislikes you, but because she can only "spend" so much of her energy being social (not just with you, probably with most people except maybe her family of origin and/or old very close friends) before she needs to recharge alone. 
I don't know if this sounds like your SIL or not, but it's a possibility to consider.

Introverts explained - in comic form!  http://schrojones.deviantart.com/art/How-to-Live-with-Introverts-291305760

Remember the hamster ball.
English doesn't borrow from other languages, it follows them down dark alleys and beats them up and searches their pockets for loose grammar.

bopper

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12413
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #37 on: February 28, 2013, 09:26:20 AM »

LadyDyani

  • Freelance Editor
  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 520
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #38 on: February 28, 2013, 09:52:57 AM »
Introverts explained -  in essay form!

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/302696/

I think this may be one of the most fantastic things I've ever read:
Quote
How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice?

First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.
Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"
Third, don't say anything else, either."
English doesn't borrow from other languages, it follows them down dark alleys and beats them up and searches their pockets for loose grammar.

Lynn2000

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5358
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #39 on: February 28, 2013, 02:54:52 PM »
OP, I seem to recall from another thread that you have a DH and a baby, or maybe are expecting...? I could be mixed up. But if not, do you go to visit your Bro and SIL alone, or with DH (and baby) as well?

I ask because I would see a difference between your whole family coming to visit my whole family, and you alone coming to visit--for the latter I might think you were mainly interested in seeing your Bro and perhaps the nieces/nephews (if they exist), but I wouldn't think you were specifically looking to spend time with me. Whereas if it's your whole family, I would expect to have a get-together with my whole family at least once, like a backyard BBQ or something, and I would make time for that (if given enough notice).
~Lynn2000

Moray

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1869
  • My hovercraft is full of eels!
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #40 on: February 28, 2013, 03:14:18 PM »
Guys, the OP hasn't been logged in since the 24th.

Utah

MrTango

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2388
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #41 on: February 28, 2013, 03:19:46 PM »
It would seem that your sister in law has a problem with you. Why not just come right out and ask her instead of trying to skirt the issue?

The bolded is pretty much how I interpret the situation.

Always being busy and not having time to visit with someone is one tool we can use to avoid spending time with someoney we do not care for.

I'd be very cautious, however, with the second part of MUD's suggestion.  It might spark more open hostility.

Welcome to the forum, MUD!

PurpleFrog

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 619
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #42 on: February 28, 2013, 03:38:16 PM »
OP, I seem to recall from another thread that you have a DH and a baby, or maybe are expecting...? I could be mixed up. But if not, do you go to visit your Bro and SIL alone, or with DH (and baby) as well?

I ask because I would see a difference between your whole family coming to visit my whole family, and you alone coming to visit--for the latter I might think you were mainly interested in seeing your Bro and perhaps the nieces/nephews (if they exist), but I wouldn't think you were specifically looking to spend time with me. Whereas if it's your whole family, I would expect to have a get-together with my whole family at least once, like a backyard BBQ or something, and I would make time for that (if given enough notice).

I seem to recall that op is single, is it possible you're thinking of  lilacgirl has a dh & 2 children?
[img width=400 height=88]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10773;484/st/20120825/e/Our+Wedding/dt/-1/k/450f/eve

Lynn2000

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5358
Re: sister in law doesnt seem to want to visit help!
« Reply #43 on: February 28, 2013, 03:44:03 PM »
OP, I seem to recall from another thread that you have a DH and a baby, or maybe are expecting...? I could be mixed up. But if not, do you go to visit your Bro and SIL alone, or with DH (and baby) as well?

I ask because I would see a difference between your whole family coming to visit my whole family, and you alone coming to visit--for the latter I might think you were mainly interested in seeing your Bro and perhaps the nieces/nephews (if they exist), but I wouldn't think you were specifically looking to spend time with me. Whereas if it's your whole family, I would expect to have a get-together with my whole family at least once, like a backyard BBQ or something, and I would make time for that (if given enough notice).

I seem to recall that op is single, is it possible you're thinking of  lilacgirl has a dh & 2 children?

Oh, gosh, I think you're right. Lilacgirl /= LilacRosey. Sorry!
~Lynn2000