Am I rude for not shoveling the driveway?

[GratefulMaria]

Is there a less immediate swap you could make that works for all of you?  Maybe you guys do some yard work / mowing, dump runs, another common job in exchange for him doing this?  I get that you're fine not doing this, but there might be something you can take on comfortably as a gesture to balance the effort.

[LeveeWoman]

Would your boyfriend be willing to do the work?

[rose red]

I think you are fine since you are willing to shovel after work, not outright refusing to ever do it.  I do think it's a good idea to talk about it and come up with a work plan (each does half, morning shift/night shift), but if he can't live with a compromise, then it's his problem. 

[Aeris]

He has a right to expect that you guys shovel half the snow, whether you think it's necessary or not. He does not, however, have a right to demand that you do your half at 6am.

Lay it out to him that you are perfectly willing to do your half of the labor, but you're going to do it in the later portion of the day.

[DottyG]

talk about it and come up with a work plan (each does half, morning shift/night shift)

I like this.

I don't see the OP's saying (as others have noted) that she's not willing to shovel the snow.  I'm reading it as she's not excited about getting up at 6:30 to do it.  If there's no reason to have to do it then and the only reason is Tom's desire to have it done then, I can see how waiting works.

If he does his half of it in the morning, there isn't a liability issue for anyone.  There is a cleared spot to walk for anyone walking at that time.  And, likewise, there's a freshly cleared spot later in the day for those who are walking then when it may have snowed some more and become a potential problem again.  It's the best of both worlds.

But the only way this plan works is to communicate with Tom and compromise.  And that, OP, is what you need to do.  The four of you need to sit down and talk about it, and I think you'll come up with a workable plan that makes everyone happy - and safe.

[DottyG]

He has a right to expect that you guys shovel half the snow, whether you think it's necessary or not. He does not, however, have a right to demand that you do your half at 6am.

Aeris, you posted at the same time I did.  But I agree with you here.

[Judah]

He has a right to expect that you guys shovel half the snow, whether you think it's necessary or not. He does not, however, have a right to demand that you do your half at 6am.

Aeris, you posted at the same time I did.  But I agree with you here.

Question from someone who lives where it rarely snows and has no experience: What if my not shoveling in no way impedes traffic to the other unit? I get no visitors and the mailman doesn't have to come to my door to deliver. My neighbors don't ever have to set foot on my side of the driveway, nor do their visitors. Do I still have to shovel?

[Sharnita]

In theory I am not sure how anyone makes certain they nebet have visitors, never need emergency services, etc. I get that to this point you never have but how you know for a certainty uou never will?

[bah12]

bah, what exactly are "ice ruts"?  I'm not familiar with that (not living in a place where we'd have those).

See my post above. 

Yeah, that is what I was referring to.  I made up the term ice ruts

[rashea]

I think if your actions only effect you, go ahead and don't shovel. I know my driveway won't get plowed tonight (3/4 mile from the end of the town road), but since we're the only ones crazy enough to live up there and no one would visit without calling, and no one delivers, I'm fine with that. It'll get plowed in a day or two when I make it home. And we're likely getting a foot of snow tonight. Actually, the neighbors know we're home because the drive suddenly gets plowed.

But, in this case it sounds like you share a driveway. So it's time to figure out how to share that. While ankle deep snow isn't too hard to walk on, or drive on, the ice that forms when you do that is really hard to get rid of, and can lead to serious flooding in the spring, never mind slipping in the winter. So, I do think that in that case you should figure something out.

I think it's worth asking if there is a reason that it must be done in the morning. Are they home during the day? Does he get a lot of packages? Is it just that he'd rather do it in the morning rather than when he gets home? Are you willing to do it before you leave for work but after you get up? I suspect there's a compromise.

[rose red]

He has a right to expect that you guys shovel half the snow, whether you think it's necessary or not. He does not, however, have a right to demand that you do your half at 6am.

Aeris, you posted at the same time I did.  But I agree with you here.

Question from someone who lives where it rarely snows and has no experience: What if my not shoveling in no way impedes traffic to the other unit? I get no visitors and the mailman doesn't have to come to my door to deliver. My neighbors don't ever have to set foot on my side of the driveway, nor do their visitors. Do I still have to shovel?

I don't shovel sometimes because you can tell when snow will melt in a day or two, or rain is expected and will melt it away.  You learn by experience  .  But I usually do shovel because I have to for heavy snow, and it's a breeze for the light fluffy snow (I actually enjoy shoveling fluffy snow).  Also, if you have a shared driveway, your half of the snow can drift over and make a mess whether by wind, car, or feet.

[snowdragon]

I think it's worth asking if there is a reason that it must be done in the morning. Are they home during the day? Does he get a lot of packages? Is it just that he'd rather do it in the morning rather than when he gets home? Are you willing to do it before you leave for work but after you get up? I suspect there's a compromise.

Doing it before they leave would mean they have to get up earlier. I am not sure I would be willing to give a house mate that much say in my sleep schedule for the winter, no matter what the reason he wants it done that early. And I love shoveling snow!

 I would talk to him and tell him that I have no problem shoveling, or doing whatever chores need to be done, but I will do them on my schedule not his. 

[Judah]

He has a right to expect that you guys shovel half the snow, whether you think it's necessary or not. He does not, however, have a right to demand that you do your half at 6am.

Aeris, you posted at the same time I did.  But I agree with you here.

Question from someone who lives where it rarely snows and has no experience: What if my not shoveling in no way impedes traffic to the other unit? I get no visitors and the mailman doesn't have to come to my door to deliver. My neighbors don't ever have to set foot on my side of the driveway, nor do their visitors. Do I still have to shovel?

I don't shovel sometimes because you can tell when snow will melt in a day or two, or rain is expected and will melt it away.  You learn by experience  .  But I usually do shovel because I have to for heavy snow, and it's a breeze for the light fluffy snow (I actually enjoy shoveling fluffy snow).  Also, if you have a shared driveway, your half of the snow can drift over and make a mess whether by wind, car, or feet.

Thank you, that makes perfect sense.  We get snow once every couple of years, but it's not much and we just let it melt away.

[Erich L-ster]

So, it's been a while since I lived in an area that snows, but from what I remember, the ability to walk/drive over the snow is not necessarily the only thing to consider when shoveling snow.  Chances are you will drive/walk on the same area over and over...mashing that snow down and leaving the rest of the snow to pile up...this causes "ice ruts" in the spring. (Depending on how much snow you get).  They are a pain and can be damaging to the driveway beneath.

Also, for me (and many people I know) 6:30 is the time that we are awake getting ready for work, so while it may seem early for some, there's a whole lot of us out there who are doing all kinds of necessary things in the morning.

You share a driveway with your neighbors/family and I think that the correct thing to do is work something out with them.  You may not think that the driveway needs shoveling, but they do.  They think that 6:30 is mid-morning and you don't.  So, why can't you talk to them about it and work out something that you all can agree on?  One suggestion would be to offer to shovel the driveway a couple of days a week...but since Tom can still leave for work with the snow on the driveway, on your days, you get up whenever you want and shovel it.  On his days, he can get up 6:30 and do it if he wants.  If Tom is concerned about the possible damage to the driveway, it's unfounded as long as you clear the snow that day.  So, just try to reason with him.

A lot of this is what I think. Also, even a small amount of snow is apt to melt and refreeze leaving you with a sheet of ice.

[camlan]

The one issue is if this is one driveway that is shared by both units. That's the way it is in my duplex--there is one driveway, a little more than one car wide, that leads to the back of the house and parking for all the cars.

There's no way, really, to shovel half the driveway and have a clear path to the street. You'd either shovel the left half of the driveway, or the right half, or the half near the street or the half in the back of the house, but no matter what, shoving half would mean that half the driveway would have snow on it. And when cars drive over that snow, as mentioned by several PPs, the snow gets packed down and is much harder to clear off the driveway.

So Tom may just want a driveway that doesn't have packed snow on it. And the only way to get that is to shovel before cars drive on it and before too many people walk on it.  Waiting until everyone has left for work and then come home after work simply doesn't cut it--there will be packed snow and the chance of "ice ruts" is high.

If that's the case, I like the suggestion above about trading yardwork. Tom shovels the driveway all winter by himself, but in return, the OP and her boyfriend mow the lawn or weed the flower beds or something, so that Tom doesn't have to.

I'm curious. Was the OP's boyfriend living in the duplex before the OP moved in? What was the shoveling arrangement then?