Am I rude for not shoveling the driveway?

[WillyNilly]

I don't the OP or her BF should have to help with the "fussy" garden, but an unkempt weedy lawn directly adjacent to a garden (fussy or not) is going to adversely affect the garden as weeds are by nature invasive plants - weedy lawn means more weed seeds are blowing over into the cared for garden thus making significantly more work to maintain said garden.  The simple act of regular mowing can get to the weeds before they flower and seed.

If the OP's actions didn't affect anything but appearance, I'd say the sister and Tom were being unreasonable.  But if the OP's actions are directly and quantifiably increasing the sister & Tom's workload, then I think the sister and Tom have a good argument for saying something.

[Raintree]

I don't the OP or her BF should have to help with the "fussy" garden, but an unkempt weedy lawn directly adjacent to a garden (fussy or not) is going to adversely affect the garden as weeds are by nature invasive plants - weedy lawn means more weed seeds are blowing over into the cared for garden thus making significantly more work to maintain said garden.  The simple act of regular mowing can get to the weeds before they flower and seed.

If the OP's actions didn't affect anything but appearance, I'd say the sister and Tom were being unreasonable.  But if the OP's actions are directly and quantifiably increasing the sister & Tom's workload, then I think the sister and Tom have a good argument for saying something.

I think I agree with you. I initially said I completely agreed with OP, but now I'll modify that to say: Yes, she and bf should alternate weekly mowing. The veggie garden and flower beds are something Tom and SIL want, so it's their baby (unless OP also eats the veggies). And the 6:30 AM shovelling? Anyone who thought I was going to get up and do that before work would find out pretty quickly that it wasn't going to happen, ever.

[magicdomino]

My two cents, for what it is worth:

You move into a house with a yard, you have yardwork to do.  Period.  Now, it is fine to pay someone, either on your own or through condo dues, but it must be done.  Shoveling snow at 6:30 am does seem a bit extreme, but I have the luxury of being able to inform my office that I will get there when I get there.   After many years of snow shoveling, I can tell you that it is much better to get the nasty white stuff up while it is still fresh and fluffy.  Even if you don't get ice formation, the snow can melt just enough to get wet and heavy. 

It's not like you are going to be shoveling the whole driveway by yourself.  You'll have Tom helping you. 

As for the summer work, I hate grass.  I hate watering it, I hate fertilizing it, and most of all, I hate mowing it.  Even so, I mow once a week in spring, and maybe once a month during summer droughts. (I refuse to waste good water on mere grass.)  Like shoveling snow, the job is much easier if you keep up with it.  It's even easier if you use a good self-propelled lawn mower equipped with a mulching blade, but that another thing.    It is much easier than trying to maintain a wildflower meadow, because unless you regularly weed and care for it, the wildflower meadow gets infested with very unattractive weeds that spread all over creation.  Been there, done that, had to spray the mess with Round-up.  Still do, actually.   

You are, however, excused from helping with the flower and vegetable beds next door.  It would be nice to help with the vegetable garden if you are getting any of the vegetables. 

As for the neighbors leaving manure and car parts next to your yard:  as another poster pointed out, why shouldn't they?  By not taking care of the yard, you show that you don't care.

[*inviteseller]

Honestly,  after reading the OP's update, it just seems that her and BF have no desire to keep the property up.  And they are vilifying BIL for expecting they (or at least the other owner of the property) do his fair share.  You moved in with your BF to get away from your mom and in your words, unreasonable chores, and you are complaining again about unreasonable chores.  To me, they are not unreasonable, they are part of adult home ownership. You don't have to tend to their 'fussy ' garden but mowing the lawn is a fact of life.   No, you are not an owner, but as you reside there with the owner, someone needs to step up and quit making BIL the villain for not wanted an eyesore of a yard (that can bring some pets no one wants) or snow to just sit there.  You don't want to get up early because you don't like to, who does on cold mornings, but trade off times to do it in the sake of harmony.  And if it really is not your cup of tea to help with the upkeep of the house, I would suggest moving into a maintenance free condo or apartment.  I would like to know if your BF's sis knew going into this joint purchase if she knew his views on yard maintenance?

[Mikayla]

It seems to me this is a communication fail, mainly between the sis and bro, but including all 4 of you by extension.  The work can't be divided fairly until it's agreed  what work needs to be done and how often.

I'm not sure the best way to do this, but maybe sis and bro have to step up to the plate as owners of the property and come up with the basic chores.  Then the 4 of you agree on implementation.

For example, on the shoveling, why not just alternate, rather than try to divide up the driveway for each storm?   And, if your BF refuses to shovel, fine, but that doesn't release either of you from the obligation to do your "portion" of whatever is agreed upon. 

Then do the same with the yard. Right now, it seems like your BF isn't carrying his share of the load and then, by extension, this includes you.  But if that's true, it's sis who has the biggest problem as co-owner.  That's why I think the 2 of them need to get on the same page first.

[Mental Magpie]

Driveways and walkways need to be shoveled.  It's part of what you sign on for when you buy a house.  So is mowing your lawn.  Your wildflower meadow is attractive to snakes & vermin.  It doesn't look good.  It sounds like your boyfriend wants the benefits of owning a home without doing any of the work.  At the very least, talk with Tom or pay a neighborhood kid to shovel and mow when needed.  If Tom knew that it would be shoveled before he got home after work, he probably wouldn't shovel at 6am.

I disagree with the first part of this.  When you buy a house, within law, you get to decide what you do with it; that includes mowing the lawn and shoveling the drive.  Also, it obviously does look good to some people; many are proponents of natural lawns.

I do, however, agree with the second part.  If you cannot come to some sort of compromise with Tom about who does what when and how much AND you still don't want to do any of it, the least you can do is to hire someone.  It is rude not to pull your weight and that is what is happening.  Sure, both sides disagree on a fundamental level, but it is unfair to expect Tom to do it all just because you disagree.  Try work something out with him, even if it means you exclusively shovel on the weekends and hire someone else to do it two of the other days of the week so Tom only has to do it three days himself.

If I were house hunting and there was a house on the street you described with overgrown grass and weeds, I would immediately remove the home I was looking at off my list. In fact, I wouldn't even look at the home if I hadn't seen it yet.  That type of property on the street would be a deal breaker.   I wouldn't want to live next to what would be an eyesore for us.   While home owner can usually do what they want with their property, going so far as not to properly maintain it to the detriment of the neighbourhood or neighbour's ability to sell, that is a problem.

Which is absolutely fine.  Some people think huge sunglasses look great; I don't like them at all, so I won't wear them.  Properly maintaining is subjective and that isn't a problem for everyone.  It is a problem for you which is also absolutely OK.

[sparksals]

Driveways and walkways need to be shoveled.  It's part of what you sign on for when you buy a house.  So is mowing your lawn.  Your wildflower meadow is attractive to snakes & vermin.  It doesn't look good.  It sounds like your boyfriend wants the benefits of owning a home without doing any of the work.  At the very least, talk with Tom or pay a neighborhood kid to shovel and mow when needed.  If Tom knew that it would be shoveled before he got home after work, he probably wouldn't shovel at 6am.

I disagree with the first part of this.  When you buy a house, within law, you get to decide what you do with it; that includes mowing the lawn and shoveling the drive.  Also, it obviously does look good to some people; many are proponents of natural lawns.

I do, however, agree with the second part.  If you cannot come to some sort of compromise with Tom about who does what when and how much AND you still don't want to do any of it, the least you can do is to hire someone.  It is rude not to pull your weight and that is what is happening.  Sure, both sides disagree on a fundamental level, but it is unfair to expect Tom to do it all just because you disagree.  Try work something out with him, even if it means you exclusively shovel on the weekends and hire someone else to do it two of the other days of the week so Tom only has to do it three days himself.

If I were house hunting and there was a house on the street you described with overgrown grass and weeds, I would immediately remove the home I was looking at off my list. In fact, I wouldn't even look at the home if I hadn't seen it yet.  That type of property on the street would be a deal breaker.   I wouldn't want to live next to what would be an eyesore for us.   While home owner can usually do what they want with their property, going so far as not to properly maintain it to the detriment of the neighbourhood or neighbour's ability to sell, that is a problem.

Which is absolutely fine.  Some people think huge sunglasses look great; I don't like them at all, so I won't wear them.  Properly maintaining is subjective and that isn't a problem for everyone.  It is a problem for you which is also absolutely OK.

I think it is pretty standard b/c no one in our entire neighbourhood has an overgrown yard like the OP describes.  Perhaps it is also more accepted in rural area, but in suburbia?  Not a chance.  If there are, they are very rare.

[cheyne]

Not sure what a "natural" lawn is?  If you mean planting or maintaining grass that grows native to the area instead of Kentucky Blue Grass (for example) fine.  If you mean letting weeds grow, that's not so fine.   In many rural areas in the US you have to take care of your property, to include your weeds.  The seeds blow around and infest crop fields, lowering the yields and causing the farmers to use more herbicide.  Many counties will fine you for weeds on your property.

*All "you's" general*

[secretrebel]

There's no such thing as weeds - just flowers some people don't admire.

And I say this as someone who pulls my own weeds for the comfort of my neighbours. I'd love to move next to people with a wildflower meadow instead of my current neighbours who are all retired and think I should be out doing yardwork every second of the day.

[magicdomino]

There's no such thing as weeds - just flowers some people don't admire.

*offers Secretrebel a wheelbarrow full of porcelain berry vines, bermuda grass, English/Irish  ivy, greenbriar, sumac, mulberries, and some other danged things that I don't know the name of* 

 

[Amava]

And this is why I'm glad that my yard is a backyard surrounded by walls. 

[squeakers]

There's no such thing as weeds - just flowers some people don't admire.

*offers Secretrebel a wheelbarrow full of porcelain berry vines, bermuda grass, English/Irish  ivy, greenbriar, sumac, mulberries, and some other danged things that I don't know the name of* 

 

Porcelain berry vine is edible, mulberries are edible, sumac is edible,  and the others are edible by animals.

[secretrebel]

There's no such thing as weeds - just flowers some people don't admire.

*offers Secretrebel a wheelbarrow full of porcelain berry vines, bermuda grass, English/Irish  ivy, greenbriar, sumac, mulberries, and some other danged things that I don't know the name of* 

 

Porcelain berry vine is edible, mulberries are edible, sumac is edible,  and the others are edible by animals.

I have the ivy and sumac already. The sumac tree is especially beautiful. I used to have a mulberry in my old house.

I don't want any bindweed though!

[squeakers]

There's no such thing as weeds - just flowers some people don't admire.

*offers Secretrebel a wheelbarrow full of porcelain berry vines, bermuda grass, English/Irish  ivy, greenbriar, sumac, mulberries, and some other danged things that I don't know the name of* 

 

Porcelain berry vine is edible, mulberries are edible, sumac is edible,  and the others are edible by animals.

I have the ivy and sumac already. The sumac tree is especially beautiful. I used to have a mulberry in my old house.

I don't want any bindweed though!

I would love to have Morning Glories! They are so pretty.  We do get one strand of some kind of bindweed that wends its way through the embankment plantings. I think it has blue flowers (memory sux). We have one patch in the front yard where Queen Ann's Lace grows. After it is done blooming/went to seed DH mows it over.

 Reminds me of the time I scavenged a plant from my sister's horse pasture (used to be houses there 50 years ago) and had a vine type plant grow up from next to the clump.  First year I whacked it down.  Second year I didn't notice it until it was just getting ready to flower.  It had huge flowers.  Turns out it was a Rose of Sharon bush.  We now have a line of them after DH grew the seeds for me (they never seem to self-propagate.. too cold most of the year, I guess.)

We let the "itch" weed grow until it is knee high because the boys and I like to have a meal or 2 of them. A little vinegar, salt and pepper and I am biting back at the nettles. The wild grape vines get pulled down but I strip them (the young leaves are yummy!) and the vines themselves are a fun perch for my parrot.

[magicdomino]

There's no such thing as weeds - just flowers some people don't admire.

*offers Secretrebel a wheelbarrow full of porcelain berry vines, bermuda grass, English/Irish  ivy, greenbriar, sumac, mulberries, and some other danged things that I don't know the name of* 

 

Porcelain berry vine is edible, mulberries are edible, sumac is edible,  and the others are edible by animals.

Yes, they are all edible by birds and animals (including the ivy).  And I swear every single seed popped out the other ends of the birds and animals sprouts, aided by its handy supply of fertilizer.  I made the mistake of letting the first porcelain berry vine live because the berries were pretty.  Now, I'm constantly killing trying to kill them off.