If everyone in your life has "unreasonable" expectations about the chores necessary to maintain a house, it might be worth thinking about whether the common denominator in all of this is you.
I would happily let the laundry pile up until I ran out of socks. And, even then, I've been known to go out and buy more socks.
But I had to change my laundry habits, because they were driving my husband crazy. He didn't want to be overrun by a mountain of clothes, so he was doing all of the laundry. And I never thought to do it when I had a drawer full of clean socks! If I lived on my own, I could let the laundry pile up to my hearts content, but I share space with my husband and it wouldn't be fair of me to negatively impact his life with my bad habits. I still don't do laundry as frequently as he might like, but I do it at least once a week.
Sharing space with other people means compromising with them.
Do you do any maintenance around the townhouse that Tom doesn't do? Because, from the way you're describing it, he does all of the winter maintenance and all of the summer maintenance. And, quite frankly, that would drive me nuts. It's nice that you help out with childcare from time to time, but shoveling and mowing the lawn are a far more unpleasant chore, and they tend to take a fairly large time commitment.
I think that the 4 of you need to sit down and hash out a compromise. Maybe you don't mow the lawn once a week, but you should be able to mow it every other week. And if you eat their veggies, you should be helping with the garden boxes. If you hate gardening, maybe you could pickle and/or can the extras? And I would alternate shoveling every other snow storm.