A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. > Time For a Coffee Break!

Today's Dear Prudence -

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lady_disdain:
In today's column, Emily Yoffe printed a letter from a woman who is pushing her BF to tell her about his experience in the Israeli army, specifically if he had killed anyone. (I am not going to link directly since the link mentions scrabble and a dog but just got to www.slate.com and scroll down).

Am I the only one who got the "ninja" vibe from the BF? From the letter, I can't help but think that his military experience was mainly behind a desk and he is trying to play it up without outright lying. None of the combat military people I know would react that way (in general, their response is "I can't talk about that", no smile, no jokey "I would have to kill you", etc).

But the woman is certainly rude. If she has been told that he can't talk about it, then she should respect that. It has nothing to do with trusting her but with policy.

Hillia:
I thought that too at first, but then I felt it was probably his set answer to deflect a very prying, rude, insensitive question.

RingTailedLemur:

--- Quote from: lady_disdain on February 21, 2013, 12:17:46 PM ---
But the woman is certainly rude. If she has been told that he can't talk about it, then she should respect that. It has nothing to do with trusting her but with policy.

--- End quote ---

The letter writer is a man.

artk2002:
I don't get the "ninja" vibe at all. As the LW pointed out, the responses given by the BF are standard for people in that position. It wouldn't surprise me at all if the BF were reluctant on his own to talk about it. I knew a guy who was a "forward observer" (i.e. sniper) in Vietnam -- something that I could verify through others -- but was very unwilling to talk about the experience.

The LW needs to back off. If knowing that his BF had killed was a deal breaker then he should assume that it's true and break it off. The BF deserves much better. Emily's answer was correct.

Redneck Gravy:
LW is rude.

I have a BIL that served as a sniper in the Gulf War, it would never ever occur to me to ask him if he killed someone.  BIL says it was a painful time; he has put together a wonderful life, why would ANYONE want to dig at that.

Doesn't matter if BF was a trained killer ninja or a desk jockey, he has clearly stated that he cannot discuss it.  If LW is that concerned about it he should move on and avoid veterans in the future.

We would tell BF to beandip, say that will not be possible, etc.   LW should get the same answers.   

 

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